Number 1 old fart tip

[Bud Green]

Awesome....

I'm building some new rooms right now, my rule-of-thumb seems to be measure 3 times, cut 3 times....,

i'm a retired master carpenter..
Built a lot of big houses in my life...And then I built mine...

Don't be the guy who says "But I cut it twice, and it's still too short"..

 

[BillFarthing]

oh my toilet water and the penis when sitting to chit do not make for a fun start to the day

I guess my knackers were blessed with more gravity than most based on this scenario.

 

[OldCharlie]

Always keep some electrical tape in your trunk

 

[Drewsif]

You'd be surprised how many people don't think of this;
Put a dry article of clothing in the dryer with your wet laundry, dries faster, saves energy and time....

Clothes line. Or prison style (air return grills)

Clothes dryers were invented by the power company to sell more power!

 

[Sunshineinabag]

Righty tightly
Lefty loosey

 

[Weezard]

Some who wander, are not lost.
And more than enough is too much.

 

[Im'One]

Buy seven pairs of black socks, it saves time in the mornings sorting out your laundry.
Buy brown underwear it saves bleach.

 

[Weezard]

Taco bell lunch? Choose the brown horse.

 

[Guest]

About a 1/16 to an 1/8 of a tsp of sea salt dissolved under the tongue will stop hiccups in their tracks.
Something about homeostasis and the vagus nerve.

 

[Guest]

Always serve dinner portions for guests out of eye-sight of the guests. That way, if the food drops on the floor, they won't see you picking the dog hair and grit from the food, before it's placed on the plates.

Don't share pipes, joints, straws, tooters, or silverware with people you don't live with..... or with half of the people you do live with.

There's lots of humorous things a person can say to a cop during a spontaneous encounter without time to properly prepare; don't.

 

[OldCharlie]

Osmocote is a guerilla's best friend

 

[redlaser]

There's lots of humorous things a person can say to a cop during a spontaneous encounter without time to properly prepare; don't.

A couple LA lawyers have developed a script they recommend for traffic stops, but would work in other situations too. (Pot_Brothers_At_Law on ig)

1)” why are you pulling me over?”,
2)” I’m not discussing my day“,
3) “Am I free to go or am I being detained”,
4) (if detained) “I invoke the fifth”?
Then You
Shut The Fuck Up

 

[Bud Green]

"After taking a shower, be sure to dry your feet very well, especially between your toes...

But dry your balls and your ass first"...

...

 

[St. Phatty]

start getting pedicures when you're 50

so you don't end up with cracks in your heels when you're 60.

No Big Deal, the skin gets thick & cracks like the Grand Canyon.

How much is a Pedicure anyway ?

Do they charge more according to how thick your skin is ?


#2 if you're holding a full cup of coffee and know you're about to sneeze, put the cup down on the table.

 

[Veggia farmer]

Son, dont do what I do or have done. Do what I say you should do.

 

[buzzmobile]

Never take your cell phone to an insurrection.

 

[Veggia farmer]

Never ever stop spanking your wife!

 

[Veggia farmer]

There's lots of humorous things a person can say to a cop during a spontaneous encounter without time to properly prepare; don't.

This reminds me of a late night out, little bit drunk and very stoned. I came across three cops, and this female cop was sooo pretty looking.. I might have thing about ladies in uniform... and leather... I start joking and hitting on her BIG time. I could definitely see it working, at least the jokes, cause they all start too laugh still trying to hold the masks being at work. They also laughed at the right timing!

But the thing was I still had some grams of hash on me, and friend wanna join the fun.. jealous perhaps? He starts yelling with a grin as walks by: search him, he got hash!

I still kept the cool, but not sooooo cool either... I yelled back to him, still next to the cops: Shut up snitch! Or something like that.. Well, I like fire but I ended it pretty soon there and went a little further to smoke.... They didnt search me and it was all good.. Its a good memory, but if my friend were not there could I kept the cool and get her? Who knows...

Fun to joke with cops hehe

 

[aridbud]

Don't trust Auto Correct.

 

[Im'One]

If the shit is gonna hit the fan, turn off the fan.
Brown underwear and blacks socks save time and soap.