I
IE2KS_KUSH
Well, let me start off by saying, my wife, I hate her w/ a passion.
We have only been married 5 years, but it is by far the worst 5 years of my life. I hate her, I hate everything about her, I wish her nothing but ill will.
Tonight was very ridiculous. It just made me realize that no matter what I do, it is unavoidable fact, that one day, I will not be able to go to sleep, and wake up w/ my son under the same roof. He is really the only reason I have not chopped off her head and buried her in a remote location. I love him to death, and I just could never ever do anything that would take him away from his mother. He is completely innocent, and it breaks my heart to know that one day, probably very soon, he will be living in a broken home, w/out a father. Unfortunately I cannot control her, and that is the road we are going down. Me personally, I would chose to stick it out until he is 18 and moving on w/ a life of his own as an adult, but I don't believe I am going to have a choice in the matter.
I just cannot live w/ this person anymore, and I am afraid that if I continue to do so, I will at some point lose control and do something that I would regret. I really don't know what to do. I don't even know if I am asking for any advice to be honest, I am just trying to get my thoughts out so that I can read them. Maybe some of you here could give me some good insight or words of wisdom. It just kills me, I am so torn. I refuse to walk out on my family, but at the same time, my wife realizes that she has all the power in the world because of that, and she does nothing but undermine me w/ my son, be combative and confrontational w/ each and every breath she takes. Literally, she could ask me what color the sky is, and if I say blue, she will w/out hesitation say, "NO IT'S RED W/ GREEN POLKADOTS!"
I have kept telling myself to wait, maybe she will grow up, maybe things will work out, but I just decided tonight, there is no hope. It seems like all I can do is sit and wait for her to make her move. I have told her that if she hates me and does not want to be w/ me, then go file for divorce and I will gladly sign away any hopes of having the type of life w/ my son that I want to have. At this point, I don't care and am tired, I am tired of the way she acts, the way she tries to provoke me at every turn, and the indifference she has w/ regard to how it affects our son. He is 5 on the 31st. It is to the point where I believe that she is intentionally trying to sabotage our lives, and get me to the point to where I just up and leave, so she can have a scapegoat, and tell my son, "your daddy left us" so that she does not have to accept responsibility for our family falling apart. I really think she wants to see that, she wants to see my son's heart break, and she wants to see my son grow up to hate me based on his perception that "his daddy left him". Obviously that is what he would think if I did leave, even though I know that somewhere down the road he is so smart, that he would one day realize what had happened.
I just do not know where to go from here.
In my mind, I think regardless of who leaves who, my son is going to be destroyed, but I just cannot see raising him in a home w/ someone like her. I am not knocking anyone that comes from a divorced family, or that has divorced and has kids.
I simply know that the "best" thing for any kid, is to have his mom and dad, together, whole. It kills me to think that no matter what, that is not going to happen for him. It's not fair, it's not fair to him that I made a piss poor decision choosing his mom, and now he will be the one to ultimately suffer. I know, that she will get full custody of him. That scares me to be honest. But I know that if I fight it, she will just make it real ugly, bring out my past, tell the courts that for the last 2 years in CA I was growing, and using cannabis, etc..etc.....
I quit my job in CA, for the 2nd time as a result of her threats to take my son if I did not, and have now moved halfway across the country back to where we are both from.
Worked out good for her though, she decided we were going to move because she got her old job back, so goody for her. She threw the title to my car away before leaving CA, and now I can't even drive anywhere to get a job even if I wanted to. But at least I will be able to maybe in 8 to 9 weeks, or whenever CA will send it out to me.
Awesome she just rushed back in after storming out, assaulted me, and is now threatening to call the cops on me because I grabbed her wrist to prevent her from hitting me. All right!!
God I hope an act of god takes her off this earth w/ a quickness, at least then it would not be my fault.
Now she is telling me oh wait, "I won't call the cops, I am just going to wait and file for divorce tomorrow."
Thank god, maybe I am going to get some resolution finally. It sucks that my son will no longer have a father in his life. But she did say that she will just call the cops once a month and tell them I am growing dope, so that I go to jail. Good, then I will get full custody of my son when she gets pinched for calling in multiple false reports. And then after that, I will just do what I do lol.
Ok, sorry for the long post, now, she is saying everything is gonna be just fine, she isn't gonna do any of that stuff, no police, no taking my son, no trying to get me pinched in the future, etc....
PSYCHO
All this tonight,
stemmed from the fact that I downloaded the vidalia tor bundle w/ privoxy, and the firefox tor button onto her laptop...
I am not kidding.
I tried to explain it to her, show her how it worked and why it's important, and she flipped out like she was a fucking circus acrobat.
I promptly created a new user profile on the laptop, changed the admin password so that she could not remove these programs, and it all went downhill from there. Obviously I did that for safety, as I use that computer often, and I attempted to explain that to her, but before I could get 2 words out she was screaming about how she doesn't want to have to click on the "x" to close a window. I didn't even get a chance to tell her I could just make the vidalia window not come on, she just went off. So I said fuck it, I am not gonna mess around w/ her removing the programs, they are for OUR safety, so boom, password done. Created a new profile for her to use that she can password protect if it makes her feel good or whatever, but eh... she would rather do what I just went through here and talked about. Lovely lady, really.
I am one lucky guy.
Rant done I guess. Who knows what will actually happen. I suspect that she probably won't do anything, but who knows. I told her I would love to see her explain to our families that we are getting a divorce because I changed the password on her computer. I will continue to update this thread, as I see that it may be somewhat comical for some, and maybe some of the veterans can help me keep my family together. But I think it's kinda like trying to reason w/ someone that is a terrorist hell bent on blowing you up w/ a suicide bomb jacket.
I am sure it is going to be a long ass thread, because every single day, it's something different, so I will have plenty to talk about. If it pisses any of yous off, and you don't like to hear about it, just don't read it I guess. Try to save the flaming for someone else, I get enough in real life. But I would really be open to honestly discussing this stuff and getting some advice. Ultimately, she can behave however she wants, as long as I get to be w/ my son. Sooner or later she will fuck up I am sure, and if not, then I will be free in 13 years.
We have only been married 5 years, but it is by far the worst 5 years of my life. I hate her, I hate everything about her, I wish her nothing but ill will.
Tonight was very ridiculous. It just made me realize that no matter what I do, it is unavoidable fact, that one day, I will not be able to go to sleep, and wake up w/ my son under the same roof. He is really the only reason I have not chopped off her head and buried her in a remote location. I love him to death, and I just could never ever do anything that would take him away from his mother. He is completely innocent, and it breaks my heart to know that one day, probably very soon, he will be living in a broken home, w/out a father. Unfortunately I cannot control her, and that is the road we are going down. Me personally, I would chose to stick it out until he is 18 and moving on w/ a life of his own as an adult, but I don't believe I am going to have a choice in the matter.
I just cannot live w/ this person anymore, and I am afraid that if I continue to do so, I will at some point lose control and do something that I would regret. I really don't know what to do. I don't even know if I am asking for any advice to be honest, I am just trying to get my thoughts out so that I can read them. Maybe some of you here could give me some good insight or words of wisdom. It just kills me, I am so torn. I refuse to walk out on my family, but at the same time, my wife realizes that she has all the power in the world because of that, and she does nothing but undermine me w/ my son, be combative and confrontational w/ each and every breath she takes. Literally, she could ask me what color the sky is, and if I say blue, she will w/out hesitation say, "NO IT'S RED W/ GREEN POLKADOTS!"
I have kept telling myself to wait, maybe she will grow up, maybe things will work out, but I just decided tonight, there is no hope. It seems like all I can do is sit and wait for her to make her move. I have told her that if she hates me and does not want to be w/ me, then go file for divorce and I will gladly sign away any hopes of having the type of life w/ my son that I want to have. At this point, I don't care and am tired, I am tired of the way she acts, the way she tries to provoke me at every turn, and the indifference she has w/ regard to how it affects our son. He is 5 on the 31st. It is to the point where I believe that she is intentionally trying to sabotage our lives, and get me to the point to where I just up and leave, so she can have a scapegoat, and tell my son, "your daddy left us" so that she does not have to accept responsibility for our family falling apart. I really think she wants to see that, she wants to see my son's heart break, and she wants to see my son grow up to hate me based on his perception that "his daddy left him". Obviously that is what he would think if I did leave, even though I know that somewhere down the road he is so smart, that he would one day realize what had happened.
I just do not know where to go from here.
In my mind, I think regardless of who leaves who, my son is going to be destroyed, but I just cannot see raising him in a home w/ someone like her. I am not knocking anyone that comes from a divorced family, or that has divorced and has kids.
I simply know that the "best" thing for any kid, is to have his mom and dad, together, whole. It kills me to think that no matter what, that is not going to happen for him. It's not fair, it's not fair to him that I made a piss poor decision choosing his mom, and now he will be the one to ultimately suffer. I know, that she will get full custody of him. That scares me to be honest. But I know that if I fight it, she will just make it real ugly, bring out my past, tell the courts that for the last 2 years in CA I was growing, and using cannabis, etc..etc.....
I quit my job in CA, for the 2nd time as a result of her threats to take my son if I did not, and have now moved halfway across the country back to where we are both from.
Worked out good for her though, she decided we were going to move because she got her old job back, so goody for her. She threw the title to my car away before leaving CA, and now I can't even drive anywhere to get a job even if I wanted to. But at least I will be able to maybe in 8 to 9 weeks, or whenever CA will send it out to me.
Awesome she just rushed back in after storming out, assaulted me, and is now threatening to call the cops on me because I grabbed her wrist to prevent her from hitting me. All right!!
God I hope an act of god takes her off this earth w/ a quickness, at least then it would not be my fault.
Now she is telling me oh wait, "I won't call the cops, I am just going to wait and file for divorce tomorrow."
Thank god, maybe I am going to get some resolution finally. It sucks that my son will no longer have a father in his life. But she did say that she will just call the cops once a month and tell them I am growing dope, so that I go to jail. Good, then I will get full custody of my son when she gets pinched for calling in multiple false reports. And then after that, I will just do what I do lol.
Ok, sorry for the long post, now, she is saying everything is gonna be just fine, she isn't gonna do any of that stuff, no police, no taking my son, no trying to get me pinched in the future, etc....
PSYCHO
All this tonight,
stemmed from the fact that I downloaded the vidalia tor bundle w/ privoxy, and the firefox tor button onto her laptop...
I am not kidding.
I tried to explain it to her, show her how it worked and why it's important, and she flipped out like she was a fucking circus acrobat.
I promptly created a new user profile on the laptop, changed the admin password so that she could not remove these programs, and it all went downhill from there. Obviously I did that for safety, as I use that computer often, and I attempted to explain that to her, but before I could get 2 words out she was screaming about how she doesn't want to have to click on the "x" to close a window. I didn't even get a chance to tell her I could just make the vidalia window not come on, she just went off. So I said fuck it, I am not gonna mess around w/ her removing the programs, they are for OUR safety, so boom, password done. Created a new profile for her to use that she can password protect if it makes her feel good or whatever, but eh... she would rather do what I just went through here and talked about. Lovely lady, really.
I am one lucky guy.
Rant done I guess. Who knows what will actually happen. I suspect that she probably won't do anything, but who knows. I told her I would love to see her explain to our families that we are getting a divorce because I changed the password on her computer. I will continue to update this thread, as I see that it may be somewhat comical for some, and maybe some of the veterans can help me keep my family together. But I think it's kinda like trying to reason w/ someone that is a terrorist hell bent on blowing you up w/ a suicide bomb jacket.
I am sure it is going to be a long ass thread, because every single day, it's something different, so I will have plenty to talk about. If it pisses any of yous off, and you don't like to hear about it, just don't read it I guess. Try to save the flaming for someone else, I get enough in real life. But I would really be open to honestly discussing this stuff and getting some advice. Ultimately, she can behave however she wants, as long as I get to be w/ my son. Sooner or later she will fuck up I am sure, and if not, then I will be free in 13 years.