William Shakespeare walks into a pub and the landlord says
"Get out, you're bard"
"Get out, you're bard"
Before I finish reading thisA long, long time ago, a knight was called upon to serve his king and join the crusades in the middle east, it was said that they would be facing an enemy of greater numbers in combat so his chances of return were slim....so he made preparations
His main concern was his fiance, a most beautiful young innocent maiden, so he had the local jeweler manufacture a chastity belt of the highest quality to maintain her purity while he was gone.....and as he was about to leave the castle on his war horse with his trusty sword and armor, he slipped the only key to the chastity belt into the hand of his most trusted and life long friend and whispered in his ear " If you receive news that I have fallen on the field of battle, then you know what you can do with this key to my love's purity....free her from these iron bonds so she may marry another" His friend nodded solemnly and hugged his best friend, wished him a speedy return ..then the knight grabbed his future young bride close to him and kissed her passionately and departed to the war with a stiff upper lip.
Well.........about 5 minutes later, even before the knight and his entourage were out of sight, the best friend came racing towards the knight on his horse waving the key in the air screaming out " IT"S THE WRONG KEY!!!!"
A man decides to to try his hand at male prostitution, so heads off for the night and stands on the corner.
When he returns his wife asks "How much did you make love?"
"£20:50" replies the man.
"Who gave you 50 pence?" asks the wife.
"Everyone" replies the man.