Jeez! Looks like I killed the thread with that last one... Sorry guys!
The killer line should have been: Have you got any Bud?
Jeez! Looks like I killed the thread with that last one... Sorry guys!
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only little Endo was left.
Endo, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Don't f*@#% with Mommy when she's been drinking."
remember it's the 1800s and things were way differnt then. This is a very old joke. My grandad said he heard it in the 1920s.
It's the middle 1800s and a young man and his virgin bride are driving a horse n buggy down a bumpy dirt road heading to their homestead.
The road was so bumpy and the vibrations running threw the buggy was making the bride extremely horny. She cries out "thats far enough I want you to fuck me rite here NOW!"
So he pulls the buggy over next to a small creek and they toss a blanket under a willow tree and strip down.
She being a tight virgin and he hung like a horse,they try and try to get it in but no luck.
He says I got a idea and runs back to the buggy and grabs a can from under the seat full of a black goo.
He applies a liberal amount on his huge cock and low and behold it slides rite in. They go at it feverishly,just be for the both get off they get stuck and can't get apart. They try every thing they can think of even jumping into to cold water in the creek. Nothing works. So they start hollering for help when a old prospector and his mule is walking by.
Intrigued the prospector goes to help and asked What happened?
They young man explains that he put axle grease cock to be able to get it in.
The prospector picks the can up and starts laughing his ass off.
What so funny the couple asks.
This ain't axle grease it's Spoke tightener!!
One day way back in the 70s I'm walking along the sidewalk on my way to the little neighborhood corner store, to get there I have to walk by The Westchester Academy for Gifted Children, you know, a school for downs syndrome kids.
As I pass I can hear them playing outside, the tall wooden fence keeps prying eyes away but I can clearly hear some of them chanting "11... 11... 11!"
Walking back home a few minutes later I can hear them chanting "13... 13... 13! ..... 13... 13... 13!!!" Curiosity gets the best of me as I decide to have a peek into their playground through a knothole in one of the boards.
As soon as I stick my eye up to the knothole one of those gifted bastards jabs a stick through it and pokes me in the friggin' eye, a HUGE cheer went up as they start chanting "14... 14... 14!!!"
I just came up with this one yesterday. I think I came up with it at least LOL.
QUESTION:
Why did Jane ask Tarzan for a divorce?
Answer:
Because he asked her if she wanted to have a treesome