Something that has been causing major internal conflict...

[KMK0420]

I'm sure every single grower who reads this message will understand where i'm coming from....even the mods. Mods i ask that you allow this thread to remain, if there are any hijackers please deal with them individually...this isn't to discuss illegal activities themselves, but the act of possibly becoming involved - no details, nothing specific, just a general mind-body-life situation i have and i'm stuck, and i need opinions.

Here's my situation. I need all of you to take a rip of your kindest, and think hard for me because this is going to help me make a life decision that may alter the rest of my life. Seriously.

I work for low-middle income wages. Above minimum wage....but not enough to live on my own decently. On the money i make, i can afford to pay student loans, car payment, cell...buy some things i need weekly...but as far as having a mortgage or something like that, noo way. Can't afford it. To create understanding, i could live "ok" in a big apartment with 3 roommates.

Anyway, I'm grateful I'm alive, I'm greatful that i have a job...and that i have an income. I truly am, because i see daily and hear from people who aren't as fortunate...and i wish someday i could help those people out...always have wanted to if i had crazy extra money. On any note, I also understand there's what we can generally call a QoL (quality of life), almost like a QoS. There are different levels of QoL, ranging from extremely difficult/borderline death to extreme luxury/no stress what-so-ever.

...Knowing this, is it wrong to want more? I have my beliefs as a christian, and I'm not here to discuss them but believers are taught to be humble, greed is obviously frowned upon....my question, which is rarely answered with something decent, is...from a believers point of view (non believers please, just dont even start.)....is wanting more or a better life for yourself greed in itself? For example...if i can afford a Chevy Malibu one day, but the next can afford a Chevy Tahoe...is it wrong, greedy or flamboyant to buy that? It's a luxury item, and you can afford it, so why is it wrong?

These kinds of questions build internal conflict with my upcoming 'situation'...

My job is extremely, extremely stressful. Some of you may have heard my stories (call center). It is so stressful that age my age (early 20s), i'm balding at an extremely fast rate due to constant, daily mental stress. Not to mention physical ailments (nausea, possibly stomach ulcer...heartburn...etc) all because of stress probably. I hate my job, I've gone on 6 interviews within the company for a position off the phones, but I'm up against so much competition i rarely get it. I applied to a different department and my interview is today 12/1 actually. 2pm. i work at 330-12. horrible day...interview..then 9hrs of work. fuck.

At any rate, i hate it. I don't feel that i'll get this job as i'm up against 100+ applicants probably. No lie. All in the same department as me, being judged by the same standards...tough to beat when you already don't give a fuck, hate your job and hate practically all management there for their idiocy, ignorance and hate for their employees.

I mentally can't handle it much longer. I know soon enough I'll play on my emotions and end up walking out, leaving myself without a job. I've put my resume in at 25+ local jobs that would allow me to live where i'm at now, which is barely making it with roommates...1 callback for a warehouse position at 8.00/hour - even at this, my car (only a trailblazer) would be repo'd. I have experience too...many retail stores, worked as a site assistant for a .com retail business...and now major call center experience @ technical level..and no calls back.

I don't want this life. I want more for me, my family. I want to be able to enjoy the rest of this experience here on earth. We all may have decades, but with the rate of population growth, problems in nature (global warming, possible pole shifts, etc.) not to mention escalating issues within other countries which may mean another possible major war...so much potential for negative, but barely any positives. Again I'm sure its probably nothing to worry about, but why not LIVE FOR TODAY? Live for today because you may not be here for tomorrow....

...On that note....do i want to be working at a fucking call center for the rest of my life? I don't have much experience (degrees) so i can't get something making decent cash...i can't go to school as i need to work full time to barely afford to survive. Not to mention i have way too many family obligations. I'm sure a lot of freetime would allow me to spend more time online to expand my skills in something (graphic design, website design, etc) which in the future, may employ me.

Now that i grow, i have helped friends out with their supply of marijuana to smoke for medical and recreational reasons. This extra income has tempted me bigtime, because it's crazy easy money. Problem I have is, I've made plans to make a much larger grow happen in the next few months (2x1000w)...we all know anything more than a 400w is either for medical dispensaries, or someone's hustlin'. I DGAF what any member here does with what they grow, but i'm sure many, many, many, many of you reading this...at some point...accepted monetary funds for cannabis. Again, not to get into details as thats pushing the limits on the TOU, but you now understand what's causing the internal conflict for me...

I hate my job. HATE IT. I am trying to get fired in tactical ways so i can get unemployment.

My roommates are moving out in 2 months. I then have a 1200/month bill on my hands, and i make a little more than that a month total. I'm FUCKED financially, if i can't get something quick i have to move in with my parents again...which, as a young man, is fuckin' retarded.

What the fuck man, so many people i know are telling me they are interested in me supplying them with those christmas 's, and with the climax of that...me being on final warnings/borderline termination at my job, hating it with every piece of my soul, me missing out on my family because of the shift i work (330-12), "okay" income...it's all pointing to one thing, which we can all deduce from what i've mentioned.

I just don't know. If i do this, there's no going back as it's all in or nothing with how i do shit, go big or go home. This can, and will drastically change my circumstances for the better, but as we all know life itself will change with the way you handle your family interactions, friend interactions, financial interactions, etc.

I have an answer, and I have made a decision, but can't finalize it because mainly, i have nobody to talk to about it in an anonymous way. So...Hello ICMAG!

 

[movingtocally]

I hear you, and I empathize. I'm having a bad week, and I'm still at the stage of my life where I'm extremely confused, miserable, and just generally lost.

As such, I'll sit back in learners mode and wait for older folks to chime in. The only thing that I will say, as someone who has basically throw himself to the wolves on this website as per wtf to do with myself-don't count on The Game long-term. Yes there will always be a market for headies, just like there is still a market for the best produce. but it sure as fuck won't be a 4K a pound, stupid money kind of market like it is right now. Prices are going to fall as legality spreads and more positive information about cannabis is released in the media.

I see absolutely no problem getting into the game on a minor level while you still can, morally or otherwise. Just know that, unless you've got a plot of land for your 100 pound harvest somewhere, it's not a long-term solution.

 

[ROJO145]

Its the LAST cash crop left in America,prolly the world for that matter!Anyone who has the means to turn a light on and grow money should.Forget all that internal conflict shit and live before ya die.We all are ya know
Dont let them stuck up med card holders and the "personal" growers fool ya,there ALL liein if they say they never profited from weed!

 

[Dr. Dank]

I dont get why you cant go to school in mornings, you mention family obligations but you live in apartment with roomates. Dude Jesus would not drive a tahoe. Sell pot if you want, but get educated. Prison is way worse than a call center.

 

[burnedout]

Whatever you do brother, DON'T ignore all that internal "conflict shit". We are the only living organisms on the planet that possess a conscience, so pay attention to it, it will lead you in the right direction.

One thing I'm curious about, do you live in a medical state?

 

[theHIGHlander]

go for it bro,,,stress is a killer,,BUT you might end up putting yourself under more stress doing this.....i know what i would do but thats me..........bro you dont need to worry about doing time if you remember rule# 1,,,,,no1 can know (not even friends),,,1/2 big sales= less stress.....fuck running about bro, thats just asking for trouble.......i wish you all the best...keep the numbers down a do a few

keep it green
highlander

 

[Bobby Stainless]

"You're young and you got your health, what you want with a job?" -Evelle

 

[sorcival]

Pay attention to the consciousness of your soul. YOU know the only right way for yourself.
No one else, not me or any one of us who writes in here can possibly know or understand
the personal, down home you that is YOU, or know for real what it is that you feel
LISTEN to your heart on this, decide as you know to be right, and then proceed with
the confidence of your own convictions.
peace

 

[Gypsy Nirvana]

what I have found in life is that those that take the biggest risks stand to benefit the most .....or loose the most from it....

....better to risk and live than not to risk at all and die a slow death on the chain-gang.....which from your point of view sounds like where you are at right now.....

 

[sparkjumper]

You have to ask yourself ,"do I feel guilty" with what I'm doing?I can tell you as a grower I not only don't feel guilty,I feel like I'm contributing a lot more to people than running some wires in an office bldg.It was an easy decision for me,but I'm a bit older now.If I would have attempted this in my twenties I probably would have failed one way or the other.If I was giving a bad deal I would know it,but thats not how it is.You rarely have the opportunity in life to be so generous too,if thats part of your thing.When I started growing in 2002 I really almost expected to have my door knocked in one day.I had a lot of negative energy going back then.Your personality and lifestyle will be the most deciding factors if you want to take this on.

 

[Darkstarlive]

You're young but you'll figure out that in this life you got to do what you got to do. Go for it with no regrets. Nothing wrong with wanting a better situation.

Peace..

 

[draco]

What GN said... risk is a part of life...
or
you can endure hell while you grow a tumor.

Your choice.

Best wishes

d

 

[sparkjumper]

He also said that you have a lot to lose if things head south,and thats a fact.It almost takes a certain situation for success,that being unmarried with no children.You have to ask yourself questions like where is the nearest school?Google cultivation busts in your county to get a picture of how serious leo is in your area.

 

[Perpetual Nooch]

If you're losing your hair over the stress of a measly call center job, what's going to happen when you've 20-30 plants in full flower in your bedroom? Do you have the balls to live there day in, day out, with the smell of harvests et al?

If yes, then do what you have to do to survive in this world. Just like everyone has done in history before you.

 

[3rd base]

Definitely some sound advice given here... Here's my

With regard to 'quality of life', I'm a firm believer in living within your means... a very reliable way of avoiding unnecessary stress, but a principle many have yet to master.

That said, you're young, you're not yet established and there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more. Wanting more, whether it be knowledge, money, sex or whatever is a good thing. It keeps you going, driving you toward your goals.

Greed however, is the root of all evil. It's not knowing when to say 'enough'. It's stepping on your neighbor's throat instead of helping him up, just to get ahead. Greed is what put the US in the dire situation we're in. Buy a Tahoe if that's what you need, otherwise it's just a poor allocation of money.

As unhappy as you are with your job, I'd have to stick it out until I found something better. If I had to supplement my income to make ends meet, I would. I'd also go back to school (or go the certification route, if that's how your field works) to have a legitimate way to earn a living. Consider it a back-up plan... having a way to exist in both worlds.

I share your philosophy of 'all in or nothing', but why can't it simply be supplemental to your other income? If that's just how it has to be, then sure, nothing ventured... nothing gained and as long as you understand and accept what you're risking there should be no surprises.

I wish you all the best on your interview. Good vibes to you...

 

[Sam the Caveman]

If your that miserable at your current job, I can't see it getting much worse.

I personally have a low threshold for pain and discomfort, I can handle a lot but I don't like a little, so I change what is within my power to do.

me personally, I would go for it, however I would also recommend finding some means of legitimizing incom. Once things get rolling, the operation doesn't have to be at your main residence, this will lower your stress a lot, you can have people over and sleep easy with minimized worries. It will cost more money, yes, but will secure your safety tenfold if the proper measures are taken to legitimize plausible deniability.

 

[SuperSizeMe]

Its the LAST cash crop left in America,prolly the world for that matter!Anyone who has the means to turn a light on and grow money should.Forget all that internal conflict shit and live before ya die.We all are ya know
Dont let them stuck up med card holders and the "personal" growers fool ya,there ALL liein if they say they never profited from weed!

What Red said....lay your thing down man

Do work son

 

[KMK0420]

Thanks for the input guys, those who don't already know...i grow currently. Havent been for that long, but i'm currently planning on harvesting my 2nd ever harvest in january. First harvest on a 400w=9.x ounces, with the size of the monsters i have no hoping for 10-12oz.

Either way, i understand some things can be stressful, but nothing's worse than this job. fuck dude, sometimes i'd rather be in prison. LOL

But it gives me a lot to think about. k+ guys

 

[HUGE]

Do what makes you happy period. You only have 1 life don't let anyone tell you how to live it. Don't give in to social pressures to be normal. There is no such thing as the right path only your path. All of our sence o right an wrong has been created in our heads. We make this world with our thoughts. Live how you wish the world was. Go watch the movie what the bleep do we know.

 

[rambone]

one life, don't waste it at a job you hate.