Don't trust anyone, not even family

[Elevator Man]

My folks know I grow, and as keen gardeners themselves, they find it difficult to avoid the topic - and they're ever-so-slightly interested...

But they definitely worry about me, as they've told me. It's not the health thing, it's just the fact that it's illegal, and they know I'm risking a lot. They're also a little bit proud that I'm willing to take such a risk for something I believe in. They're Catholic. Checkmate..

But since I lost my job two years ago, they've been helping me out with bits of cash now and again, and she once did say "I hope you're not spending this on cannabis", and that's when I reminded her that was the whole point of growing it - I don't have to spend it on cannabis! She had to agree it made sense...

But seriously BH, I've just read through the whole thread, and it makes me really sad, as I know how you must be feeling about this. Rescue is on the way...

 

[Guest]

im really sorry to hear that, its terrible that your mother caused the downfall of your medicinal grow op. and its even worse that she smashed all your equipment, there was no reason to do that at all.
i hope you find comfort in knowing you are still free and therefore are able to grow another day, all the best to you.

 

[Raco]

Sorry to hear that BH
Did you get my letter?
If you need some beans just let me know.

 

[Guest]

Sorry to hear about your problems meng

 

[Guest]

i grew up with a mother that sounds just like yours. she tried to control me and tell me how to live my life.
she is straight psycho and tries to give me grief everytime she gets in touch with me.
emotional blackmail is right up her alley aswell.
my mother is what you call a "man hater". she despises men because of bad relationships in her past, along with my father. being my father's son, i feel like she somewhat despises me being the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
i felt insane, confused and borderline suicidal when i lived under her roof.
i used to get the old "you're a peice of shit like your father" "you'll never amount to anything" etc etc.
alot of negative parental influence in my life growing up.
the best thing i ever did for my own mental health was to move out.
smoking alot of MJ also helped me cope.
still til this day, she only calls me for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only.
1 to give me shit or
2 to get me to do "man around the house" chores for her.
never a "how was your day?" or "how are you?"
it's strictly business for the worse 1/2 of my inherited genes.
if it were up to me, i wouldn't even talk to her.
my wife, being a great family person, makes me do it more or less.
so you see my friend, alot of people go through either the same or similar things as you.
all you can do is keep your head up, try your best and take care of yourself.
you can't make everybody happy at the same time.
you're a grown man and you're parents should treat you like one.
they might not have to approve of your desicions, but they damn well should respect them!

i'm sorry for my rant, but i felt you shouldn't have to feel alone in your struggles. we all been their at one point or another.
i hope things work out for you in the end man!

 

[Highlighter]

So sorry to hear this, BH. Your passion for your sativa queens was palpable.
My mother was a similar pain in my side, our relationship went alot better when I moved 5,000 miles away.
You've talked in the past of moving to Spain, at the very least consider Dutch Grown's suggestion.
I hope you can take this miserable event and turn it into a positive. Get the hell out, start a new life. You have alot of 'family' right here rooting for you.
Best wishes, HL

 

[Guest]

ngakpa you kill me "my grandmother, a Tunbridge Wells reptile in her 80s"
thats some funny shit, luckily i was blessed with understanding parents, although they dont like cannabis, when my old man called me up to yell at me he said " i found your plants in my yard and i am so pissed at you right now, if these plant arent gone by thursday im going to destroy them" (it was monday)

 

[Guest]

Sounds like bitter people to me. Move out of there and make it your past life. I had a shitty childhood but not quite like that. As said before you could press charges, as I probably would, disown yourself or at the very least get a restraining order, to ensure this will be a past life.

Or say fuck it all, don't tell anyone anything and one day just dissapear to Holland. I understand the natural sense we all have to love our parents, but I know if I ever met my mom, I would treat her like a total stranger. Just cause you came out of her crouch, doesn't make her a mother! She doesn't mean shit to me, not in a spiteful way, but she didn't want anything to do with me so she must respect my wishes to not be associated with her.

It is rough man but I look back and that was a past life for me. Don't know where my mom is now and I really don't care. Its like asking me where some random person is...no need to stress because I DO know where the wonderful, loving people who cared for me my whole life are, she just isn't one of them.

 

[Elephant Man]

I can sympathize BH my brother, I would love to take care of my mother, but her mental issues (or mine) have prevented it. I would just like to offer my best wishes...and although I can't do much else, you know I will certainly send seed when you are ready.

 

[Herbalistic]

Hola!!!

Thats fucked up situation you got there British. I was just about to ask a little update in your CG -thread, but saw PazVerdeRadical´s post about you. You get all my symphaty on this.

I know you are angry now, but try to swallow that anger and forget what happened. At the end of the day they are still your parents. Only thing you can do right now is to make sure that this kind of situation cannot repeat it self never again. It seems that your mother is more concerned about peoples opinions about her & your family than your welfare. Like you said you are 32 and take care of yourself so she shouldnt stress if you grow/toke cannabis. I was 15 when I moved out of home. The main reason was this so called "intependency" that I was after. I got dominating father you shouted me every day/time he come back from work, he didnt need reasons to shout, just he´s own frustation/bad condition. He used to spank me on my ass if somekind of accident happened (which is very usual for little kids.) and justified it with the fact that he´s own father used to beat him all over the body with telephone wire if he did something wrong... Now, when I am father my self, I cannot imagine to spank my little boy for no reason/any reason.

I am good friend with my father nowdays and I know he really cares about me. He has supported me through my heroin addiction and no matter what happened in my childhood I love my parents unconditionally and they do the same for me. As for my opiate addiction my mother went crazy for worry and used to call me daily. Now, I have been talked him several times that you dont have to be worry about your son anymore and it seems that she has understanded it. My parents hate all kind of drugs because of what they have done to me & our family, but they do accept my cannabis habit.

Anyways, the point is that if you have got problems in the past because of any kind of drugs, you must understand what your parents are thinking about drugs. Talk to them about how you grow cannabis for your medicine and all the good things it has brought to your life. Maybe they understand, maybe not(it seems that you have tried). Make clear for them that they dont have no right to get involved in your life if you dont want them to do so. If they still dont get the point -> you must choose, between your parents & cannabis. Yeah, I know it sounds sad, but you have to do it if they dont understand. No one cannot say what is right/wrong choice, because everybody has their own priorities.

I wish you can solve the situation so, that everybody is happy. If not, I hope you got your grow up fast & more vigorous than before. Please PM me, when you start growing again and I can send you some sativas goodies, because I know you love your sativas.

I wanna wish you all the best from my heart British Hempire!!!

 

[Guest]

Herbalisitc made some good points BUT I think you should do some research into narcissism and see if your parents show these symptoms. If they do, I suggest that you stay away from them and only deal with them if you HAVE TO.

Narcissism is a subtle yet HARMFUL characteristic because these people think they are always right, great in personality and therefore will look at others as objects and use them to live out there wants and needs. This deadly because it means YOU do not exist as a PERSON but as a TOOL and your feelings don't really matter unless it goes along with theirs.

I grew up with people like this including my mother and family members and I didn't understand why things were the way they were UNTIL I started observing and studying psychology and realized what I was up against. I was narcissistic at one point but I realized it was hurting me and how to change my ways.

I advise you to get books on narcissism and family because if your situation is like mine you will have A LOT of issues regarding trust and just being close to people due to lack of not knowing how the people you care about will react to you if they don't like what you say or do. You can use it for your benefit because you learn how A LOT of people think. I think narcissism is more prevalent than what is known just due to the fact that most people who I meet have these symptoms in extreme but they don't feel they need to be diagnosed because they are in perfect mental health which is basically what narcissism is. They think they are perfect and nothing is wrong with them. It's others people fault if something goes wrong. Being that they think like this, they will have no incentive to seek help or to change their ways.

Here's a book to help you start to learn about this disease:

http://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703

The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment

 

[Guest]

Here's something for now to explain what I'm writing about:

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_does_narcissism_affect_family_members

How does narcissism affect family members?

First answer by Bertha Turkus. Last edit by Vbala 99. Contributor trust: 303 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 147 [recommend question | report question]

Answer

The impact of narcissists on family members is described on many of the FAQs on this page and here:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq22.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq64.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq5.html

How to cope with a narcissistic abuser:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse3.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq4.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/npdtips.html

Answer

The closest adult family members feel dejected after interacting with the N. The N is an emotional 5 year old (other figures quoted are 3 year old and 6 year old) in the body of an adult.

What the person interacting with the N sees is a series of disparate symptoms that he cannot put a finger on.

a) The N leaves you with a feeling of guilt. The N thrives by making you feel guilty and inadequate.

b) The N is like a parasite who clings on to you and keeeps asking for physical/emotional/material stuff to keep him high and you get nothing in return. You stop thinking that you usually are entitled to something in return.

c) You feel emotionally drained and perhaps deep inside want to murder him or atleast get away as far as possible. At this point in time, you may not even know that the N is the cause of this.

d) You stop spending any time with the N. You start keeping different hours/schedules so your need for interacting with him is minimized.

e) You start thinking that you are going crazy and becoming a "bad" person. It starts affecting your relation with other (normal) people.

f) During this time, the N has perhaps made you look like the villain in the family.

g) Most of the family members may not have heard of NPD and may typically not tell each other about their experiences with the N. They tend to feel that the N is just high-strung.

Once all the family members get together the problem and the person that has it would have been identified. Till this time, it would seem like a madhouse without anyone being able to sense exactly what or who is wrong.

 

[cooked cook]

to say the least.
BH, this is truly horrible news. If it were me, I would feel completely as if my family had turned on me, betrayed by those that should defend and love me no matter what.
I would then just be very very gone, never in contact with them again. I hope things work out better than that for you. Much peace to ya, bro.
cc

 

[Bacchus]

Sorry to hear of your family problems. Move away and start over fresh.

 

[Mad HattersWrld]

It's all perception, and Im sorry to say you didnt maintain a good perception of yourself. Don't make her accept the habit of growing and smoking, lie about it. If you had a hard working job she wouldnt think you even have time to grow. I feel your pain on mental abuse but if you dont want to fight her(no one should want to argue with their mother, its a pointless habit) LIE ABOUT IT!! Some people will never be converted

 

[Guest]

Well, things have calmed down here, my mother has calmed down and relaxed now, I have managed to setup a 250w HPS in a small cabinet that is well concealed and have 6 clones and a couple of seedlings in there flowering, some nice stuff - Herijuana, AK47 x Hawaiian Delight, Purple Rhino, Lowryder x Skunk #1, Lowryder x Widowhaze, Black Light, Purple Skunk x Mighty Mite and Colombian Gold x Grapefruitbowl. The 6 clones are all 3 foot tall ,some of them really bushy with 8 or more tops, they survived as they were outside hardening off in a friend's greenhouse before being planted in the woods nearby, the last two were entrusted to a friend to care for while I was in Amsterdam as they are bearing F2 seeds and i didn't want to run the risk of loosing all my careful selection and breeding work.

Thankyou to everyone for all the kind words, support and advice. I am working on relocating, and I may have found a job in Amsterdam at double my current salary, if I do get that job it will be the beginning of an exciting new chapter in my life. All the kind folks from icmag are welcome to come visit if I do move to the Dam, my couch is always available to any icmagers who are in need!

 

[Highlighter]

Glad to hear things have worked out. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Best wishes, HL

edit; fuck I'm high, is it 'distance' or 'time'? or am I thinking "time heals all"?

 

[Maj.PotHead]

BH glad to hear your back up and rolling i had problems with my step brother well i said screw him lmao and have double what i had growing lol.

gl in the dam i went there in 1981 had a blast at the bulldog and milkyway i believe they where called. 4day pass us army he he

 

[GDB]

Time to take your habits and hobby underground, admit fault, pull the wool over your families eyes, and above all do what the fuck you want!

 

[newbieb]

my parents would do the same. you just gotta hide it from them better.