May this old retired Native American half breed and former student of the martial arts offer some perhaps overly long winded insight?
I could have written exactly what you did about an abusive father and being bullied as a child.
As an adult I am (was) only 5’ 8” tall, and didn’t reach that height until I was 22 and already out of the military. I was like a magnet that attracted every bully within range. I also suffered badly from acrophobia from a long childhood fall.
I’ve found that taking my phobias head on works best for me, with a little afore sight and planning. For instance, I over came my acrophobia by learning to skydive, and as if by magic bullies stopped picking on me when I was no longer afraid of them from studying martial arts.
I am old and gray now and never revealed to many people my martial arts back ground, but no sober men and only a few drunk bullies even picked on me after I stopped broadcasting fear signals, because I do not seek out conflict and the last thing a bully is looking for is to get hurt. They are afraid themselves and are seeking out a weaker pigeon.
Trust me when I say that I look like neither a pigeon nor a threatening challenge. I didn’t achieve success overnight, but after reaching only a green belt, I sent the next 6’ plus, 250# plus bully who attacked me to the receiving ward with a broken nose, collapsed sinuses, urinating blood, swollen testicles, and a concussion. Green belt proficiency is easy to achieve in a relatively short period of time.
I continued to study various martial arts for the next decade and a half or so and have never found it necessary to seriously injure anyone since the first encounter. In reflection, even though I had taken martial arts, I was still afraid of the last bully and drew him in. I also kept up my counter attack until he stopped grappling with me, not understanding he was stunned by the first straight punch between the eyes and trying to pin me to save himself.
Fortunately, after truly understanding how much damage a four brick punch delivers between someone’s eyes, or how easy it is to break both of someone’s legs to make them short enough to give a concussion, I’ve never broadcast enough fear to attract a bully again. I have also only had to hit one drunk one time since then to make my point and end the dance.
I taught the women in my rape proof classes to skip the testicles and start by breaking a leg so that the assailant at least couldn’t chase them and if necessary, poke out both their eyes so they also couldn’t see to chase them.
I also suggested that all my students read The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musash, so as to better understand that martial arts is not about pure defense, it about attack, attack, attack, in defense.
If you know your assailant is going to attack, why wait? Take him out and save yourself some bruises. You can’t reliably block all attacks and sooner or later one will get through if you drag it out.
Best to remember however that once you have thwarted their attack, any further aggression on your part makes you the aggressor and subject to scrutiny and prosecution by the local protect and serve folks.
That moves us to the next point, which is that someone who has been bullied like me and thee, has deep pools of repressed anger. I burned off that energy over the years using strenuous aerobic workouts and sitting meditation.
Sitting meditation brings your attention to the here and now, which is important if you are watching for signs that the other person is executing an attack. It also gets you out of your head where you are worrying about the attack.
A competent sensei can teach you to sit Zazen (sitting Zen meditation), in addition to learning martial techniques. I recommend that if you seek one out, that you look for a school that does light contact sparring, in addition to katas and attack counter lines.
Tempo, timing, and focus are critical to the execution of a technique and your body must learn to do it on autopilot with everyone dancing around. You accomplish that through practice, practice, practice, so that it becomes like driving a car, while your attention is dealing with other issues.
My long way of saying do your homework and build your confidence and bullies usually go else where.
May you realize the embrace of the Great Spirit!
Gray Wolf
Call the Cops dude.
The way you articulated yourself was not healthy or normal. You seem completely and utterly incapable of exercising the basic psychological defensive tools that most of us have at a much, much younger age.
Until then, don't fucking kill anybody, please.
I recommend that if you seek one out, that you look for a school that does light contact sparring, in addition to katas and attack counter lines.
You're fine dude, maybe not that convincing as an ass kicker. That's where playing the game helps in certain situations. It's not something you can bust out in the second half though. Calling the cops might be the thing to do if you weigh the circumstances and feel personally outmatched, especially if a crime is committed. They get paid to help you when you need it.are you saying my writing seems crazy ?
it's down to earth, easily readable
If you can't kick the fuckers ass and can't or won't call the cops, play dirty.
I guess I wouldn't be out trying to get back/teach him a lesson if I was happy in my life dunno ?
I just feel like going back to him and breaking his head open
how do you deal with your anger ?
I recommend a school where you don't do kata/forms, but rather learn how to fight. Although, kata/forms are great exercise and can really help you improve ur flexibility.
Not to cut down other martial arts (because I've done most of them myself), but "light sparring" isn't going to cut it. The best it will do for you is help you get your timing down.
Most important when looking at a school, is if it fits in with you or not. Just watch them and see if its something you would like to do. Don't do Krav Maga whatever you decide. That is the dumbest crap out there and has nothing to offer unless you're a cop and its a really good school.
hey gray wolf what style of martial arts do you train? Cool story, im assuming you are training tae kwon do or something like that?
As far as which style is best, anyone that wins as far as I am concerned. Despite the movies showing long drawn out battles, I have never seen a serious one last more than a few seconds. The basic blows and kicks are pretty much the same and the difference is in their execution. Any one of those blows, regardless of the style, in most cases should do the trick.
I say most cases, because the hard Korean styles are strikingly different than a light fast style like Wing Chun, which was designed by a woman to be used against much larger opponents. For instance they use single sunfist for both the block and the riposte in situations that a Korean style would use a hard block, followed by a straight punch.