My father used to say

[EllieGrows]

My dad never told me anything because he is an work-a-holic, and obsessed with money. However he did take me to my first dead show. I'll give him that.

 

[Pot Pimp]

Shit man I say that now

am I turning into my old man?

You have to question that? LOL, I think as we get older we start to appreciate being like our dads in a lot of ways. When I was 17 my dad was the dumbest person on earth. It was *amazing* how much he had learned by the time I was 27!

 

[LivingKoan]

A retard is a person who might walk to work and/or carry their lunch.

my dad wold say this when i showed stupidity, i never did understand it:

"Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?"

what the fuck does that mean!!!???

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I'll never forget this one from my dear old pops. "Smokin' them marijuana cigarettes will give ya man boobs!"

He was a high school teacher about the time Colombian pot hit the streets. I got my first bag of red bud when I was 14 for $30/ounce. My mom found it and gave it to pops. He said, "That don't even look like pot, you got ripped off!" I wanted to roll him up a fatty and dare him to smoke half of it. He woulda had a near-death experience. You know, the first time you REALLY get high and think yer gonna die?

 

[Carl Spackler]

You have to be smarter than what you are working on...

 

[BLUNToPOTomuss]

my father died from an overdose of Meth when I was 14

the only "sex" advice my dad gave me........

My father said...."son, if th pussy stinks, DONT FUCK IT!"

That was my "sex talk" with my dad!!!!

 

[Hydro-Soil]

"You'll find a few situations in life where it's best for everyone to just do it first and apologize later. Stuff that needs to be done that you'll never get permission for but nobody will mind when it's finished."

I wouldn't pass that advice on to just anyone.... takes a fair amount of wisdom to apply it properly.

 

[chuckyoufarley]

1 bright day in the middle of the night, 2 dead soldiers got up to fight,back to back they faced 1 another,drew their swords and shot each other,the old deaf sheriff heard the noise, he came running to arrest them 2 dead boys

 

[Phillthy]

"cheap is expensive because you have to buy it twice."
"who left the god damn light on up here?!"
"your mother... always trying to fit 10lbs of trash in a 5lb bag."
"dont shit where you eat" referring to me hammering the gas of my 500hp mini truck up the block...lol

 

[ureapwhatusow]

"the apple doesn't fall far from the tree"

 

[idoja]

"put your mother on the phone boy." -the only words that i can remember my father saying to me.

 

[Babbabud]

My father used to say "The sweetest meat is closest to the bone"
I married a skinny woman.
My father used to say. " Not sure why God built the snack bar so close to the outhouse".

 

[unclefishstick]

"owing you is better than cheating you out of it"

"if you weren't obnoxious you wouldn't have a personality"

...dad had a very corny sense of humor...

 

[JamieShoes]

"you can tell everything you need to know about a man from his shoes" - no, really... lol


edit - just had a right good laff reading through this thread, it needs more entries


2 more of my dads "little gems" were "shut that f*cking DOOR!" and "son, whatever you do, don't get married"...

 

[Big D]

"you can tell everything you need to know about a man from his shoes" - no, really... lol

I think that is similar to what my mom told my sisters...
"you can tell everything you need to know about a man from the SIZE of his shoes." lol


another thing my dad used to say, "son why don't you try using your head for something other than a hat rack!"

 

[JamieShoes]

hehee my mum told my sisters something similar but the word she used was WALLET!!

 

[Guest3498]

"Never forget who your friends are, and never forget who aren't your friends"

and chalk up another "turn the FUCKING light off when you leave the room"

 

[Brother Bear]

My father used to say.....
Nothing, cause i never met him.

 

[oldone]

My Dad used to say;
"Son, there's good people and bad people. It dont matter what color their skin is, where they work or where they live. And you cant tell by lookin"

When I would'nt do something...
"there aint no hooks in your ass or trees in your way...MOVE IT.

Jeeze I miss him.
OO

 

[kmk420kali]

"Get up and put it on channel 11"
"Don't spin the goddamn channel selector so fast!!"
"25 cents a GODDAMN GALLON for gas!!"
"Don't tell your Mother..." (That one sounds weird...it wasn't meant that way!)