The Original O'l Farts Club.
- Thread starter Putembk
- Start date
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed.
His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into he room and asked him to take this note to your beautiful mommy.
The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread
, The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed
.
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly daddy.
Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today
.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.
Then, he asked his son to take it back to the lady in the kitchen.
His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing
, And Come Give Me Some Head
. Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs.
Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By HandFFS!
His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into he room and asked him to take this note to your beautiful mommy.
The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread
, The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed
.Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly daddy.
Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today
.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.
Then, he asked his son to take it back to the lady in the kitchen.
His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing
, And Come Give Me Some Head
. Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs.
Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand
FFS!
cola
Well-known member
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed.
His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into he room and asked him to take this note to your beautiful mommy.
The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread
, The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly daddy.
Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today
.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.
Then, he asked his son to take it back to the lady in the kitchen.
His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing
, And Come Give Me Some Head
. Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs.
Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand
You would have to truly be an Old Fart, with all the complexities and issues inherent that we Ol Farts face,
to truly understand and appreciate that!! Thanks
For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation - just remember,
it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal
Government employee performance evaluations.
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom
and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
13. "He's been working with glue too much."
14. "He would argue with a signpost."
15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored,
he's the other one."
18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
19. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
20. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
21. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."
22. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is
out looking for it."
23. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
24. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
25. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
26. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
27. "One neuron short of a synapse."
28. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
29. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
30. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"
it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal
Government employee performance evaluations.
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom
and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
13. "He's been working with glue too much."
14. "He would argue with a signpost."
15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored,
he's the other one."
18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
19. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
20. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
21. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."
22. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is
out looking for it."
23. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
24. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
25. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
26. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
27. "One neuron short of a synapse."
28. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
29. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
30. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"
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Done with the coffee..... time for the paperwork.
Post some pics of those new babies…New calf this morning ! Gotta run.
Well - it's Sunday - but I had plans - to not go swimming - but to just take a dip in the pool - and move about a bit - doing some small and basic aqua movement - then I sneezed - 
- it hurt - and the sofa looked much more inviting - after breakfast - already walked 2 miles in the very early morning - 2 more miles due - after 6pm - to sort the cats out - that's busy enough for me today - 
- bit of sunshine out on my balcony - so vitamin D is available - and a couple of Zamaldelica seedlings 
have popped up too - which is nice -
- it hurt - and the sofa looked much more inviting - after breakfast - already walked 2 miles in the very early morning - 2 more miles due - after 6pm - to sort the cats out - that's busy enough for me today - - bit of sunshine out on my balcony - so vitamin D is available - and a couple of Zamaldelica seedlings have popped up too - which is nice -
Growing marijuana is the best therapy there is
Good Morning OF's
My morning contribution to the admiration of the female form... bouncing boobies set to music
Everyone needs a little ukulele music in the morning
Yup. I would never declaw a cat. Can't protect themselves and totally changes their demeanor.
imiubu
Well-known member
Bummer,
There was a young squirrel laying at the edge of the road in front of the house.
Must have just happened as I was on the porch less than an hour ago.
25 is the speed limit but there is always ass hats that speed down through here.
Grabbed my gloves to go out and toss it into the field across the way.
It was still alive and no blood showing. I picked it up and it protested a bit
by chewing on my glove. I got it across the street to the tree where it resides.
It either has a brain injury or internal trauma. It can move yet I don't think
it will make it. Causes me sadness on this early a.m.
There was a young squirrel laying at the edge of the road in front of the house.
Must have just happened as I was on the porch less than an hour ago.
25 is the speed limit but there is always ass hats that speed down through here.
Grabbed my gloves to go out and toss it into the field across the way.
It was still alive and no blood showing. I picked it up and it protested a bit
by chewing on my glove. I got it across the street to the tree where it resides.
It either has a brain injury or internal trauma. It can move yet I don't think
it will make it. Causes me sadness on this early a.m.
