midgethorse
Member
What do you do when you see Michael J Fox in a hot tub?
"Throw your laundry in"
"Throw your laundry in"
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draco
little Johnny again
little Johnny again
so one day the teacher asks the class ," if there are four birds on the fence and a hunter shoots one, how many are left?"
little Johnny raises his hand and says, " there would be none! the sound of the gun would scare the other birds away!"
the teacher says, "well Johnny, the correct answer is three. but... i like the way you're thinking."
at lunch Johnny went to the teacher and said," my single dad was hiring a secretary and had three women to choose from. one was large, one was in her fifties, and one was just out of college. who do you think he picked?"
the teacher replied, " well, i suppose he chose the one just out of college."
little Johnny said, " he picked the one that was most qualified. but... i like the way you're thinking."
little Johnny again
so one day the teacher asks the class ," if there are four birds on the fence and a hunter shoots one, how many are left?"
little Johnny raises his hand and says, " there would be none! the sound of the gun would scare the other birds away!"
the teacher says, "well Johnny, the correct answer is three. but... i like the way you're thinking."
at lunch Johnny went to the teacher and said," my single dad was hiring a secretary and had three women to choose from. one was large, one was in her fifties, and one was just out of college. who do you think he picked?"
the teacher replied, " well, i suppose he chose the one just out of college."
little Johnny said, " he picked the one that was most qualified. but... i like the way you're thinking."
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He
finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniel's.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you
wanna hear a blonde joke?'"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell
that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that
blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No
.. hell no,
not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniel's.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you
wanna hear a blonde joke?'"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell
that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that
blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No
.. hell no,
not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbor Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself." Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too." ...and drives off.
BornToBeWild
Member
Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide to go rob a bank.
"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.
"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all tied up in rope. Behind her, the guard comes running out...with his pants down!
Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!"
"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.
"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all tied up in rope. Behind her, the guard comes running out...with his pants down!
Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!"
You need to explain this one mate....Fucking lost me.
SpayceRayce
Member
2 televangelists were sitting in a room, not stealing money, smoking meth or sucking dick.
Hahahahahahahahaha, I love that one. As if.
Hahahahahahahahaha, I love that one. As if.
lol...just when it can't get any worse...it gets worse.
chemoboi
Member
I have cancer and I thought it was hilarious. Thanks for having the balls to post.
**
How many cancer victims does it take to change a light bulb?
None: they're too weak to climb the ladder.
**
...carry on...
Talk about dark humor, this website my friend showed me is horrible. Dead baby jokes dot come.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
They get way worse.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
They get way worse.
SpayceRayce
Member
What do ya call someone with no arms and no legs floating floating in the ocean? Bob.
What do ya call someone with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? Matt.
What do ya call someone with no arms and no legs lying on the beach? Sandy.
What do ya call a deaf dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, it ain't gonna come anyway.
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full.
What do ya call someone with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? Matt.
What do ya call someone with no arms and no legs lying on the beach? Sandy.
What do ya call a deaf dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, it ain't gonna come anyway.
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full.
SpayceRayce
Member
How can you tell if a politician is lying? His lips are moving.
SpayceRayce
Member
What do you call a horrible bus crash with dozens of lawyers, politicians, cops and religious leaders dead? A good start.
