Relationship Advice

[hotmamakerr]

strong cookie? she latched onto a guy had three kids with him then had her chance to book and she did, that's not strong that getting by anyway she can and that is why you don't date those people.

And before you or anyone talks shit to me about I don't know what this girl went through, my gay cousin molested me for 3 years pretty regularly, when I was a kid. GAY COUSIN, trust me that fucks a straight guy up.

Yes, strong cookie. Why is it she latched on to a guy? Did you latch on to someone too just because you were abused? I read it and understood it to mean she got with this guy as she was looking for something after having her perception on relationships skewed and he offered it when she was emotionally broken and trying to put herself back together. Same, as I'm sure you have done (as we all do) while growing into adulthood and dealing with the past.

It's unfortunate that things didn't work out as she has three kids with him but, as I'm sure you know, it's just one of those learning curves of life. I don't understand how you can say she will be off looking for another meal ticket first chance she gets as she did after all, stay with this guy for EIGHT YEARS before meeting whodi and falling for him. That's not someone who is out for what they can get and 'getting by any way they can' thats someone who is stong as they lie in the bed they make.

Whodi mate, forget the past and focus on the future. It sounds to me that she feels she can truly open up and be herself with you regardless of what has been done to her in the past. Her being passionate and dirty in bed is her expressing how YOU make her feel. You make her feel confident, secure and loved enough for you both to be free to express your love for eachother.

Don't dwell on the past, just accept it and move on. Thats all it is after all, the past, and there is nothing you can do to change it. You can only help shape her future.
Our life experiences shape us and makes us who we are. You should look at the woman you love with new eyes and be proud that she has come through some real bad shit to be this beautiful person that you see before you. Many crumble and can't cope with life but she doesn't sound like one of them to me.
She sounds pretty grounded.
In fact, it seems to me that she has put it away so it doesn't effect her present or future and thats why she brushes over it when you try to talk to her about it. It has no bearing on what you have, she was just letting you know about her past life and what brought her to you.

These doubts you are having, it seems to me, are only surfacing because of just how much you feel for her. It runs deep and you're thinking long term and that is REALLY scary..... (LOL)

Just enjoy what you have, embrace the positive not the negative and if she makes you happy, just go with the flow and live well.
You are a long time dead xXx

 

[stealthballer]

I'm an independent guy and do very well on my own and with little affection. It hurts to lose someoen you love, or for them to do you wrong, yes. But, that's life. Live, learn, move on.

I'm not going to break up with the girl just cause a few guys on the internet, who doesn't even really know her, tells me to.

But trust me, I have taken yalls advice and it'll always be in the back of my mind.

What's the worse that can happen anyways? So what if she does end up doing me wrong? She'll just be another memory in my head. Yeah it'll suck but not the end of the world cause a girl does you wrong.

dont let her kids get attached to you

beyond that no its not the end of the world, but its enough a part of your world that you needed advice, valid or not, you needed other's opinions.

Girls like this suck you in man, keep your head in right and don't fall into it too hard. If you do step back and re-read the words of strangers. Who have no reason to lie, no agendas or emotions, they tend to just say whats real.

good luck

 

[whodi]

....

 

[whodi]

...

 

[stealthballer]

not a matter of try man they just do.

Don't let her kids get attached, that's all I care about.

And pass on your wisdom when the time comes, most won't listen but some will.

 

[southflorida]

whodi....i already made some comments in this thread but anyway here is one more

first of all, the fact that she has three kids.....is totally normal......since women have an instinct, and most (except lesbians, well even some lesbian women want kids) women give birth to kids

its how we all got here....where each of us is now....from inside a woman....maybe some forgot or smoked too much weed...lol

at the current moment what you are saying....and for some reason many who write'don't want to hear this.....is that you are simply dating her...and to you she seems to be a nice person who treats you well

she is still the same woman....if she has 3 kids...2 kids...1 kid...or no kids at all....ppl

pre-judging a person is simply not a fact....it is only an assumption

and by the way....every kid she has...is also a person...with feelings and dreams like every one of us....what if you were one of those kids...would you want someone calling you baggage?

i talk from experience.....i married my wife when i was 24 and she was 29, and she had two kids from a past relationship

up to this point i always said that i would never marry in my life, and that i always will be single

after meeting my wife......i fell in love with her so much....that the fact that she had kids didn't make her better or worse...it was just part of reality

i love her to this day....fourteen years after we got married...and our last kid, the younger son (we also have an older daughter) graduated from middle school

i live in an eastern european country...and the opinion about single women with children is the same as everywhere......that they are somehow worse as women than the women who have no children

now her sister who is 12 years younger for example has no kids, but she drinks, smokes, and overreats on a regular basis, she is fat and unhappy. She is married to a man who hates her guts and doesnt hide this from her or the rest of the world around them.

its something like a saying in my country...its better to be wealthy and healthy than sick and poor......maybe it is better in some ways to have a good woman without children....but its better to have a good woman with children then having a bad woman with no children

so whodi....just keep dating her.....and your heart will stear you right...i think you will know if she is the right person for the long haul....or not

 

[whodi]

....

 

[krustytheclown]

Best of luck to you, whodi. Don't be afraid to walk when the time comes.

 

[HerbGlaze]

Shes young has 3 kids.. thats a lot on your plate brother..
If its really stressing you out.. dont put up with it, its for the best in my opinion tell her your feelings and then leave her nicely.
There are tons of petite,pretty,single,NO kids, kind of girls trust me man.

 

[southflorida]

whodi......its just that looking at people...any people as some kind of symbol...like ''baggage, who's, etc'' forms something in the mind that has nothing to do with reality

it is better to call things as they are...imo

this way you are seeing reality more clearly...know what i mean

if you are honest with yourself...and can understand current reality.....you will have no problem making good decisions

it goes something like this.....''if you focus your choices upon the results you want to create....your choices will be a lot more effective'' think about it

its simple...you ask yourself the most basic question

''what do i want?''......then you ask the next

''what do i currently have?''.......then the next

''how do i get from where I am now to where I want to be in the future?''

this way the steps that you must take to get from ''here'' to ''there'' will more or less will be obvious to you

and all you do is continue to track current reality...and adjust your steps

its what we do anyway...only mostly unconsciously....and that is why we get mixed results

but if you do this consciously you will get further ahead believe me...try it out for yourself...you will be surprised

 

[wvkindbud38]

Whodi hows it going with this chick? I've read this whole story and have grew curious as to how it's going...or is it over? I would watch out for her to get back with her ex. If he makes some effort and plays that it's best for the kids to have there daddy deal. Then she thinks he's changed and it's best for the kids to have there mom and daddy together. Am I right...did she take her ex back? Give us a update man. Good luck

 

[Hydro-Soil]

Hey Whodi,

I only have a couple of things to mention from my own experience. Should help with just about everything you do though.


#1 Be completely honest with her, yourself and everyone around you.

#2 She needs counseling. Someone to speak with about her 'baggage' that ISN'T YOU! Simply put, you are not a therapist and, even if you were, it's not good for any relationship for you to act as one for your mate. Our job is to listen to them and help them understand they need therapy of some sort from a professional.

#3 Always remember that life is about moving forward, learning new skills and improving yourself and those around you. Without this you're only waiting around to die and it affects every aspect of your life and those around you.

#4 You cannot help someone who has not already begun to seek help.

#5 Don't worry....... Be Happy.

I wish you all the best. There is no luck, only determination to be ready for opportunities when they present themselves.

 

[whodi]

....

 

[whodi]

....

 

[wvkindbud38]

Good to hear the good news Whodi. It's none of my business but if I was supposed to pay child support I would....you can't have 3 kids and not support them...even if she left him. That's the worst thing about it(the kids not getting child support). I'm sure that dudes a loser I wish your girl would've figured that out before she had 3 kids with him(I'm sure you do also)?