Help explaining to wife why THC is for me!

[Pythagllio]

My cannabis use is a core part of me and if you don't accept that well your never going to accept me.

I think that question is the one OP truly has to answer. If it is, then it doesn't matter how much he's in love with his wife, she isn't in love with him, but with the man she wants him to be. If it's not part of his core being, he should quit and never look back. People act as if it's somehow a minor point and that love will conquer all. The core of your being is never a minor point. Very few couples succeed when their core beings are in conflict. 'Love conquers all' is a nice sentiment, but hardly ever true.

Yes, people are more important than getting high, but that core compatibility is the most important thing in a marriage. If getting high is in OP's core character as it is in me, the poster above, and many cannabinoid users he wouldn't be leaving her for pot, he'd be leaving her because they're not truly compatible.

 

[!!!]

"Understanding Marijuana" is an excellent book. Highly recommended for every smoker.

A good way to help "ease" her into the pot scene is by watching shows/movies together where pot isn't a big deal. The scene is probably foreign to her and until she realizes that "everybody does it" she won't understand why you do it.

 

[Olum]

My cannabis use is a core part of me and if you don't accept that well your never going to accept me.

I think that question is the one OP truly has to answer. If it is, then it doesn't matter how much he's in love with his wife, she isn't in love with him, but with the man she wants him to be. If it's not part of his core being, he should quit and never look back.

I don't know how to answer that. Cannabis has been a part of my life for many years, long before I met my wife, but it's not as important to me as my wife is. However this isn't a situation in which I must choose one over the other. We've talked about this many times, and we're at a sort of stand still on the issue. She knows that I'm going to do whatever I want and there's nothing she or anyone else can do to stop me, but that's not going to stop her from getting upset about it. She comes from a very traditional family and she just doesn't get it. When the topic comes up now, she's very careful not to yell or show anger about it, because she knows that I believe there is nothing wrong with cannabis and she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. She has gone from being very angry about it a few years ago to now more or less disagreeing with me, not understanding, and not liking it. She does get upset about it, but if I don't throw it in her face, there is seldom fighting over the topic.

By the way, this came up today because I told her that I might go to the rainbow gathering again this year. She came up with a host of reasons that she didn't want me to go, but I knew that the real reason was because I was going to smoke there. I responded that I would do that at home to and thus our conversation began. I accused her of being closed minded and said that no matter what I said or showed her she would never change her mind, no matter what. I think that sparked something because that's when she asked me to show her one article that said something good about MJ.

Thank you for your opinions and feedback people, please continue posting article links! Thanks!

 

[gdtrfb]

have you ever just put it down to brass tacks, and stated 'i enjoy it, isn't that enough for you?'

i get the drive to inform, but...informing her that you're allowed to like things she may not is the crux of the biscuit.

 

[Stoner4Life]

I would appreciate if people could stick to the task at hand -- gathering articles.

as the next best thing to Yummybud you'll be getting advice.

 

[CarpeLibertatem]

This might be tough, but I think you can overcome.....

First, you will likely not find her a credible, satisfying-to-her, source saying weed is good.....mainly because it is all opinion.

Second, she asked you to find this article believing, probably correctly, that you would not find one.....smart. BUT, the fact she asked you to do this suggests to me that somewhere in her she might not believe cannabis is truly in the same league as the drugs her family has had problems with. She has just never given this specific issue any thought because she decided long ago what she thought about drugs as a whole.

I think you should work toward separating weed, in her mind, from those other drugs she will never change her tune about. Tell her many good, upright, moral, productive people use it and don't share the government's opinion on it. Maybe delve into why it became illegal in the first place, with all the lies, deceit, and political machinations(Money, Dupont-cotton/textile industry vs industrial hemp; Ford vs Rockefeller and the future fuel source for the nation: Ford wanted ethanol and products from hemp ie Ford's first car; Rockefeller wanted petroleum; also how prohibition of alcohol is directly related to hemp prohibition for this very reason...future fuel source for the nation-obviously we know who won this battle; money, power, politics, etc).Credible sources for this will be easier to find. You also may want to touch upon how cannabis derivatives were very common medicines in times past; times when people as a whole were more conservative, religious, and arguably moral, than they are today. These are just some tacts i might take...

Also, tell her how being buzzed on bud is no different than having a few drinks and is much milder, more controllable, and less damaging than being drunk. Try not to use terms like high or stoned....they sound bad.

This is doable; just do it with love and be patient. Wear her down with your love, patience, and truth.....

 

[Olum]

as the next best thing to Yummybud you'll be getting advice.

What's a Yummmybud? Can I eat it or smoke it?

Advice is cool, I just want to make sure people keep posting links to articles as well, as that is the main purpose.

I have half a mind to show her the stir my asking for help on this matter has caused in this thread.

 

[Frozenguy]

THC kills lung cancer, study by HARVARD
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/04/070417193338.htm

THC kills brain cancer cells, done by university in Spain.
http://www.jci.org/articles/view/37948

This man is one of four FEDERAL medical mj patients. Smokes 11oz a month! Handles millions of dollars a day. His family is FULL of doctors, well educated ones. This is his testimony in front of the Michigan committee of government operations (helping citizens of Michigan get access to MMJ). lvzX8aNwxgM Copy and paste that into youtube, I cant post the video or admin will delete. It is a GREAT watch, just a couple minutes.

Check out this chart done, and check out the doctors that did this.

LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT LEAST. Every drug that the FDA has on file basically has an "n" number, or dose, which is a dosage that on average, will kill a human being. CDC, FDA, never could come up with a number for cannabis because it doesn't kill you. No one has ever overdosed from mj.


And by the way, it sounds like your wife loves, and cares for you very much. How would you react if she did something you grew up knowing was bad? Sounds like she wants to have a long happy life with you and is scared to death that you may not make it. That can come out in anger among other emotions. But it does also sound like she supports as hard as it is for her.

What you are doing is good, to try and educate her, just be easy on her and know its coming from love, not control or something. (I dont know her, this is just what it sounds like)

 

[Dreamz_Of_Green]

I beg to differ.

it IS possible to have a mate who doesn't use cannabis (or whatever your thing is) when the relationship is good and built on solid ground.

This isn't a rejection of MJ, it's a rejection of the individual.

right on ....my wifey now is a smoker but it can work .even if the other person doesnt smoke ... my sons mom doesnt smoke we did great together and went our own ways for reasons of bettering our son's life

 

[m00nchild]

Tell her that after smoking cannabis you have these overwhelming, intense, BURNING compulsion to give her oral.

If she is still against it, she's got problems beyond just not understanding cannabis.

 

[SuperSizeMe]

What's a Yummmybud? Can I eat it or smoke it?


With some Fava beans and a nice chianti...

I have half a mind to show her the stir my asking for help on this matter has caused in this thread.


DON'T DO IT!

You think she's "pissed" that you get well with weed now, just wait'll she sees you got your pot-smoking friends to gang-up on her

 

[verticalgrower]

buy her something really costly that should shut her up for a bit.

 

[ureapwhatusow]

i dont think any one has more personal testimony than I do regarding cannabis smoking and growing and the significant other, i mean its a fucking intense and very long perverse and ironic story

bottom line is that if it offers more benefit than negatives your have a case for having it as a part of your life and that should be understandable to her

However many times, and im part of the club, its easier to get closer to your plants than your significant other. Plants are less of a challenge.

putting your need to have plants in your life AHEAD of your partner is fucked

listen im not judging and im very human myself, and i haven't always had it in me to be there for other people but if you can't find a way to strike the balance between your love for pot and your life partner you need to consider flying solo

i don't think relationships should be lifestyle dependent, but lifestyle compatible

 

[bombadil.360]

ask her to smoke a nice hybrid with you, listen to some nice tunes, relax and then have a nice meal together. just so she can see for herself what it is all about.

show her that she won't be addicted after trying it, and that she is welcome to join you whenever she feels like it, or not join you as well, it is all good.

peace and good luck

 

[RudolfTheRed]

you should have never married her.

i was with a women that opposed my smoking.

i promptly saw a miserable future for myself and said get lost.

 

[teemu shalanie]

olum -your ol'lady seems 2 be running your show,sounds more like yur trying to convince a doc to sign your med. papers,no offence but if u r a pro. bullshiter like u say get your hands around this thing,hopefully shes not a total weed hater, u could get cut off 100%.
let me know how she goes! good luck.

 

[Olum]

I think there is some confusion here. I have been smoking for awhile, and my wife knows this. I continue despite the fact that she doesn't like it. She is not so upset about it that she is willing to consider leaving and she doesn't bother me enough about it for me to consider leaving her. If I so desired we could probably go through another 60 years as is. It is a point of contention between us though, and I merely wish to educate her on the subject of cannabis of which she is ignorant. I have NO desire to leave her, we generally have a very good relationship. I don't like lying to her and try to avoid whenever possible, even if she gets angry about it. I'm the kind of guy that will tell her that the dress doesn't make her look fat, her fat makes her look fat. Then she'll tell me to go fuck myself, I'll tickle her, and next thing you know we're make'n babies. I am not a medical user and I don't live in an MMJ state or plan to in the near future. In fact, due to my job and present Bumfuck, Egypt location I haven't smoked in approximately a year. I value my relationship with my wife more than anything else I can think of, including cannabis. Every relationship has some sticking points, that is unavoidable. I just want to bring my wife into the 21st century with the rest of us and remove a topic of continued argument. There is no reason for extreme action in this scenario and assumptions of the worst are misplaced. My wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me and we have been through absolute hell together and come out stronger for it. This is nothing compared to truly huge issues we've had in the past, ie she gambled away my money, I choked her cat and through it out of window, she hurled sharp heavy objects at my best friend, I lost money on foolish investments, etc. Shit happens, people don't always agree and my wife and I are of the most resilient variety. I don't walk away from problems and I don't back down from fights that are worth fighting. Anyone who doesn't understand these concepts is merely assuming that we are like them with the same thoughts, feelings and values and therefore the same solutions should work. Although any advice given with a genuinely helpful intent, no matter how misplaced, is graciously received, please understand that there is not a snow balls chance in Hell that we would separate over something like this, I assure you. There is no desire for such a thing on either side and thoughts to the contrary are blowing the situation out of proportion.

Many thanks for all of the links and advice. I sent everything I got here to her in email (we're currently geographically separated due to business-related travel) and she previously agreed to read it, in fact SHE ASKED ME TO SEND HER ARTICLES I will let you know how this turns out and I appreciate the support. Obviously I don't have many people that I can come to with a problem like this, and your feedback has been most helpful.

 

[Olum]

I just got off the phone (Skype is the shit) with my wife. We talked briefly about this situation, and she is more calm about it than I have ever seen her. She hasn't had an opportunity to go over the articles yet (if you follow those links you'll see there are hundreds of articles), but she is far more concerned about some internet issues she's having and our impending reunion (approx 6 more weeks). I'm intrigued to see her reaction when she gets a chance to go over some of the articles. I'm not expecting an instantaneous, overnight conversion, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this could lead to more discussion and opportunities for education.

Like Steve Urkel used to say, "I'm wearing you down, baby! I'm wearing you dooooooown."

 

[Dreamz_Of_Green]

olum -your ol'lady seems 2 be running your show,sounds more like yur trying to convince a doc to sign your med. papers,no offence but if u r a pro. bullshiter like u say get your hands around this thing,hopefully shes not a total weed hater, u could get cut off 100%.
let me know how she goes! good luck.

find those nasty lil habits she has and u dont like then ride her ass bout them like she does u over herb

 

[VerdantGreen]

what is it that she doesnt like about it - is it the whole idea of it or does she not like you when you are stoned?

is there anything she does that you could compare it to? does she like a glass of wine?

could you presuade her that it helps you be creative? - does she like any music that was made by stoners (which is most of it).

i applaud you for your attitude about this and trying to communicate and make her understand. threads like this will always give some posters the opportunity to give it the large one and talk about putting women in their place etc but personally thats not the type of woman i would want anyway....someone i could control and tell what to do.

VG