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Advice

HempKat

Just A Simple Old Dirt Farmer
Veteran
I'm curious if I can share my venmo locally to see if I can get help with food and stuff. Chit bleak until Thursday payday.

I'm not familiar with venmo so I can't speak to that. I can however provide you with a website resource that can help with all sorts of benefits that you might qualify for. Its called benefitscheckup.org. Now it is more targeted for seniors but it can help anyone that meets the qualifications of the programs it promotes. It's basically a free service available to all 50 states. You start by entering your zip code and answering some basic questions that you would have to answer anyway if you went around and applied for this help directly. The more questions you can answer and answer accurately the more programs it will find for you. I would say that it probably more favors food programs but it can also provide links to cash assistance, rental assistance, prescription assistance (although not medical marijuana) education assistance, energy assistance, etc. What it will find depends on what is offered in your area and what you qualify for based on the questions you answered. It then returns a list of various programs and services in your zip code that you should qualify for, complete with links for either online applications if available or if not then addresses for where to apply in person. It will also tell you about local food banks, soup kitchens and Food Pantries. Which many tend to avoid because they're for the poorest of the poor and you don't always get the best or freshest foods there but it's a hell of a lot better then going hungry
 

St. Phatty

Active member
1. Get your Undergraduate Degree, starting with 22-01 at MIT, the Intro to Nuclear Science class.

2. Accept a job with a start-up that will provide a financial stake enough to support your life through the age of 30.

3. Go to Med School, become some kind of surgeon. Brain surgeon, Orthopedic surgeon, something.

Oh yeah, and Exercise Regularly.
 

h.h.

Active member
Veteran
Online whore myself out? Bondage and humiliation paying good is it?

You’re here to panhandle. If you can afford an $800 dog bed you can afford to get your shit together. Probably more to that “ f…… B….” Story. Sounds like a bad attitude. Lack of self responsibility.
The churches will give you food. I said nothing about whoring yourself out. You’re here to spam.
 

St. Phatty

Active member
A little bit of Psyllium seed can be a good thing.

Eating a Pound of Psyllium seed ... well, how about make a video of the aftermath.

Then invert the colors on the video so it's not too disgusting.

/\ Sort of like 'advice'. :groupwave:
 

Petrochemical

Active member
You’re here to panhandle. If you can afford an $800 dog bed you can afford to get your shit together. Probably more to that “ f…… B….” Story. Sounds like a bad attitude. Lack of self responsibility.
The churches will give you food. I said nothing about whoring yourself out. You’re here to spam.

Ktjfhdhd
 
Last edited:

buzzmobile

Well-known member
Veteran
Maybe it was another Zappa song?



Lyrics


Sy Borg
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me the chromium leg,
I beg
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me the chromium leg,
Little wires, pliers, tires
They turn me on
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy, mon . . .
Gee, Sy
This is a real groovy apartment
You've got here

All government sponsored recreational services are clean and efficient

This is exciting
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated machine
That looks like a magical pig
With marital aids stuck all over it
Such as yourself before

You'll love it!
It's a way of life.
Joe:
Does that mean maybe later
You'll plook me . . .

If you wish, we may have a groovy orgy

Just me and you?

I share this apartment
With a modified
Gay Bob doll
He goes all the way . . .
Ever try oral sex with a miniature rubberized homo-replica?

No, ah, not yet
Ah, is this him?

This is him.
Your wish is his command
He likes you
He wants to kiss you always
Just tell him what you want

Really?
Hi, little guy
Think I might get a tiny, but exciting
Blow . . . job . . .
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Blow job . . .
Gimme dat, give me de chromium cob.

Bend over.

Gay Bob
Blow job
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me de chromium cob

You'll love it!
It looks just like a TeleFunken you-47.

Little leather cap and trousers
They look so gay . . .
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Hey . . .

Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! That tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss you always.

Gee, this is great
How's about some bondage and humiliation?

Anything you say, master.

Oh no, I don't believe it
You're way more fun than Mary . . .

You're plooking too hard . . .

And cleaner than Lucille . . .

Plooking on me . . .

What have I been missing
All these years?

Too hard

Sy . . .

Too hard

Sy . . .

Plooking too hard on me-e-e-e-e . . .
Speak to me
Oh no . . .
The golden shower must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have plooked him . . .
Hey
To death . . .
Hey

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . .
You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker
And you're gonna have to pay for it!
So give up, you haven't got a chance.

But I . . .
I, I, I, I, I . . .
I can't pay
I gave all my money
To some kinda groovy religious guy . . .
Two songs ago . . .

Come on out son . . .
Between the two of us
We'll find a way to
Work it out
 

sneezydog

Well-known member
Good luck brotha keep smiling and making local friends someone will need help with their land if you look... probably an old timer.who cant trust his neighbors who needs help with the yard, etc, trade for stay. i would put a local craigslist up as old people use craigslist and not fbook. I would put up a pic of myself, or not, and say i have references and am happy to work for stay. around 12 to 20 hrs a week depending on arrangements. someone local might respond.
Again, Good Luck and keep smiling.
Much Aloha
 

HempKat

Just A Simple Old Dirt Farmer
Veteran
Well dang, looks like I missed all the juicy stuff before Petrochemical thought better of it and edited it into gibberish. Story of my life, day late and a dollar short.
 

HempKat

Just A Simple Old Dirt Farmer
Veteran
Maybe it was another Zappa song?



Lyrics


Sy Borg
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me the chromium leg,
I beg
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me the chromium leg,
Little wires, pliers, tires
They turn me on
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy, mon . . .
Gee, Sy
This is a real groovy apartment
You've got here

All government sponsored recreational services are clean and efficient

This is exciting
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated machine
That looks like a magical pig
With marital aids stuck all over it
Such as yourself before

You'll love it!
It's a way of life.
Joe:
Does that mean maybe later
You'll plook me . . .

If you wish, we may have a groovy orgy

Just me and you?

I share this apartment
With a modified
Gay Bob doll
He goes all the way . . .
Ever try oral sex with a miniature rubberized homo-replica?

No, ah, not yet
Ah, is this him?

This is him.
Your wish is his command
He likes you
He wants to kiss you always
Just tell him what you want

Really?
Hi, little guy
Think I might get a tiny, but exciting
Blow . . . job . . .
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Blow job . . .
Gimme dat, give me de chromium cob.

Bend over.

Gay Bob
Blow job
Gimme dat, gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me de chromium cob

You'll love it!
It looks just like a TeleFunken you-47.

Little leather cap and trousers
They look so gay . . .
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Hey . . .

Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! That tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss you always.

Gee, this is great
How's about some bondage and humiliation?

Anything you say, master.

Oh no, I don't believe it
You're way more fun than Mary . . .

You're plooking too hard . . .

And cleaner than Lucille . . .

Plooking on me . . .

What have I been missing
All these years?

Too hard

Sy . . .

Too hard

Sy . . .

Plooking too hard on me-e-e-e-e . . .
Speak to me
Oh no . . .
The golden shower must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have plooked him . . .
Hey
To death . . .
Hey

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . .
You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker
And you're gonna have to pay for it!
So give up, you haven't got a chance.

But I . . .
I, I, I, I, I . . .
I can't pay
I gave all my money
To some kinda groovy religious guy . . .
Two songs ago . . .

Come on out son . . .
Between the two of us
We'll find a way to
Work it out


I like the one from scene II Act 10 called Stick it out



Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen heifien gelockten.
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen' heinen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen heiften gelockten schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!

Stunned by joe's command of its native tongue, a gleaming model
Xqj-37 nuclear powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker named sy borg
(previously thought to be the son of the lady who called the Police on cut
Two, side I), spindles over to joe and says..

Pick me... I'm clean...
I am also programmed for conversational English.

This stuns joe, who stands there speechless for a moment. Smitten by
Joe's animal magnetism, sy continues...
May I have this dance?
And joe, looking sharp in his housewife costume with the napkin on
His head and the yellow chiffon apron, responds boldly by repeating the

Entreaty originally delivered in Deutsch in its conversational English form,
So that his intentions regarding the Appliance will be made perfectly clear...

I've got a better idea...
Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
You ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
Stick it out
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Weenie... Weenie, weenie, weenie!
Make it go fast
In and out,
Magical Pig
Make it go fast
In and out,
Magical Pig
Till it squirts, squirts, squirts, squirts
Fire
Till it squirts, squirts, squirts, squirts
Fire
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa

Whereupon, in order to prove to joe that he is no ordinary Appliance,
Sy quotes a few lines of traditional American Love Poetry...

What s a girl like you
Doing in a place like this?
Do you come here often?
Wail a minute...
I ve got it...
You're an Italian...
What?
You're Jewish?
Lore your nails..
Yon must be a Libra....
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine.
See the chrome
Feel the chrome
Touch the chrome
Heal the chrome
See the screaming
Hot black steaming
Iridescent naugahyde python screaming
Steam Roller!

Central scrutinizer:
This is the central scrutinizer. Joe and his date are going back
To the apartment to have a little party...
 

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