Bare with me. I promise this won't be an endless cycle of whiny ridiculousness. I just need to ask you guys something because honestly I have no one else I can confidently turn to about this...
I have a girlfriend. We were (are?) in love. This is the first person I feel I could really be with. I'm have not good with personal relationships and am a bit of a misanthrope. She is also a bit of a misanthrope. We are both a bit afraid of being alone and are reaching the baby-making/marraige age.
I have a budding career but put that aside to stay with her "in town" near a University where she works. I've got a job here for next year making good salary, and generally like the area, though staying here is professionally limiting. However, I'm staying for her, and felt it was the best decision to make.
Recently she's had a really tough go at work - she got a bad review and has not been taking it well. I've been extremely nice to her - doing all of the cooking, cleaning, shoulder to cry on. And frankly she's been not nice to me. She yells at me if I interrupt her while working (even if it's something small). She is easily set off if something doesn't go her way.
Last night she pestered me repeatedly about not wanting tomatoes in the dinner and kept calling me a "sissy". I tried to make light of it but she kept calling me a "sissy" and mocking me. I was being nothing but sweet before but then she came out of left field with it. When someone calls me a "sissy" it hurts because I was bullied relentlessly as a child and they used to call me then. I've since grown up but it still hurts (the Yummy inside me). I asked her to stop but she kept doing it.
When I couldn't stand it anymore I called her a sissy for moaning about all of the difficulties she's been having professionally as of late. She basically became defeated after a bad review and just said "fuck it, I'm not good enough to do this". It upset me more because her setback was minor and I'm basically staying here for her career and I felt she was just giving up.
Anyway, she was really upset at me. I apologized for saying it and explained why I did it (felt pestered).I then told her about my childhood and she laughed at the fact that I was bringing it up. She refused to accept she was being hurtful and won't apologize, but continues to tell me how much I hurt her. Earlier today she brought it up on chat, then promptly signed off while I was mid-sentence.
I'm beginning to think that we're not a good match. Every time I do something wrong I apologize and we make up. Every time she does something like this it's never her fault, and she refuses to accept she did anything wrong. I don't want to be with someone who is mean or abusive or inconsiderate, and I think she can sometimes be those things.
Now, for the big questions: how much of this back and forth hurtfulness is common in long-term relationships? Is it acceptable? Do you feel you're better off alone in a situation like this? Am I just being a big sissy or do you think I have some merit in being upset here?
I have a girlfriend. We were (are?) in love. This is the first person I feel I could really be with. I'm have not good with personal relationships and am a bit of a misanthrope. She is also a bit of a misanthrope. We are both a bit afraid of being alone and are reaching the baby-making/marraige age.
I have a budding career but put that aside to stay with her "in town" near a University where she works. I've got a job here for next year making good salary, and generally like the area, though staying here is professionally limiting. However, I'm staying for her, and felt it was the best decision to make.
Recently she's had a really tough go at work - she got a bad review and has not been taking it well. I've been extremely nice to her - doing all of the cooking, cleaning, shoulder to cry on. And frankly she's been not nice to me. She yells at me if I interrupt her while working (even if it's something small). She is easily set off if something doesn't go her way.
Last night she pestered me repeatedly about not wanting tomatoes in the dinner and kept calling me a "sissy". I tried to make light of it but she kept calling me a "sissy" and mocking me. I was being nothing but sweet before but then she came out of left field with it. When someone calls me a "sissy" it hurts because I was bullied relentlessly as a child and they used to call me then. I've since grown up but it still hurts (the Yummy inside me). I asked her to stop but she kept doing it.
When I couldn't stand it anymore I called her a sissy for moaning about all of the difficulties she's been having professionally as of late. She basically became defeated after a bad review and just said "fuck it, I'm not good enough to do this". It upset me more because her setback was minor and I'm basically staying here for her career and I felt she was just giving up.
Anyway, she was really upset at me. I apologized for saying it and explained why I did it (felt pestered).I then told her about my childhood and she laughed at the fact that I was bringing it up. She refused to accept she was being hurtful and won't apologize, but continues to tell me how much I hurt her. Earlier today she brought it up on chat, then promptly signed off while I was mid-sentence.
I'm beginning to think that we're not a good match. Every time I do something wrong I apologize and we make up. Every time she does something like this it's never her fault, and she refuses to accept she did anything wrong. I don't want to be with someone who is mean or abusive or inconsiderate, and I think she can sometimes be those things.
Now, for the big questions: how much of this back and forth hurtfulness is common in long-term relationships? Is it acceptable? Do you feel you're better off alone in a situation like this? Am I just being a big sissy or do you think I have some merit in being upset here?
Maybe its due to her poor attitude at work and the all about ME thing.. Who knows.. But i see this as a one sided relationship atm..
