lookin for a mentor with bipolar

The denial of the payload of mental illness, i.e. the pain, anxiety or other experienced emotional discord is less that the discord from a physical wound.

My mind has created more anguish for me than any physical pain I suffered much of which I was given pain killers and cannabis is considered reasonable for treatment.

But mental illness does not get treated the same even though the same organ creates the pain we experiences. Why? because since has yet to observe completely it on a cellular level. And this ignorance is perpetuated by the differences between psychological and psychiatric perspectives.

Much like they didn't see most soil microbiology 100 years ago and soil biology was a xfactor that people like the Amish exploited through simple gross environmental observations. Funny how that works right?

yes, weird I understand that you refuse to try to understand my perspective. The thing is the perspective you are coming from is a kind of admixture. The issue is hermdog doesn't really need a mentor per se. He needs to talk out what is bothering him with someone that can help him trace it back to its original truamas so he can recognize his egos coping strategies that resulted from the trauma.

The issue here is if he accepts you as the master you present yourself to be then what that really does is validate the self you imagine yourself as that has triumphed over your own traumas by pushing them away and convincing yourself that experiencing that pain is just irrational.

The relationship of mentor and mentored is at its core a narcissistic one. The mentored sees in the mentor the projected parts of themselves they feel they lack. While the mentor accepting that projection allows the mentor to see themselves as the authority over whatever vulnerability the mentored has revealed to them. The mentor in essence is relating to their own vulnerability through interacting with the person they are mentoring.

You see when someone is reaching out it comes to me to be an ethical concern. If one relates to their pain through an idea of self mastery they will need the mentoree to see them as one who has mastered their pain, to see themselves as the master they imagine themselves to be. What that does is redirect the person reaching out for helps, essentially life force into validating the mentors narcissistic self image.

For that reason I have been recommending, hermdog, that you seek out not a mentor per se but the type of relationship where you can talk this out with someone who can assist you to find your own voice.

It is really pretty much only within the psychodynamically trained therapists, such as psychoanalysts that they emphasize a non coercive method towards finding your own voice rather than taking the voice of a master as your own type thing that is advocated in other modalities.

Your perspective on how mental illness manifests itself differs.
I very well probably have illnesses caused by trauma, but the bipolar and schizophrenia I carry in my genes had a high probability of showing itself.
I've had multiple concussions from years of sports as well, I feel those have also contributed to poor decision making and more wild behavior than I would usually choose to display.
That though are my ideas again, I've not gotten to undergo scans and examination for concussion related damages.

Your parsing my choice of words hard, like I began the thread with, I just thought it would be cool to know a fellow grower that experiences similar mental illnesses as myself and 'shoot the shit'.
You know, touch base on not just coping but simple ideas on living more steadily.

What is it I'm not understanding that you do that helps you with these illnesses?
Other than what types of doctors I visit, in what way should I go about life everyday that is drastically different from catching my own abnormal behavior and correcting it on the spot.
You call your ideas finding your voice over coercing myself?

I think I laid out the emotions I'd like to harness better, I don't think I can find my singular voice, I have a broad range of opinions because of my ups and downs. The best I can be I feel is finding the parts of my thinking that lead to dangerous emotions and activities and use my own reason to take them down a notch.

My 'own' voice says F it way too often.
That was me not taking control and taking care of myself so I can think things through better.
We can all seek to make that voice in our head that makes us who we are a little bit more thoughtful.

Do you Croissant even experience the debilitating mania I live with?
Most people's bipolar is most troubling when they fall into a depression. I more or less fall into manic spells where I perceive time as much faster, my heart rate and pulse rest much higher. Basically as racing as person could be sober. I very much relate how it feels to what meth would be like for a neurotypical.

hermdog,

what actually constitutes things like "common sense," tend to be what is viewed as how things are suppoced to be according to the predominant ideology. The predominant ideology in the United States is Neoliberalism.

The greatest con ever has been to convince the slave they are a master. That is what neoliberalism offers which is a prerequisite for the sort of self managing techniques that are considered common sense. For example, I see you have reprimanded yourself multiple times for not behaving properly and not being in control enough after weird appeared and began to tell you how to better manage yourself like he has.

Weird began to insinuate I know nothing about these things. When I said I read the core foundational texts his ideological base is platformed off of. You started talking about how I am parroting PHD's. So, you demonstrated a dissatisfaction with parroting experts. When what I was trying to convey is I have read the experts weird is parroting.

The promise of that discourse is if you abide by its self managining techniques dictated to you by an expert you to will become a expert. Its goal is one of self mastery.

Its core premise is, lets say for example their is a huge pile of fresh shit a few feet from you and you are tied to a chair. Its logic is that it is only your perception of the shit that bothers you and it is up to you master your perception of the smell of the shit and that of being tied to a chair so it doesn't bother you. But just maybe if one is tied to a chair with a huge pile of fresh shit next to them being upset and finding their voice to articulate exactly what about this upsets them and how to change the situation so something like this never occurs in the first place is a better alternative.

this here video about a couple authors discussing how society has become obsessed with 'self manging' our selves in the name of 'wellness' is a syndrome. It is kind like the master handing the slave the whip and convincing them to whip themselves and to enjoy it. Where the atmosphere has become the crime is to not enjoy whipping ones self. Then to fit in one starts whipping themselves after someone else brags about how good they have become at whipping themselves.

The wellness syndrome
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymhmngXZ0mc

Too stoned on my own meds, do I have to go back to school to understand this perspective?
I wasn't using common sense in the events that lead to me needing medical attention over the last six months.
Dancing for hours and fucking women out of my mind until my heart beat becomes abnormal and floors me numb on the floor was my predominant ideology all summer.
Is that the sort of neoliberalism you're talking about?
When grow season is over that's my cue to party until the midwest gets cool again, I'm not sitting, sifting through cinema and whatever else making connections to my illnesses.
Excuse while I master my manic spells and just eat like the animal I've been behaving like.
That's all this thread was about, how do I not end up in the ER, oh, slow my thinking down and identify the patterns that lead to me becoming incapacitated, okay.
I've been trying my whole life, turns out when you're ill you have to try a little harder.

You edit your posts a lot, it's okay to rebut in a new one instead of confusing readers.
I have an unhealthy lifestyle I wasn't providing adequate nutrition for.
I had to whip myself with some common sense instead of what I usually like being whipped by.

The reason I'm here is to listen and observe so I can continue honing my growing skills.
I really just needed some reciprocation about this illness since I never get it.
This thread went off to somewhere I hadn't envisioned.
If a mod would like to lock the thread up I wouldn't mind it.

Hermdog, looking for a mentor? For some that cant be found. At 56 I had the highs and lows that goes with life. Booted out at 15, I had to fend for my self. I too would rage for weeks crash for days. Back then rocket fuel was rampid! cocaine didnot help, but it gave me a excuse fir my behavior. Being bipolar, doesnot mean you have to conform to any ones standards, you just have to stay in control. Youhave a family, that in it self should be comforting. I found to channel my anger, rage, into something i now love. My buisness! Sound shallow, but im in total control, and when i would work for 80-90 hrs a week , after 20 years i finnaly sleep! I am a Water Well Drilling contractor. I find that working hard everyday was like therapy. Now looking back, i dont know how i survived my 20-30's. Fueled with JD/Cocaine. But at 35, I was like, WTF? Quit drinking, alldrugs but smoke! I now find good Indica oil/shatter Is all I need!
Peace be with you brother!

you don't really need to even need to understand my perspective or become any kind of expert. My point is finding a space to be able to talk this out with someone that can listen to you in a particular way and assist you will give you the sort of relief you seek. That or you will be stuck in an endless cycle of self managing how you perceive yourself ie. narcissism to not think or feel the traumatic wound your ego is avoiding confronting because they ego would prefer to be ignorant of it.

The ego does not want to confront it. The ego wants someone to tell them they are a good boy and how to keep convincing themselves they are a good boy.

what ever fuck it. People don't want to look at themselves in a way they would have to actually make the changes that could make a difference. They want to just find a way to hedonistically mindlessly consume while convincing themselves they doing something good. They just want to pass the hot potato.

This marks the moment I have lost all hope in humanity.

Thanks Brot, those are the sort of personal stories that are helpful to me.
I'm just now finding I can channel all this energy to better myself, I don't have the fast, competitive sports I had through my teenage years that used to wear me out.
I've had my manic side not come on massively as an adult for years, at first I didn't understand it and just went with the flow which was ultimately destructive.

I try not mindless consume anything, friend.
If I'm not making changes that are going to ultimately help me do better and make change around me, I guess I'm lost.
Passing the hot potato would be me not controlling my manic behavior while others put up with me.

My caloric needs swing massively, from less than 2,000 per a day to maintain weight to about 3,000 when I'm manic.
This never crossed my mind as my manic days became weeks then became months.
I've been a vegetarian a number of years, it was easy to become accustomed to when my thinking and physical energy are lessened by depression.
During my hyper days I need three or four solid meals to keep my mind and body from misfiring.
My worst days all began with not eating properly.
...I could star in a snickers ad.
Except I'll pass on all that sugar and just be myself well hydrated and fed.

Feel well, think well. Somewhat "silly" phrase to me because it's should be so obvious but part of feeling well is being healthy, eating right, sleeping enough, exercising, etc, physical well-being contributes to emotional well-being.

Weird said:

The denial of the payload of mental illness, i.e. the pain, anxiety or other experienced emotional discord is less that the discord from a physical wound.

My mind has created more anguish for me than any physical pain I suffered much of which I was given pain killers and cannabis is considered reasonable for treatment.

But mental illness does not get treated the same even though the same organ creates the pain we experiences. Why? because since has yet to observe completely it on a cellular level. And this ignorance is perpetuated by the differences between psychological and psychiatric perspectives.

Much like they didn't see most soil microbiology 100 years ago and soil biology was a xfactor that people like the Amish exploited through simple gross environmental observations. Funny how that works right?

Click to expand...

Exactly. Broke my big toe once. I found that while broken, flexing it to produce REAL physical pain distracted me from my depression which was much harder to bare.

Croissant said:

what ever fuck it. People don't want to look at themselves in a way they would have to actually make the changes that could make a difference. They want to just find a way to hedonistically mindlessly consume while convincing themselves they doing something good. They just want to pass the hot potato.

Click to expand...

Sadly, your ego and your cognitive bias is forcing your hand at trying to sell everyone that the Illuminati have created psychiatry and the freethinker psychology.

Sadly, your condemning those who have physiological dysfunction to think and feel like those who don't.

And to think you went to school to learn this, my guess being to treat people. My guess is, based the frustration you are experiencing, you get too frustrated because you think that all problems can be simply thought past. My guess is that your life has been plagued by people who you feel could transform with simple psychological wherewithal. If only it where that simple.

You have no clue to the depth our "nurture" has on our physiology and your limiting mental illness to pure genetic inheritance is primitive, like cannabis breeders who deny the relativity of environment.

here is a little clue, evidences like this are being generated almost daily as technology gives scientists ways to measure physiology more accurately

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/305208.php

Childhood poverty linked to brain changes related to depression

Let me lay out a lil anecdotal logic for anyone who questions physiological mental illness

why the fuck would anyone, ever, feign dysfunction, for what overwhelming benefit would they do this for?

because dysfunction is worth the prices of potential sympathy?

maybe if your borderline personality disorder, every deal with someone with BPD?

lol

I received so little sympathy through my childhood, to my parents and teachers I was never the one in control. Either I was perceived as the anti-social, quiet one, or I was the class clown that got everybody to laugh.

Life is much less depressing to me as an adult but I still have the ups and downs that made me the problem in so many people's eyes. Nearing 30 I know everyday is a new chance to learn how to keep my center a little better.

I was a little gross in discussing events that led me to the ER.
The first incident was me hurriedly running down stairs during a manic high where I slipped at the top and landed near the bottom; doing damage to my ribs and shoulder.
My mania races so much a lot of bad ideas get overlooked.

I've known my manic racing has always either gotten me in trouble or physically injured, whether or not people understand what my type of manic depression is like or not, I still have to man up and control my illness instead of letting it control me.

Speaking on pain, It's a very real phenomenon to feel emotional pain manifest as physical.
I've always dealt with the odd aches and pains of depression, in a manic period for me, all feelings are a different ballgame.
Getting tattooed for hours actually feels calming, the endorphins produced slows my mania greatly.
I believe this to be responsible for the mentally ill that self harm.
I never understood friends that would do that, but pain + endorphins = reduced mania.

A glimpse into deep manic thoughts as opposed to deep stoned thoughts.
When my mind is really speeding sometimes I write it down, mostly it comes out in poem form.

Life as an earthling is but the life of a star
Only viewed through two eyes, a mind and a heart
Every moment a game of chance, but perhaps
The ego is envious of the stars
For they live long but cannot see far

If only we understood for if most every star went supernova
And half of humanity went into a coma
They’d have left to waste the slowest amongst the fauna
The PhDs in their saunas couldn’t fathom
Humanities march into the light with such fervor and such passion

We select that which enlightens as we do which frightens us
A near miss is only half of the wish
Because here the rules to survival are still the same
Who’s to blame when the sun goes black or loses it’s track
What if everything suddenly went static
And the black hole that consumed us
Rearranged and resumed us on the other side of the galactic map