Sorry to hear that happened. Damn, that was a tough situation. I'm happy your folks were determined to see for themselves. I'm sure they rest much easier knowing the truth.
In-laws
- Thread starter Lord Doobie
- Start date
Sorry to hear that happened. Damn, that was a tough situation. I'm happy your folks were determined to see for themselves. I'm sure they rest much easier knowing the truth.
E
el dub
I'm 48 and have been with my wife for 18 years. After reading extensively about your MIL and BIL, their habits as well as the pain they have caused you over the years, I can tell you that I would not allow that type of behavior in my house. Ever
And I believe that YOU are partially responsible for the situation you are currently in with the in-laws. Give and take with a spouse is one thing. The relationships you outline above have devolved into something else all together. Your in-laws fail to respect normal boundaries, you don't feel like you have the ability regulate this behavior, even in your own home and your wife thinks its the Amerikkan way. Sounds to me like you four are made for each other.
lw
And I believe that YOU are partially responsible for the situation you are currently in with the in-laws. Give and take with a spouse is one thing. The relationships you outline above have devolved into something else all together. Your in-laws fail to respect normal boundaries, you don't feel like you have the ability regulate this behavior, even in your own home and your wife thinks its the Amerikkan way. Sounds to me like you four are made for each other.
lw
Lord Doobie
Member
That's exactly what I'm asking...ideas on how to get rid of them. I've kicked the MIL out of my home countless times. I must admit that big, loud-mouthed New Yorkers are the most fun to kick out. They don't take it too well which is perfect.
My parents, of course, refused to meet the MIL after her stunt and dismissed her as a crank.
The MIL has a reputation of telling whoppers her whole life. She's currently got a small town all excited by telling them a bear tried to get in her house. Of course, she single-handedly scared the bear away. I think it's more of an attention-getting mechanism. Everybody listens intently when she repeats her story which is different every time.
She goes around telling people she wants to kick her ex in the teeth. Perhaps I should direct her to el dub...
My parents, of course, refused to meet the MIL after her stunt and dismissed her as a crank.
The MIL has a reputation of telling whoppers her whole life. She's currently got a small town all excited by telling them a bear tried to get in her house. Of course, she single-handedly scared the bear away. I think it's more of an attention-getting mechanism. Everybody listens intently when she repeats her story which is different every time.
She goes around telling people she wants to kick her ex in the teeth. Perhaps I should direct her to el dub...
Lord Doobie
Member
igrow4me, that was my wife and MIL wanting to buy the goofy BIL vacations every year. It happened for 3 years. Then, he came to expect it every year and started demanding airline tickets to timbuktu. I cut him off.
Believe it or not, the MIL & BIL are actually mad at me! They're just not getting their way.
Believe it or not, the MIL & BIL are actually mad at me! They're just not getting their way.
E
el dub
Sounds like your parents got her number after their first encounter with crazy-lady and just stayed away from her after that.
What can you do? Well, what does the wife think should be done? Sounds like she thinks its OK for her brother and mother to act inappropriately in your house including overstaying their welcome. Imo, that puts her in the same boat they are in. And your inability to take control of the bad situation when you obviously hold the moral high ground puts you right beside (behind?) them on that little boat, imo.
I can't tell you what you should do. But I can tell you what I'd do.....
I would have private conversations about her family with her, letting her officially know where you stand on the issue. Tell her you refuse to let those two take over your little one bedroom apartment for more than visits of hours or less. Let her know that its come to a point where she has to choose between you and her mother/brother, at least as far as who she is spending time with in her/your own home. If she continues to invite her mother and brother to your house after knowing how you feel about the matter, I'd leave. The first time I might just leave for the number of days the MIL sticks around your house. Upon returning, I'd tell the spouse that you'd would much rather live with her, but the next time the MIL came for an extended stay, you would be moving out. And that's what I'd do, bruddah.
lw
What can you do? Well, what does the wife think should be done? Sounds like she thinks its OK for her brother and mother to act inappropriately in your house including overstaying their welcome. Imo, that puts her in the same boat they are in. And your inability to take control of the bad situation when you obviously hold the moral high ground puts you right beside (behind?) them on that little boat, imo.
I can't tell you what you should do. But I can tell you what I'd do.....
I would have private conversations about her family with her, letting her officially know where you stand on the issue. Tell her you refuse to let those two take over your little one bedroom apartment for more than visits of hours or less. Let her know that its come to a point where she has to choose between you and her mother/brother, at least as far as who she is spending time with in her/your own home. If she continues to invite her mother and brother to your house after knowing how you feel about the matter, I'd leave. The first time I might just leave for the number of days the MIL sticks around your house. Upon returning, I'd tell the spouse that you'd would much rather live with her, but the next time the MIL came for an extended stay, you would be moving out. And that's what I'd do, bruddah.
lw
Talk to the wife first, tell her you can't take it anymore, and something needs to change.
Give her one month to try to stop it herself, and then take matters into your own hands.
I think that is fair to your wife by giving her the early heads up that you will be snapping on her family in one month if the shit doesn't stop.
Give her one month to try to stop it herself, and then take matters into your own hands.
I think that is fair to your wife by giving her the early heads up that you will be snapping on her family in one month if the shit doesn't stop.
Lord Doobie
Member
Although I appreciate all the posts, I was hoping for some clever ideas - Mission: Impossible stuff - where the subjects get gone without it being attributed to me. I guess I sometimes expect too much. Perhaps it's just not possible...
IMO, two of your best options. In a way it's up to your wife if she reasons differently than you regarding marriage vs (IMO) extended family.
If by chance you find yourself living ssdd, it's up to you to consider the alternatives. I hope it doesn't come to that. Maybe the best case scenario will be fewer visits and venting on IC occasionally.
Clinging mils is common. We usually hear about the mil being the heavy. But I've heard counselors suggest that married children recognize their spouse as the primary. That's why we get married, to move on to our own families. Those in-laws have to get a clue and hopefully your wife understands and accepts that.
IMO, it's more fundamental to know whether your wife understands and accepts than how you'll handle the in laws. (the in laws be the fun part.) j/k
totally impossible. Your only option is to communicate with your wife. If you can't do that...not much hope for y'alls future. Unless you're ok with being meek and being stepped on. Not trying to sound mean, but you have to let your wife know how bothered you are. If she loves and respects you, she'll ask her family to stay elsewhere. If she doesn't care about your feelings....well...
I had a sit down talk with my wife about 11 years ago over a very VERY similar situation. End result? Her mom & idiot brother were cut out of our life ENTIRELY. Ended up having to get a restraining order against the brother there at the end. Two years later her mother also ditched the idiot son and asked very nicely if she could visit, we see her about 4x a year now for fairly brief visits.
Marriage is a 2 way street but it doesn't mean you have to take side roads too.
Marriage is a 2 way street but it doesn't mean you have to take side roads too.
well said
E
el dub
lord doobie: Mission Impossible? You have been playing games with the MIL for too long, imo. And that really hasn't worked so well, so far.
Btw, the problem isn't with the MIL, imo. At least not as it relates to a being problem in your home. That problem lies between you and your wife.
lw
Btw, the problem isn't with the MIL, imo. At least not as it relates to a being problem in your home. That problem lies between you and your wife.
lw
E
el dub
After thinking about it a bit, you seem to be a bit passive/aggressive if you feel the need to play this "Mission Impossible style " and pass the blame to someone else, mon. What's up with that?
lw
lw
Lord Doobie
Member
I thought I made it clear by naming them fukstix in my first post that I'm way beyond any reasoning with these unreasonable people. I'm very busy with my HD media productions and these wet blankets are smothering my art. Everything has to stop for a week because these people stunt my creativity.
My wife and MIL are very close. I guess my wife doesn't care how I feel....nothing or nobody is going to get in their way.
I think they call it at wit's end...
My wife and MIL are very close. I guess my wife doesn't care how I feel....nothing or nobody is going to get in their way.
I think they call it at wit's end...
Couldn't remember the specifics, just the same ol' cast of characters it seems.
Best of luck with it, LD.
E
el dub
Well then, it sounds like your wife prolly has more than her fair share of her mother in her. My guess is it will only get worse between you and your wife as time goes by. I'd be thankful that there are no kids involved while explaining to your wife how and why it has come down to her choosing between you and the fukstix2.
Have you considered marriage therapy?
lw
Have you considered marriage therapy?
lw
Panama Red
Active member
Make her next stay as unpleasant as possible.
A week before she arrives switch to a strict diet of canned chili and cheap beer.
Make sure to give her morning coffee a good squirt of Visine (nearly instantaneous case of the trots).
Or just get yourself a set of these.......
A week before she arrives switch to a strict diet of canned chili and cheap beer.
Make sure to give her morning coffee a good squirt of Visine (nearly instantaneous case of the trots).
Or just get yourself a set of these.......
Lord Doobie
Member
ha ha
The MIL is coming...in a few hours...
Reading back, I really like some of the perspectives you've all thrown out there in this vent.
I'm seriously considering counseling or at least mentioning it to the wife
I love her very much but this all seems to be a one-way street...me be damned
It has always been a problem ever since the very first day I met the MIL
The MIL is coming...in a few hours...
Reading back, I really like some of the perspectives you've all thrown out there in this vent.
I'm seriously considering counseling or at least mentioning it to the wife
I love her very much but this all seems to be a one-way street...me be damned
It has always been a problem ever since the very first day I met the MIL
I know bed bugs would run her out but...
