I was gonna read through the whole thread, but this summed it up best from the start. RUN!
Married & Divorced Members: Knowing She's the right one?
- Thread starter GrassRoots
- Start date
I was gonna read through the whole thread, but this summed it up best from the start. RUN!
Don't let all the cynics cloud your judgment.
Marriage is a natural progression of the cycle of life.
As has been said, if at the end of the day she makes your life better, then go for it.
Best of Luck
Marriage is a natural progression of the cycle of life.
As has been said, if at the end of the day she makes your life better, then go for it.
Best of Luck
I'm currently dysphoric so this reply will be erratic.
Women can be very spiteful. They may not show it but if you do anything to hurt them (emotionally) they'll ruin your life. Restraining orders, calling the cops on you, etc. Once they're in a rage they act out of pure impulse. It's scary.
When I was younger people would tell me about crazy shit their wives did, or I would look at stuff my mom did, but I didn't think I would end up in the same situation but lo and behold.
The physical attraction dies after marriage. It's not that married people don't have sex, but that the sex is so bland that we just don't want any. There are countless things I'd rather be doing than fucking my wife.
But the most important advice I can give is this. It's extremely important that YOU and HER are very healthy mentally before getting married. Depression, anxiety, etc will put a major strain on your marriage and it's NOT FAIR if one of you doesn't know the other suffers from mental illnesses like this (if that's the case.)
It really isn't fair to you or her if you guys keep things like that from each other. I say this because these things don't usually come up when you're dating but present a huge obstacle when you're married and see each other 24/7.
Everything I said is from personal experience. I like being married but when you're depressed you just can't help but feel that the marriage is the cause, even if you know intellectually this is not the case.
edit: just read that you've lived together for 8 years. You guys are practically married.. jeez.
Women can be very spiteful. They may not show it but if you do anything to hurt them (emotionally) they'll ruin your life. Restraining orders, calling the cops on you, etc. Once they're in a rage they act out of pure impulse. It's scary.
When I was younger people would tell me about crazy shit their wives did, or I would look at stuff my mom did, but I didn't think I would end up in the same situation but lo and behold.
The physical attraction dies after marriage. It's not that married people don't have sex, but that the sex is so bland that we just don't want any. There are countless things I'd rather be doing than fucking my wife.
But the most important advice I can give is this. It's extremely important that YOU and HER are very healthy mentally before getting married. Depression, anxiety, etc will put a major strain on your marriage and it's NOT FAIR if one of you doesn't know the other suffers from mental illnesses like this (if that's the case.)
It really isn't fair to you or her if you guys keep things like that from each other. I say this because these things don't usually come up when you're dating but present a huge obstacle when you're married and see each other 24/7.
Everything I said is from personal experience. I like being married but when you're depressed you just can't help but feel that the marriage is the cause, even if you know intellectually this is not the case.
edit: just read that you've lived together for 8 years. You guys are practically married.. jeez.
diamondmine
Member
If you can say your sorry even though she's DEAD WRONG, you'll stay married. Vice-versa too!
O
onehitjake
If I ever get married again, I expect several "get well soon" cards to arrive in the post.
Men and Women both should be able to do what they want, when they want to.
Men and Women both should be able to do what they want, when they want to.
Well it's Sunday and the sun is setting here in California.
WTF happened, dude?!?
I'm sure it went well but you can't leave us all hanging on a thread about marriage, let us know when you're gonna propose and then short us on the details.
That's like a grow thread that shuts down in week 7, right before harvest!
I know you're beyond the pale of consideration at this point but at least you're cognizant of the fact that the marriage is more for her well-being than your own. Hopefully that will help you sleep better at night if you ever need to walk away from the situation.
I'm in my own situation up to my eyeballs and am beginning to understand what they meant by "for better and for WORSE"! But I'm a stubborn mule and intend to hang in for the long fight. And once the sex is boring you better start to enjoy the fight, 'cuz that may be all the action you get unless you're getting some on the side.
WTF happened, dude?!?
I'm sure it went well but you can't leave us all hanging on a thread about marriage, let us know when you're gonna propose and then short us on the details.
That's like a grow thread that shuts down in week 7, right before harvest!
I know you're beyond the pale of consideration at this point but at least you're cognizant of the fact that the marriage is more for her well-being than your own. Hopefully that will help you sleep better at night if you ever need to walk away from the situation.
I'm in my own situation up to my eyeballs and am beginning to understand what they meant by "for better and for WORSE"! But I'm a stubborn mule and intend to hang in for the long fight. And once the sex is boring you better start to enjoy the fight, 'cuz that may be all the action you get unless you're getting some on the side.
Well given that neither of you want kids maybe marriage isn't the answer for you two? Along with how difficult and expensive it'll be to split up if you change your mind there are other factors to consider. Like for example in favor of marriage is the law that prevents the courts from forcing a spouse to testify against their spouse. Against marriage are things like what they call the marriage penalty where certain program qualifications or certain tax breaks are more favorable for two individuals rather then a married couple.
More in line with your original question though would be that there is no sure fire sign that tells you this is the one. It's going to be different for everyone. It'll include things like compatibility, do you enjoy the things you do together because you both enjoy that thing or enjoy anything as long as it's you're together or do you just act like you're okay with it to please the other? Another thing it will include is respect. One way to get a feel for how much respect is there is when you are mad at one another and fighting, during those times do either of you start belittling, insulting or making fun of one another? If so then there's a good chance you don't respect one another. Me and my wife have been married for a dozen years now and we've had our share of fights never once have we resorted to cursing each other out or saying anything rude or mean or intentionally hurtful to one another.
There's also signs like how you feel when you're apart. Do you spend the time wishing the other was there to experience what you're experiencing or are you dreading when you'll be back together because you'll have less freedom? Another way to test the idea of marriage is to go thru the typical marriage vows and ask yourself if you would legitimately honor and uphold those vows. In sickness and in health (would you be able to deal with it if your spouse had a diabling illness or became disfigured or scarred somehow). For richer or poorer (is either of you enjoying a better quality of life by being with the other and if so would your feelings for the person change if suddenly you had nothing)? If you go thru the marriage vows and can think of situations where you would be reluctant to keep the vows then marriage is probably not a good choice.
1. marriage is work plain and simple. yeah you'll have time to enjoy it but for the most part its work, cause the honeymoon will end one day
2. if you have kids or are going to have kids, its more work besides the work you already have of dealing with each other, just remember that at some point the honeymoon will end.
3. when you fight, and you will fight, learn to fight and then LET IT GOOOOOO!!!! dont harbor any feelings afterward. if you fight at 1pm and its over at 1:30pm then thats the end of it. be the first to step to her, and give her the hug and kiss. men arent as temperamental as women, so we need to be the ones to step up with the first "im sorry". its not about whos right or wrong, or whos the bigger person, its more along the lines of " whos it easier on to do" and 9 time s outta 10 its easier on us. (dont go to sleep angry at each other, or i'll be more honest and say "TRY" not to go to sleep angry at each other)
4. COUPLE COUNSELING/ PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING!!!!! either up until the day of the marriage or until you need it. talk about how you both resolve conficts, likes dislikes, get it all out!! be honest, DO NOT hold that shit in.
5. god forbid it comes to this, but never NEVER "stay for the kids", all they do is suffer during you guys trying to "figure this thing out" so its not worth it. just sit down with them, have the talk and let them know its not their fault. (must be something new, cause when my parents got divorced i coulda cared less, was too young at the time)
6. get away together!!! always have/make those moments for yourselves. your marriage wont be stagnant if you dont let it be. get out, do shit, grow together, try not to have a separate life excluding your wife and vice versa.
7. remember #1
2. if you have kids or are going to have kids, its more work besides the work you already have of dealing with each other, just remember that at some point the honeymoon will end.
3. when you fight, and you will fight, learn to fight and then LET IT GOOOOOO!!!! dont harbor any feelings afterward. if you fight at 1pm and its over at 1:30pm then thats the end of it. be the first to step to her, and give her the hug and kiss. men arent as temperamental as women, so we need to be the ones to step up with the first "im sorry". its not about whos right or wrong, or whos the bigger person, its more along the lines of " whos it easier on to do" and 9 time s outta 10 its easier on us. (dont go to sleep angry at each other, or i'll be more honest and say "TRY" not to go to sleep angry at each other)
4. COUPLE COUNSELING/ PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING!!!!! either up until the day of the marriage or until you need it. talk about how you both resolve conficts, likes dislikes, get it all out!! be honest, DO NOT hold that shit in.
5. god forbid it comes to this, but never NEVER "stay for the kids", all they do is suffer during you guys trying to "figure this thing out" so its not worth it. just sit down with them, have the talk and let them know its not their fault. (must be something new, cause when my parents got divorced i coulda cared less, was too young at the time)
6. get away together!!! always have/make those moments for yourselves. your marriage wont be stagnant if you dont let it be. get out, do shit, grow together, try not to have a separate life excluding your wife and vice versa.
7. remember #1
GrassRoots
Active member
So I took her to one of our favorite state parks. We hiked around a bit and then went back to the car so I could take her to the less populated far end of the park (got the advice from a Ranger a couple days ahead of time). We hiked down into this beautiful canyon. It was very surreal feeling, light shining into the trees above from the sun, canyon walls 100 or so feet tall on either side of us. We decided to picnic there, we had bought all these odd cheeses and mini toasts to put them on, some pasta salad and broccoli salad, some paninis (sp?) and some wine. We threw down a blanket and tied up the dog and enjoyed a delicious lunch. Nobody came into the canyon the whole time we were eating and relaxing.
After lunch she got up to stretch, I did too, but then I went down on a knee, said some really nice and personal things to her about how happy I was in life and our relationship and how wonderful she was, I could tell she still didn't see it coming (awesome, just what I wanted). Then I reached into my pocket, pulled out the ring box, opened it, and asked her to marry me!
She was shocked. "Are you kidding me?" "Am I being punked?" "Of course I'll marry you!" It was great. We hugged and kissed. Talked about the week I had of planning, asking permission from her parents, getting shit from her for not doing stuff around the house and having to lie to her and just say I was being lazy, playing video games, when I was really preparing for the weekend with her. She called her parents and we hung out for a bit and talked more.
Talk about good timing... 20 to 30 minutes after I asked her, the dog starts growling at something. Look up the way and there is a couple of families coming our way with like 8-10 kids. The dog is barking, the kids are running all around the canyon screaming. It would've killed the moment for sure. We laughed about it, packed up our stuff, and headed back to the car. What a day!
Thanks for letting me share with you guys.
After lunch she got up to stretch, I did too, but then I went down on a knee, said some really nice and personal things to her about how happy I was in life and our relationship and how wonderful she was, I could tell she still didn't see it coming (awesome, just what I wanted). Then I reached into my pocket, pulled out the ring box, opened it, and asked her to marry me!
She was shocked. "Are you kidding me?" "Am I being punked?" "Of course I'll marry you!" It was great. We hugged and kissed. Talked about the week I had of planning, asking permission from her parents, getting shit from her for not doing stuff around the house and having to lie to her and just say I was being lazy, playing video games, when I was really preparing for the weekend with her. She called her parents and we hung out for a bit and talked more.
Talk about good timing... 20 to 30 minutes after I asked her, the dog starts growling at something. Look up the way and there is a couple of families coming our way with like 8-10 kids. The dog is barking, the kids are running all around the canyon screaming. It would've killed the moment for sure. We laughed about it, packed up our stuff, and headed back to the car. What a day!
Thanks for letting me share with you guys.
i think women are like cars keep em a few years then get a new model. friends with benefits is the way to go
I don't want to offend anyone, but I just don't believe in legal marriage. It's unnatural to me. I feel just as married as the next person, but I don't have the law in my house or relationship. I've been with PTB 9 years and if I had married him, we wouldn't have lasted 2. There is pressure that a marriage puts on a relationship...I just think that it does change things. You sure as HELL have to go through the burner to end a marriage, but you don't when you separate. PTB and I split once a few years back....no marriage to dissolve allowed us to remain friends through the break. If we had had to hire attorneys, it would have gotten nasty to some degree, I just know it......that's the system of divorce. We were able to split very cleanly without having that license in the way.
Just my personal opinion about marriage. To me it's all in the heart, not on paper. Legal marriage, to me....is also a form of legal control. I just don't like the words "Legal Marriage"...at all. Am I the only lady that's completely against getting married???
Just my personal opinion about marriage. To me it's all in the heart, not on paper. Legal marriage, to me....is also a form of legal control. I just don't like the words "Legal Marriage"...at all. Am I the only lady that's completely against getting married???
Before I married my x-wife, I wished I had seen the "Red Flag" that my wife would have a problem with me having an affair with my 30 year old secretary, among a few other women.
After all, we had been married for 12 years before I started screwing around on her with other women. I really thought my X understood me bettter than she really did... Man did she have me fooled.
Folks, I have been married for over 16 years, and I can tell you one
thing and one thing only. Whatever you do, don't move in and live
together. It is not the marriage, it is the day to day BS, and getting
used to the person that is the root of the problem.
...getting used to as in getting bored of seeing their face...lol
The "falling in love" part is a sexually motivated feelings that tricks
us guys (and probably the women too...lol) into marriage so that
we can multiply and create new people...period.
It ALWAYS passes, ALWAYS! You can start to love your mate
after the "falling in love" part fades away and becomes like the
dust in the wind, but so far the odds are against everyone.
...this is what the divorce rates show at least...lol
Sign a pre-numpt, if you have the cash, and structure your life
where you live in separate homes, even if you have children.
...and the better thing to do is to simply live in separate places,
and never get married in the first place, and even better than that
is to simply have women that you only date, and as soon as you
don't want to bang them anymore, just say...NEXT
jj.thecarnivore
New member
yeeeeeeeeeeee! Gir in the house!!!!
I
In~Plain~Site
Congrats man.
Nothing like standing if front of friends and family, under the lord our god, and proclaiming your faith and love for another human being.
Best of luck
Weddings make me tear up a bit, in a good way.
Nothing like standing if front of friends and family, under the lord our god, and proclaiming your faith and love for another human being.
Best of luck
Weddings make me tear up a bit, in a good way.
hide some assets now or she will take them later. i like the seperate house idea too.
Even though I don't personally want to get married, it always makes me happy when two people do decide to go for it and have a great union. It DOES happen for people out there, so I wish you and your future wife the very best. Oh! ...and don't quite rule kids out yet, I never thought I would have one and my Son is the best thing that's ever happened to me....way better than PTB, lol. Just a thought
i never thought i would have a kid till this hot petite woman seduced me. LOL my kid is just about old enough to drink now.
You know you scored a bonus in this deal right? I mean the next time you get lazy and don't pull you're weight around the house she'll probably not give you a hard time and just figure that you're planning something romantic. On the down side you'll actually have to deliver something romantic if you plan to be lazy more then once.
