Sexual frustration...

[GrassRoots]

Hello ladies of IC! I have an issue in my relationship and I'm curious on what other women think of it.
Do you think it is reasonable to get upset when your significant other when you are being denied sexual release on a regular basis? I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but I am in my mid 20's and have a pretty strong sex drive. I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years and I still get very frustrated when I'm horny but she is not and that means we can't do anything about my desires. I think it is not fair that whenever she is horny I will do whatever she wants in order to satisfy her but if I'm horny she is frequently tired or in a hurry or just not in the mood. I guess I feel like it can just be a quick thing (if she is not in the mood) and it's a small part of her day to give up to make me feel so good, why would she want to deny me that pleasure and instead leave me feeling rejected and upset? I feel that she is the only one I can turn to (I don't cheat) in this situation and to reject me hurts. I know I can take care of these things myself as well which is what I frequently end up doing.

Am I way out of line here, getting upset? I appreciate your input.

GrassRoots

 

[Brownpants]

I am not a woman, but this is what they are going to say:

Instead of focusing on pleasing yourself maybe you should try and figure out what she wants!

If you want lots and lots of Sex, You are on the right track by not cheating, now You need to listen to her, really listen, read between the lines, figure out what her innermost fantasies are, make sex exciting again. Maybe she wants to be on top? But your not letting her, or maybe she wants you to bend her over your knee and give her a spanking? Ask her what she wants? Communicate, be open and honest. If you can take the time and effort to create a strong relationship with her, where she feels safe, to be herself, she will be the hottest, kinkiest sex craved nympho you have ever known. Or she might run off to the isle of Lesbos?

Sorry ladies for jumping into your forum. But you do look fantastic in those shoes.

 

[krippysmoker]

Ok hon Im gonna lay this out for you fairly simply. Sex drives are different for everyone...but more so usually for men. Woman let emotions rule the way. And unless you find a woman who like you just wants to get down....your going to have to follow the emotion rule.
Take her to dinner...be romantic...give her flowers for NO reason. Be strait and ask her if your not pleasing her in bed.
SIngle most mistake that anyone can make in bed is assuming that you ROCK your partners world. Everyone is different....perhaps you mount her like a horse and she may hate that...or you do doggie style which makes her cringe. Perhaps she is ultra vanilla ......and just boring in bed....or maybe your vanilla and she has a dark side.
If you dont have a good trust she will not answer any of your questions with a true answer.
Or she could be a lesbian....lol If she is send her over this way and I will give her back with a full report JK

 

[GrassRoots]

Thanks for the tips and advice brownpants and krippysmoker, I figured I was being somewhat unreasonable that's why I asked and in the past my girlfriends have really liked to get down like I do and she really doesn't have the drive like they did. I still think I rock her world but my opinion is biased, I'm confident that she isn't a lesbian though .

GrassRoots

 

[1G12]

Ask your GF if she'd be willing to give ya a hand job when she's not in da mood & keep a bottle of skin lotion on the night stand. If that's too much of a bother for her, then ya need a new GF.

 

[GrassRoots]

That is too much of a bother for her. She says she doesn't like giving hand jobs

Is this just life ladies? Should I just get over it? Do you frequently deny your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend sexual gratification and they're just cool with it? I see the flip side of this argument could be something like, "hey, I'm not your sexual slave!" But really? Because I feel I'm hers. Whatever she wants, I'm game. I would not want someone else to be frustrated or upset because they're horny, all they want to do orgasm at the hands of their lover and the other party just isn't interested in helping them get there.

Feels weird writing to strangers about this but it feels good to get it off my chest and hear what other people have to say. Keep the comments coming, many of you have a lot more life experience than I and I'm eager to learn from you.

GrassRoots

 

[phattybudz]

if all else fails, just start beating off after its clear she's not in the mood. Maybe she freaks out, maybe she doesnt. If she doesnt, problem semi-solved (unless that starts a new argument about porn!) if she does, that's a good opportunity to talk about it.

That's semi-joking but I actually did that and it worked once.

 

[Dr. G]

Ask your GF if she'd be willing to give ya a hand job when she's not in da mood & keep a bottle of skin lotion on the night stand. If that's too much of a bother for her, then ya need a new GF.

i have the same problem as you man but this is what my girl does

95% of the time shes not in the mood (usually too tired) shell jerk me off but i usually take too long so she kinda despises it

we kinda let her not doing anything latley build up like shes been making me do all the work but then i got mad at her and told her she wasnt fufilling what a g/f should do like why the fuck should i have to fuck her every night for 2 mths she cant get on top??

and she was promising me a strip tease if i did some things then shed just say she never said that maby did that 3 times in 2 mths then i said thats fucking it you gotta do somthing

she just expects that ill always give in and not hold out on sex (which is pretty much true) but if you express that your really upset she should listen

remember the biggest thing is if shes willing to listen to your needs and at least talk them out


good luck

 

[Dr. G]

if all else fails, just start beating off after its clear she's not in the mood. Maybe she freaks out, maybe she doesnt. If she doesnt, problem semi-solved (unless that starts a new argument about porn!) if she does, that's a good opportunity to talk about it.

That's semi-joking but I actually did that and it worked once.

this too if xshes not down for a hj then just whack it she cant say shit about it

be like im a male human i need to orgasim if your not goign to help me then ill do it myself

and if she wont let you jack off you got other problems

but like i siad just make it known that you are very unhappy but want to work it out

 

[whodi]

It says in the bible that you must not deny your husband or wife sex. I know it's jsut a gf, but that still should apply i think.

And i dont care whether you beleive in God/bible or not.. I do and i'm just sharing what i think may be interesting to you. If not, so be it.

 

[GrassRoots]

Whodi, amen to that! I agree, it should apply.

Dr. G and Phattybudz, I do jerk off, regularly. She doesn't have any problem with that. If she did, whoa, it would have been over as soon as that argument was over, unless of coarse that argument ended with the agreement that I would never jerk off but she would never deny me. I'd make that deal.

GrassRoots

 

[Preacher]

What you feel is definitely normal- guys have the unfortunate circumstance of having the same hormone cause both libido and aggression. So you're going to end up upset, and seeing as it's a basic biological difference, she's probably not going to understand it. Which is why you need to reason it out with her and yourself. Ask straight-up what turn her on best (if you even have to- after six years you should have a numbered list in your head), present your case, then ask yourself if there's been any recurring trends on the occasions she seemed especially eager to fuck you.

 

[Rosy Cheeks]

It says in the bible that you must not deny your husband or wife sex. I know it's jsut a gf, but that still should apply i think.

And i dont care whether you beleive in God/bible or not.. I do and i'm just sharing what i think may be interesting to you. If not, so be it.

Deuteronomy 22:22 "If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die."

Leviticus 20:10 "If a man commits adultery with another man's wife - with the wife of his neighbor - both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death."

It also says in the Bible that adultery should be punished by death. I suppose you are in favor, since applicating certain laws of the Bible and not others is HYPOCRISY - if you concider the Bible as (a supposedly existing) God's word that is.

 

[pizzavixen]

to quote Hair:
"masturbation can be your friend..."

 

[whodi]

Deuteronomy 22:22 "If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die."

Leviticus 20:10 "If a man commits adultery with another man's wife - with the wife of his neighbor - both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death."

It also says in the Bible that adultery should be punished by death. I suppose you are in favor, since applicating certain laws of the Bible and not others is HYPOCRISY - if you concider the Bible as (a supposedly existing) God's word that is.

That's the old testament. i'm reppin the new testament. And i'm not your average bible thumping Christian.

BUt my point is.. if she can't do her duties and please you right... then she most likely won't do it if you ever marry the chick.

So... my advice would be to sit her down.. and try to communicate with her rationally. If it is causing problems then be straight up with her and let her know you aren't happy. ANd if she can't start pulling her shit.. then you can look elsewhere. But at least warn her and don't cheat on her.

 

[Brownpants]

If she is not in the mood, she is not in the mood and getting her to have sex with you when she is not in the mood is a bad bad idea. She will resent you and the sex will suck.
Try getting her in the mood first, maybe give her a rose, a massage, do something other than tell her to please you.

The bible will not improve your sex life.

 

[Rosy Cheeks]

i'm not your average bible thumping Christian.

Good for you

I tend to agree with Brownpants. The sex drive is equally strong between the sexes, but not between individuals. Some just want it more.
Mind you, I've been in situations when I had to say to gf's to slow it down a little, that I have to work for a living and sleep 8 hours a night, and can't always be Mr. Stud when wanted.
I often feel sex is better when you REALLY want it, because you've been holding back . Kind of like lighting up the bong after a three day no smoke.
That over-powering quality high that you look for but can never find when toking all day long.
If you can't synchronise your desires and you still want it more than her, get a mistress.

 

[British_Bulldog]

Grassroots, what you're experiencing is normal in most long-term relationships.

I've been there too, and it sucks I know.

After a few years, I was down to once a month with a girl who I was with for 5 years in total, and that was a real pain in the ass.

It seems most women fade like this, and there's nothing you can do, apart from try the following:

- treat her special, including massages (learn how to massage properly)

- surprise her now and again

- focus on foreplay and turning her on a lot

 

[whodi]

fuck that. my woman pleases me whether she in the mood or not. Where's your manhood? Tell that girl to hit the road if she can't do her woman duties and let you hit it... i mean.. if it's lacking passion and it means that much.. then maybe your relationship isn't on point the way it should be. Maybe you fight often, hold grudges. etc.. But hell. she can at least open her legs for a few minutes.. jsut try to make it quick for her. But if it makes you insecure if you aren't pleasing her sexually.. then that's on you. i say you two need to loosen up and have soem fun.. go buy soem new vibrators and kinky ass cream and shit. Do what you do. Try this for new: get a really nice glass dildo.. put it in the fridge and let it get real cold... and put it inside her... she will melt.

6 year relationship. got together when you were young just cause it was something physical? Do you really get along and make each other happy? DO you think you two are meant for each other? Are you insecure and don't feel like leaving her cause it's hard to date; so you just put up with it? Well there are other women out there and if you let your personality shine, it will rub off on them and they will love you for who you are. A REAL WOMAN. True happiness and love will find you. Don't feel liek you gotta stayed tied down to this chick if things aren't working out and not much hope for you two. Life goes on. It's all in how you handle your problems. Stay positive and lay it down for the girl. tell her it's time to make changes, be confident and make her really feel you. throw cold water in her face so she knows you mean business.

HAVE THE HEART OF A LION
YOU'RE A MONSTER!
REAL MEN HOLD SHIFT; WE DONT USE CAPSLOCK

 

[JJScorpio]

You might not want to hear it, but maybe she's bored.

Do you try diffrent things and ask her if she wants to try something new? She could be sick of the same old thing. Women are no different than guys. It gets boring eating the same thing for supper every night. If you get what I mean.....