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    Not much time right now for a detailed post, but met with the Doc from one of the premier clinics this afternoon, and they're in the running. Received more positive numbers; no guarantees, but substantially less horrid than the Doc I spoke with several weeks ago.

    1 down, 2 to go, and maybe beyond that?

    Trying to find heart-felt humanity, skill, and successes, all at the same time, sometimes takes more effort.

    Fellow coming to buy a hard-to-obtain, no longer made snowmobile that may well help to pay half of the coming year's maximum out-of-pocket medical bills for me. 2 guys waiting in line behind him, so it looks promising.

    Another positive.

    --------------------------------------------

    MOUNTAIN

    'Nantucket Sleigh Ride'

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmgLRzHRjgs

    Comment


      This will be brief. I wasn't going to post here for a couple days.

      Last night's attack was one of the worst, and to make matters both better and worse, I used my O2 sat meter to monitor the ride through. Panic can be made more panicky if one watches a meter that has begun flashing numbers that agree with the physical symptoms being simultaneously experienced; namely, a pounding heart, tight chest, and a sense that there is nothing to be done. The body has gone off o its own, and it will let me know when it has finished what ever this is.

      So, based on a number of factors, I have currently speculated that the 3 (actually 4) primary suspects in this are;

      1.) The flowers I'm eating mine or theirs, CBD or THC). And though this would absolutely be the WRONG time to cut back on anything anti-cancer, I truly don't want to ever go through that again.

      2.) True panic attacks; that my body and mind have finally (for now, anyway) reached their limits on the number of stressors they can function under.

      3.) Abrupt dietary changes, to include radical calorie reduction in food intake, CAN, per our research last night, diminish potassium and magnesium stores in our bodies, and (especially) potassium is required to... wait for it.... regulate the heart. Bingo?????

      If I had Weez's love of experimentation, adventure, and compartmentalization, I would only change one variable at a time in the above suspects, and I may still try and sort some of this out more methodically.

      I'm very seriously contemplating ceasing the eating of both the sent decarbed CBD flowers, as well as my decarbed THC flowers. I absolutely don't want to rid my tool-chest of any functional stuff, but I can't go on with what's been happening. And ER visits area bit ore steep in what's not covered than my average billing these days.

      I'm also making a focused effort to eat today, whether I feel hungry or not, and eating raw broccoli (high in potassium, sort of), pistachio nuts (substantially more potassium that almonds, with, if I recall correctly, fewer carbs, less salt, etc.). Though salt was mentioned as a way to stave off some of the stuff that' occurring if it is diet-related.

      When the attack set in last night, I had taken a half of one of the anti-anxiety tabs my primary Doc had prescribed for me. In the early part of the roe intense part of the attack, I ate the second half of the same pill, and a bit later, finally felt something happening.

      Woke up with a normal pulse of about 64-67, and good oxygenation.

      I just have to rid myself of this panicked experience. no ifs about it.

      And based on my blood pressure and pulse this morning, as well as those abilities I referenced earlier, in other posts, re. keeping one's body fit sufficiently to rid itself of waste and continue to be strong enough to fight what ever it is it's fighting, whether C-19 or Cancer. Or the flu, for that matter.

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Leslie, Felix, Corky, and Steven, Live, Woodstock, after sundown, 1969.

      I do believe there's some Lucy happening on that stage.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3OrNJn0koQ

      Comment


        Wanted to add that in the midst of trying to sort this all out last night, and feeling fairly terminal, 2 GOOD puffs of scissor hash greatly reduced the more dire effects of the moment, likely dove-tailed with the early onset of the new anti-anxiety, and later on, despite trying to avoid Sudafed for now, I ate another single tablet of 6 hr. generic, and slept with a very controlled pulse, and reasonably solid O2 levels.

        Comment


          Very best of wishes my friend.
          That which matters most

          Comment


            Originally posted by Gry View Post
            Very best of wishes my friend.
            Thank you, Gry.

            I'm frightened at the moment, and for the last while. Any time there's a sense of no air, there's a panic. Last night it took off and just kept going.

            Not sure how long I'm willing to suffer these attacks. I may have to go camping soon.

            Got to town and delivered the snowmobile, so there's almost $3k toward this year's coming max. out of pocket of $6k. Got most of another $200 for a whole TON (over $600 worth) of OEM parts I bought a few years back, intending to completely rebuild this thing; they're selling for more now, than they were 20-30 years ago, new.

            That'll go to the current bills for this crisis as well.

            I'm heading up to lay down. In the bank I had pressured breathing again, and it took a LONG time for the 2 tellers present to get past others, including folks in the drive-through that came long after I had arrived and been standing in line. Another Murphy test.

            On the bright side, we warmed up to about 2 or 3 above 0 today.

            The sooner I get my shop straightened out, mothers transplanted into larger pots, more soilless mix, more humidity in the air, and I can get the sizable sonic mist cool moist vaporizer going that I'd purchased years ago for mushroom boxes, and that can hopefully find a spot in our bedroom, then we can get both sources of humidity going.

            Plans. Just need energy, time, discipline, etc.

            Comment


              I have similar issues at night. I have to frequently sleep in my recliner and then later move to the bed. Keep my recliner right next to the bed.
              Make sure you are hydrated and I take both Sudafed and Benadryl . The Benadryl soothes inflamed passages and can help breathing like the Sudafed.
              During Covid-19 the hospital’s have learned that sleeping on your stomach will help oxygen saturation. I’ve found sleeping that way helps me cough up the mucus, sometimes . Also Flonase helped my allergies and mucus, it seems to melt the mucus better than Sudafed.

              A slow deep breath, held in for a second then released rapidly will help you cough it up too
              Life is sudden be ready

              dont count the days make the days count
              Legal medical patient

              _________
              “Make the most you can of the Indian hemp seed and sow it everywhere.” – George Washington
              "Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda, smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye can see." - Thomas Jefferson
              "Two of my favorite things are sitting on my front porch smoking a pipe of sweet hemp, and playing my Hohner harmonica.” – Abraham Lincoln

              Comment


                Originally posted by sdd420 View Post
                I have similar issues at night. I have to frequently sleep in my recliner and then later move to the bed. Keep my recliner right next to the bed.
                Make sure you are hydrated and I take both Sudafed and Benadryl . The Benadryl soothes inflamed passages and can help breathing like the Sudafed.
                During Covid-19 the hospital’s have learned that sleeping on your stomach will help oxygen saturation. I’ve found sleeping that way helps me cough up the mucus, sometimes . Also Flonase helped my allergies and mucus, it seems to melt the mucus better than Sudafed.

                A slow deep breath, held in for a second then released rapidly will help you cough it up too
                Thank you, sdd. I meant to mention to you, as I did to trich the other day, your posts are often on target, trying to be helpful, and full of understanding. Thank you for that.

                I can't take Benadryl, as it has always tightened up my chest, but in a somewhat different manner than the panic attacks.

                I'm trying to avoid the Sudafed, or anything similar that might lessen my body's ability to purge or discard things it doesn't need, should I get C-19 or even the flu. I'll need to be strong enough when I fly down next week to be able to defend myself without hospitalization; the hospitals aren't running a really good record at the moment re. functionally handling respiratory crises, so if I can avoid them, other than for cancer surgery or treatment elsewise, I hope to. And that means being able to expel nasties from my respiratory system, and that means muscle tone and air capacity.

                For me, once I have pressured breathing, with already heightened anxiety, it just spirals downward from there. Pure PANIC at that moment, and it's self-perpetuating. At one point, I had to toss the oxy sat meter to the night stand. My reaction to its info was worse than the initial reaction I was trying to track.

                Anyway, yes, hydration, hydration, hydration. I think that is key right now. Fresh out of magic powers and tricks to save family relationships I helped to cast into molds, or to cure cancer, but as far as respiratory issues, and panic in general, hydration is very important.

                Reading through the information one of the 3 Seattle clinics provided, drinking a lot of fluids is directly related to post-surgical recovery, respiratory issues, bowel movements and not injuring one's self in the area of the surgery.

                But thankfully, reminding myself to drink water, and then doing so, hasn't been forgotten nearly as often as forgetting to ingest a dab of lecithin when I've eaten canna flowers, or as repulsive as chewing canna flowers.

                Thanks again.

                -------------------------------------------------------------

                An all-woman string band (blue grass/folk) I first heard on Michael Flynn's Folk Sampler, well over 25 years ago. I thought it was incredibly beautiful then, and I still do. Bless them. One of the most beautiful folk/blue grass tunes I know of.

                Reel World String Band

                'Peace & Harmony'

                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux0wMbRxAEI
                Last edited by moose eater; 01-07-2021, 06:12.

                Comment


                  Meant to add, had a talk with another person, and acknowledged that after almost 50 years of smoking and trading in weed, I had q pretty firm grasp of what a gram looked like, with some variance based in density, trichome and resin presence, etc. That said, and again, admitting that the 'shake' in either CBD and THC flowers is a different density than the flower, and among flowers, as many of us know density can vary with growing technique or setting, strain, etc.

                  So... with some significant apprehensiveness re. ingesting anything that might re-trigger panic, I will use a gun powder scale (grains, where 15.8 grains = 1 gram, and 19.75 grains = 1.25 grams), from now on, and tonight, I'll temporarily abstain from my THC flowers, and only eat the commercially obtained CBD flowers.

                  And looking at the amount of CBD flower in the gun powder scale right now, it is fairly clear that I was ingesting a bit more than the specified amount. Not a lot more, but a little bit.

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by Gry View Post
                    Very best of wishes my friend.
                    What Gry said.
                    “The sun will eclipse soon unless you sacrifice the prince consort to the goddess of the moon.”
                    Hans Bornefeld

                    Comment


                      Hey Moose,
                      I'v had some success with deep breathing exercises when I'm stressed or having trouble falling to sleep. It doesn't need to be complicated, a shorter duration deep inhale, followed by a longer exhale, repeated a few times helps me.

                      For me, edibles taken earlier in the evening have helped with thc fueled insomnia, I usually don't get to sleep much before three anyway...

                      Good Luck
                      Eat More Weed!

                      Comment


                        Originally posted by buzzmobile View Post
                        What Gry said.
                        You're very kind and thoughtful, buzz.

                        Comment


                          Originally posted by OkThen View Post
                          Hey Moose,
                          I'v had some success with deep breathing exercises when I'm stressed or having trouble falling to sleep. It doesn't need to be complicated, a shorter duration deep inhale, followed by a longer exhale, repeated a few times helps me.

                          For me, edibles taken earlier in the evening have helped with thc fueled insomnia, I usually don't get to sleep much before three anyway...

                          Good Luck
                          Hey, OK.

                          Hope thigs are doing alright for you.

                          Yes, as pages upon pages of ramblings reflect, I'm scared panicked, and more, and heart-broke over the 2 older children and their apparent obliviousness to their issues.

                          Spoke with a relatively knowledgeable person via messaging earlier today, and they advised that I take a CBDa flower (non-decarboxylated CBD flowers) and put them/it into a cup of tea. They described the interaction with receptor sites, etc.

                          This particular panic has not been a matter of simply having cancer, but compounded by a lot of factors. Mentioned above are 2.

                          So I broke open a bag of the better CBD hemp I have here, rated at 220 mg of CBD per gram of flower. This more recent batch/strain of the now-described more recent CBD cannabis, picked out a medium small chunk and a smaller piece, cut them up, placed them in a tea-ball type of spoon, added a micro-drizzle of organic honey, and a bag of red raspberry zinger tea, let it sit until I was sure that it was steeped long enough for the CBD to have been mixed into the tea, and it was cool enough, and down she went.

                          Too early to separate perception or placebo results, versus actual efficacy, and I cluttered the experiment by eating a half of the anti-anxiety meds I'm trying for a bit, but I -think- it worked reasonably well in calming the racing pulse.

                          I've bene up-front with everyone, including my primary care Doc. If this becomes too, too much, and each day has become an endurance race, filled with broken hearts, doubts, pain or panic relative to breathing, etc., then something is going to have to change or give. That's all there is to it..

                          I'm supposed to be taking my younger son into the mountains the end of the 1st week in March, and it now looks like if I'm to do surgery, rather than another approach, then I wouldn't want to do that until after the annual lake trout trip into the Wrangell-St. Elias Range. I realize that for some this issue sounds trivial, but running from the perspective that family is a major priority, especially when time in the future is uncertain.

                          So I'll be trying to pin down Docs, as I'm able, to let me know how far out they're scheduling for surgery. (looking at the clock now, I see I blew another opportunity to contact a clinic in Seattle for this very purpose).

                          Anyway, if I recall the post-op literature form at least one Seattle area clinic, they don't want patients sitting on bicycles, etc., for 6 weeks or more. possibly 10, or lifting over 15 lbs. for 4 weeks, and a bunch of pother stuff.

                          My younger guy has been an incredible asset. Incredible. No exaggeration at all. A fine young man. He's earned some time in the bush recreating with me, if I can get that far.

                          SO it's a bit of a dicey trade; let the cancer grow for what might be an additional 2-5 weeks, so I can spend time with him in the mountains, then surgery, knowing this critter has been defined as aggressive? Or roll the dice, miss this year ice fishing in the remote mountains, do the surgery as quickly as possible with the RIGHT Doc and Team, and then look forward to at least a few months or years of other outings. Maybe more. Maybe many more.

                          This is made more convoluted, in part, by the many uncertainties.

                          Thanks again, OK, and I hope you do well, also.

                          ----------------------------------------

                          Tedeschi Trucks Band, Live

                          Medley Covers: 'Angel from Montgomery'

                          and 'Sugaree'

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrSK...yYN7HY&index=2

                          Their keyboard feller plays a beautiful flute, as well.

                          Comment


                            Originally posted by moose eater View Post
                            This is made more convoluted, in part, by the many uncertainties.
                            I can only agree with you on the many uncertainties. A trip with your son vs. that dreaded 'C' word are a pair of dilemma horns with gold plated convolutions.

                            Consider the benefit of burying your uncertainties in the wilderness with your beloved son. That may serve as a 'mental refuge'; a safe harbor to ride out whichever treatment you eventually decide. I cannot tell you the number of moments I spent in my 'mental kayak' while I lay still, hearing the machine whir and clunk. My kayak kept me from disembodiment in the middle of the night.

                            I'm looking for tails in the sunrise and a mirror of Gulf so I can see sky above me and sea below.
                            I'm pretty sure you have weighed the down side.
                            “The sun will eclipse soon unless you sacrifice the prince consort to the goddess of the moon.”
                            Hans Bornefeld

                            Comment


                              Thanks, buzz.

                              And thanks for the Hank Williams, Sr. nuke song this A.M.

                              Woke up uncomfortably energized and awake at about 7:30 A.M., with what felt like an amped-up, mild to moderate tension, and some hunger pangs of significance, but when I cheated and polished off the last portion of a single lamb chop, I felt a bit nauseous almost immediately. Now I'm trying to wait until my 10-grain cereal is done, so I can chow down on maybe a few TBSP of the stuff.

                              Tried to think of something to put on the hot cereal that doesn't involve meat protein (milk), or extra stout carbs, (most types of fruit I might've chopped up, but for the 10-grain already carrying a carb punch of size.

                              Maybe add almond milk or something that I can just splash a TINY amount of it into cereal, or gravy or, ...., and not feel like I have to add to or hasten my demise by eating better.

                              I gotta' go lay down upstairs now; my gut's bothering me again, the cereal's not done, my daughter unfriended my younger son last night after posting projections and transferences too many times, being asked a question about it by my wife, and then my leaving some lengthy remarks about persons still being here who also recall the past, and that maybe we all needed to sit down and see who remembers what?

                              The tea with CBDa seems to knock back the anxiety, but the effects are not as long lasting as I would hope, but not bad. And every little bit of less pang in the gut helps.

                              Yesterday my bowel effluent had a light brown to tan hue, and we considered the possibility that the gut issues are being magnified by the untreated gall stone problem, which there's another scan for this Monday, the day before I fly to Seattle.

                              I think it's quite possible, and if so, separating out the symptoms by resolving the gall bladder issue, then cancer treatment, then the hopefully limited spine issues left over from that adventure, and finally, if I haven't developed an allergy to scalpels or blades by then, maybe the left shoulder I screwed up most of 2 decades ago?

                              Yep, I think going back to my bed, and pulling the overs over my head, a couple puffs of hash for opening up the airways, and we'll see if I can't wake up with a bit less distress.

                              Add'l edit: I considered the 'strange tense energy' as also potentially being contributed to by my balanced glucose numbers, and my body making better use of carbs in limited quantity, as that can feel like a mild (or greater) stimulant f sorts sometimes, too, so they may be tag-teaming me, and I'm missing it?

                              Cowboy Junkies, Live in Liverpool

                              Covering Neil Young's 'Helpless'

                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvy4jxqxbbc

                              -----------------------------------

                              Cowboy Junkies, Live

                              Newport Folk Fest (Whole Show)

                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZ-biRvTuc
                              Last edited by moose eater; 01-08-2021, 17:31.

                              Comment


                                imo, have the surgery before going into the mountains...you wouldn't want those panic / tight chest attacks leading to your son having to haul you out or call in rescue team or worse.
                                forgive mention of the worse, but it sounds like you've addressed that already.
                                "when i run outta weed, i smoke match sticks...
                                that first hit is FIRE!!!"


                                "I'm not always a dick...but when I am, I drink cheap beer".

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