Women's Rags: A word to the wise

[johnipedestran]

oh my buddy Access

well done well worked

more fun have you noticed the obsession with numbers? as a person who freely admits to reading said magazines, on every cover there are always 7 ways to do this and 25 Of that

im pretty sure there is an InStyle on the floor of my bathroom right now (my wife just got back from a flight so I got a couple good ones hanging around)

i just watched Bruno last night. Now that was some funny shit.

peace
jip

 

[Trillion]

Plane ticket? Hahaha...bad Miss B.

Im sorry luv, where are my manners i shoulda said "Marry me please"

You know you need a nice english gentlemen in your life, Accept im a dual citizen and i most likely have a place to stay in a town near you

Ive never tried to chirps a girl over the net before but something about your dialogue just tells me you're stupidly attractive....

 

[Marywanna]

We're thinking about fucking the hotter guy we saw while we were out shopping...how about that? And we don't really care about the shit that comes out of your mouths half the time too..... Wonder why a chick like me thinks like that? I have half a male brain...men fall in love with me fast. Dare to do it and you'd be in love with an asshole just like you....and you would hate it. Hypocracy sucks bad guys.

Much love!
Miss B

oh and by the way....we do want to do twisted shit in bed and don't need to be asked. It's just not you we feel like doing it with

BADASS POST!

 

[Trillion]

Oh yeah, and i got scissor hash for days

Now if only i had a tidy little place to put this egg of caramello ill be on my way

 

[accessndx]

I agree with most of the stuff said, but how the hell can you guys not like foreplay? Thats the best f'n part of sex period.

Thats where most of the kinky stuff starts.....for me anyway.

What, You guys don't like head? well i sure f'n do.....LOL!!

Danny

FTR: getting head is not foreplay.
Unless that's what Bill Clinton got in the White House. Then it's not even sex.

 

[motaloca]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to accessndx again.
damn always thought head counts as foreplay.
Tonight I gonna tell my girl to touch my schmenis.
(nasty spell check wanted to torch my schmenis)

 

[spadedNfaded]

Ah, well i decided to let this thread develop a tad before i posted.

my personal favorite, "I'm not, like, your typical girl."..... right, you're just exactly the same as the 50% that don't think they are a typical girl.

I don't really see any hypocritical shit here, Miss B! Most of the guys who cut the shit would prefer to have the shit cut for them, too. It sounds like you mean that we appreciate all of this crap and would otherwise suffer without it.

I don't mind if a women spends a lot of time on her hair and make-up, as long as we spends an equal or greater amount of time on my dick. Seriously, for "not giving a shit what other people think".....you sure give a shit what other people think.
I can put on jeans with holes in the knees and a tight Dr. Pepper shirt, and i can go out in public, and i can TRULY not give a fuck what other people think.

And as far as all of this "what your man wants" bullshit, how about using your head? How about asking him to read the article with you so he can determine what, if anything, is correct. That way you can learn 2 things at once
1.) those magazine are full of shit
2.) what your guy actually wants!

And are you not getting what you want from your man? Is he a worthless dick? That might be the problem.

Is he not a worthless dick? Well you might be trying to send some signals that he just isn't comprehending.
Things to try:
1.) English. (or whatever native language you and your partner speak and understand)



Difference between men and women:

Women - send signals and their happiness depends on your ability to read said signals.
Men - don't send signals because we're simple. Men want the things that women know we want. food, sex, shelter.

This just made me think of something!!
If a women sends out signals and depends on a guy to interpret them to get what she wants, while a woman knows what a man wants but simply does not give, what's worse??

- SubN

 

[LittleMissGrow]

i'm a woman and I agree cosmo honestly is stupid! most of the crap in there is bs, and and the rest is just dumb and it makes every woman seem like a gold digging whore. sorry tot hose ladies who worship cosmo, but I think it's ridiculous. With magazines like that and people like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Beyounce honestly.... they make all girls seem stupid, trashy. Then you wonder why all these 12 yr old girls are trying to be 20yr olds and out having sex, and why men would rather be single and just have sex, cause these people make it seem as if all woman want is to take ur money, or if you care about me "you better put a rind on it". I hAte cosmo... it makes me angry. i am a woman and yes in a sense i do need money to be able to eat and survive but i ain't gonna steal it from my husband, and i'm not the girl whose gonna force him to buy me diamonds and leave him if he doesn't. and how does cosmo know what goes through your man's head? every man just like every woman is different and thinks different... he could be thinking how good it is or maybe it would have been better with a bag on ur head... serioulsy don't believe cosmo... lol now that i've ranted on... sorry i really dislike cosmo... for the most part. I only like the gyno section because they have good health tips from woman. but as for what my man is thinking and how i should keep him type crap... flush it, burn it

 

[h^2 O]

the real question: what's the most f'd up "safety word" you've heard of/used?

 

[spadedNfaded]

Well said, LittleMissGrow!!!

"Then you wonder why all these 12 yr old girls are trying to be 20yr olds and out having sex, and why men would rather be single and just have sex, cause these people make it seem as if all woman want is to take ur money, or if you care about me "you better put a rind on it"."

K+!

- SubN

 

[Son Of Fongool]

You guys are missing the point... Cosmo is on OUR side! It's part of the conspiracy to keep women deluded that we have emotional depth and actually care about all that junk so they don't realize that what they *really* want is another woman... LOL

Plus, Cosmo makes the house smell good...

 

[h^2 O]

i guess miss blunted is a real life version of Sarah Jessica...can't remember the last name...
oh! hee-haw! is on!!!! Sarah Jessica Horseface ruined an entire generation of women and it's up to us few members of NO MA'AM to destroy every copy of every episode so our future generations may live on

 

[LittleMissGrow]

we know you don't care.... we just don't care that you don't care so we just keep on talking..... lol. i know men aren't emotional like women. all anyone man or woman wants is good sex... frequently lol. be faithfull... unless ur into swapping partners. love eachother, don't be controlling or jealous, and don't be selfish... it's better to give then recieve head.... lmao. i find cosmo tries to make u a whore and tells u to go out and bone whoever... its all dumb lol follow ur heart and use ur head. listen to ur partener and ask questions....... cause im sure comos doesn't know why he likes to give it to you from behind,..... they think that different postions and crap tell u what kinda guy u got... i think it's hilarious... yes if u do it this way u must be strong, and good at reading, but if u like being on the bottom ur weak and need to be dominated.... sex is sex.... and comos is poopie another ratning from lmg

 

[h^2 O]

FUN WITH EDITING
-------------------------

we could have a "threesome have her on the lawn she would never ask to allow a bed. Go ahead and - let me know the most. Just even like up is possible her scissoring wiener in the night

 

[love?]

Cosmo is great. You just gotta imagine it's a humor magazine instead of a ... whatever it's supposed to be. It's funnier than Mad magazine!

I remember the best tip from Cosmo; "surprise your man by putting a cherry in your vagina". Well what can you say to something like that? I'd sure be surprised. While it may be difficult to believe they'd actually print that I'm convinced I'm not making this shit up. It was an "international edition" though so maybe it was the result of some kind of translation error - I sure hope so.

Anyway, I'm convinced that a sizeable part of their readers are actually reading it for the laughs. And the publishers probably are aware of this too.

 

[cocktail frank]

cosmo wouldnt make any more $$ if they saw this.
the mystery of a man is revealed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Vigil]

Can you imagine, I mean, I know alot of people think I wasted my life with drugs and alcohol but I've pissed most of my life away just trying to fuck. Its not that great, its not that important. Its not bad, its free fun for poor people, but could you imagine if we could just get that out of the way, what we could have done as human beings? If you just got the "fucking" out of the way. You should be able to fuck like you shakehands or high-five.

"Hey haven't seen you since college"... plurrtt. Bend her over the bus bench and just get it out of your system. Then go on to create something. All the time and wasted energy just to fuck cause they told you it was important. Doug Stanhope



They crawl from the oceans
To paint in the caves
But I’m working all weekend
I need to get paid Conor Oberst

 

[Miss Blunted]

i guess miss blunted is a real life version of Sarah Jessica...can't remember the last name...
oh! hee-haw! is on!!!! Sarah Jessica Horseface ruined an entire generation of women and it's up to us few members of NO MA'AM to destroy every copy of every episode so our future generations may live on

Hold on dickhead....I don't give a shit about property, cosmo, makeup or any stereotyped chick. I am my own person...100%. As for Spadednfaded...you DON'T know me. What was in my post was non-fiction...deal with it. There ARE women out there that are similar to men in more ways than you think, friend. How would you even know who and what every woman in this world is about. You don't, you never will.

 

[SpasticGramps]

I dated this chick in college who read Cosmo. It was always at her apartment and I would always make fun her for that. Needless to say it didn't last too long. I added that to my prerequisites for long term relationships.

1. Smoke lots of weed.
2. No Cosmo mags
3. Can't fuck like a dead fish.

 

[LittleMissGrow]

so h20... what if your wife asked you to have a threesome with the cute barmaid at the bar?