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Weird - Wacky - Funny News

C

CosmicGiggle

Well-known member
Moderator
Veteran
..... and speaking of Weird - Wacky - Funny News, I have to LOL@FoxNews, US news having not one article on Paul Manaforte or Michael Cohen, not one!!!

They lead with Mollie Tibbetts being murdered by an illegal Mexican, a maimed white woman pushed onto subway tracks by a black man, etc.

..... you get the picture!:tiphat:
 
R

Robrites

CosmicGiggle said:
..... and speaking of Weird - Wacky - Funny News, I have to LOL@FoxNews, US news having not one article on Paul Manaforte or Michael Cohen, not one!!!

They lead with Mollie Tibbetts being murdered by an illegal Mexican, a maimed white woman pushed onto subway tracks by a black man, etc.

..... you get the picture!:tiphat:
Click to expand...
88gg9r35rih11.jpg
 
ozzieAI

ozzieAI

Well-known member
Veteran
To brighten your day, here is a croc crossing a canal on a pool noodle

The creature was caught on camera earlier this month resting on the pool noodle as it swam across the water in the canal in Key Largo, Florida.

“I saw the croc off my balcony swimming up the canal,” local Victor Perez told Fox News on Wednesday.

“My first thought was, ‘What happened to the person that was on the noodle?’”

At first, Mr Perez said he didn’t see the large reptile. The floating device appeared to be drifting away in the water behind his home.

“It was just cruising along, and I was like, ‘OK, where’s the swimmer?’” Mr Perez repeated to the Miami Herald, clearly rapt with his own gag.

But when he took a closer look, Mr Perez saw a dark brownish-green figure and quickly realised it was a crocodile.

The Key Largo resident ran to grab his phone and snapped pictures of the unusual sight. He posted a photo of the crocodile to Instagram on August 6 and received hundreds of likes.

“I don’t know how he got that thing, but he looked like just any typical Florida tourist!” Mr Perez riffed.

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/r...e/news-story/5f76c356461b10020001f79d2ff8bdc6
 
R

Robrites

If Trump shot Michael Cohen in broad daylight, here's what Republicans would say

If Trump shot Michael Cohen in broad daylight, here's what Republicans would say

The New York Times:
Breaking news: in an eerie echo of Donald Trump’s infamous campaign trail remark – “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters” – many witnesses report, and CCTV footage obtained by the Times confirms, that early this morning the president drew a handgun on his former lawyer Michael Cohen and shot him dead on a street in midtown Manhattan.

House speaker Paul Ryan:
“If these reports are true – I emphasize IF – then yes, I’m very concerned. I don’t think the president should be killing people in broad daylight in front of Tiffany’s. But I’m not a legal expert, I could be wrong.”

White House press secretary Sarah Sanders:
Associated Press: “Ms Sanders, did the president shoot his former lawyer in an effort to stop him from testifying against the president?”
Sarah Sanders: “No, he did not.”
AP: “Are you saying that the shooting was not motivated by Mr Cohen’s recent plea deal, or rather that the president did not shoot him?”
SHS: “You’ve got my answer, Jim. No, no, no.”
AP: “Ms Sanders, I’m still not clear what –”
SHS: “The answer is no. No as in no. N. O. It’s these kinds of questions that have turned the American people against the press.”


CNN:
Anderson Cooper: “We’re seeing incredible images here. The president being taken into custody. Kellyanne, what can you tell us?”
Kellyanne Conway: “I’m not going to comment on rumors, Anderson.”
AC: “Kellyanne, these are not rumors. The president has handcuffs around his wrists. You’re seeing the same footage we are.”
KC: “You’re free to see things your way. I have an alternative perception.”
AC: “But how can you possibly –”
KC: “Let’s agree to disagree, Anderson!”

Senator Mitch McConnell:
“People die every day in this country. I’m not going to let myself get sidetracked by these distractions.”

Tweet from @realDonaldTrump:
“Back from GREAT chat with members of NYPD--the finest! Brand new police station. Very NICE. They want a wall too. Was NEVER taken into custody. FAKE NEWS cooked up by Crooked Hillary and FAILING NYT and CONFLICTED Mueller! Keep our borders strong – JUST SAY NO to murdering and raping Mexicans.”

Rudy Giuliani, president’s attorney:
“Let’s get our facts straight. The president was never taken into custody except for maybe around six hours. He has not been charged with murder and won’t be charged with murder because murder isn’t always murder. The constitution is very clear on this: charging the president with a crime is a crime.”

White House press briefing points:
“First of all the president was not in Manhattan at the time of the shooting. Second, he was watching TV on the 26th floor of Trump Tower when the shots were fired. Third, while he didn’t have the opportunity to save the students at the Parkland school, this time the president was able to rush into a busy city street and thereby save dozens of lives from a distraught and possibly deranged lawyer.”

Words on Target umbrella held by Melania Trump, first lady:
“I really do care.”™

Homeland security secretary Kirstjen Nielsen:
“At this moment I can confirm that one of the alleged eyewitnesses to the shooting is a tourist from Mexico. Certainly we need to ask what a tourist from Mexico was doing in front of Tiffany’s at the time of this alleged incident. Now can I please eat my taco in peace?”

Alex Jones, Infowars:
“What I want to know is why hasn’t anyone mentioned that Chuck Schumer and Hillary Clinton were NOWHERE to be seen at the time of the shooting? Are you telling me that’s mere coincidence? C’mon! And why haven’t the NYPD and the DEEP STATE FBI looked into this? What else aren’t they looking into?”

Sean Hannity:
“What about the thousands of bills that Chuck Schumer has killed? What about Hillary’s murder of Vince Foster? And the Democrats dare talk about justice?”

Paul Ryan:
“I never said the president couldn’t kill in broad daylight. I just said I hope the president stays focused on all the great things we’re doing for the American people.”

Tweet from @realDonaldTrump:
“Michael Cohen said he would take a bullet for me. So NO MURDER! And NO COLLUSION!! WITCH HUNTS! Worse than SALEM!!! Never should have let CRIMINAL Comey (lousy writer to! book sales DOWN!) talk me out of executing KILLIN’ Hillary…”

Tweet from @realDonaldTrump:
“…and JIHAD Brennan and LEPRECHAUN Sessions. FAKE NEWS hates Trump because I built a Beautiful Wall. And brought PEACE to England! Now I’m PARDONING myself for NO CRIME! Also pardoning…”

Tweet from @realDonaldTrump:
“…extended family, all former campaign managers, present and future cabinet members. MAGA! #DraintheSwamp”



  • Lawrence Douglas is the James J Grosfeld professor of law, jurisprudence and social thought, at Amherst College. Alexander George is the Rachel and Michael Deutch professor of philosophy at Amherst College in Amherst
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/aug/23/trump-michael-cohen-broad-daylight
 
insomniac_AU

insomniac_AU

Active member
Couple struggling to conceive for 4 years discover wife is still a virgin

Couple struggling to conceive for 4 years discover wife is still a virgin

https://www.kidspot.com.au/news/cou...n/news-story/ebb6921951c702bf91ceef2d8b228ce6


They were under a lot of pressure to have a baby. It had been four years and their parents constantly complained about the lack of grandchildren.
Convinced something was seriously wrong, the unnamed Chinese couple sought the advice of obstetrician Liu Hongmei when a team of doctors visited their village in Bijjie city in the south-western Guizhou province.


The wife said she found the experience painful, but “silently told herself that she had to endure it, in order to be able to one day hug her child,” Doctor Liu told China's Guiyang Evening Post.

Concerned the 24-year-old might be battling a serious genealogical condition; the obstetrician did a full physical examination, which revealed one surprising fact – the woman had never had sex.

Increasingly confused, the doctor again questioned the couple about their sex life.

It was only when the woman boasted that she 'could fit three fingers’ that the doctor realised the reason they hadn’t got pregnant – they’d been having anal sex the entire time.

Stifling laughter, Liu handed them each a sex-ed handbook and sent them on their way.

A few months later, 100 eggs and a live chicken arrived at the hospital, a thank you gift from the now-expecting couple.
 
R

Robrites

My bank is always looking out for me...Don't be wantin' no pocket fire

My bank is always looking out for me...Don't be wantin' no pocket fire

Dear costumer,
Many of our bank costumers have reported that their debit cards have caught fire while they are in wallets and purses, and so as a precushion we are issuing an URGENT safety recall. This is a matter of the uppermost emergency as your card could create a pocket fire at any given moment, burning your legs and stomach terribly. This is because of a fault in the factory process at our debit card factory in Molton Keynes.
Therefore, for your own safety and verification, please complete the bottom of this form, and return it with your debit card to the safety manager at the following address:
Mr Smith
Barclays Debit Card Factory
187 Bangalore Lane
Bangalore
India
8NG466271
IMPORTANT: The PIN number is for verification porpuses only and will destroyed immediately upon a rival. Your private details will not be compromised at any time.
​
 
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