Will work like a slave. forsaken all friends. constantly spend what little coin I hav on workin for more weed. That is not what I expected when I signed on.....But I do love my gurls
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Trolling for Jobs, Vol. 1
- Thread starter sandawg
- Start date
I would gladly starve to death before learning spanish to work in the us.
good luck in becoming fluent in 30 days. Sounds like he just hired you because you had that " go getting attitude"...not because he honestly thought you could become fluent in 30 days.
Unless you are shipped to mexico for a month...or are an idiot savant...it is most likely impossible.
Cool thread though.
Unless you are shipped to mexico for a month...or are an idiot savant...it is most likely impossible.
Cool thread though.
sandawg
Member
Thanks.
sandawg
Member
For those of you that only read the OP: the mods consolidated my other post into this one, which is completely understandable. That was the reason I only wanted to post two of them. I didn't want to be a jerk and flood the Den with that shit. The second one posted now at the bottom of page 1 is considerably more provocative and at first I thought it was deleted.
Considering that they're consolidated, I am going to have to post just one more, since I've received some pretty positive feedback. I just have to decide whether I should post either (a) the asbestos attorney ad, (b) my response to a rejection letter, or (c) my confusion over EOE.
Maybe a few hits on the vape will help me decide.
Considering that they're consolidated, I am going to have to post just one more, since I've received some pretty positive feedback. I just have to decide whether I should post either (a) the asbestos attorney ad, (b) my response to a rejection letter, or (c) my confusion over EOE.
Maybe a few hits on the vape will help me decide.
sandawg
Member
Thanks, dude. B it is. Coming up in few minutes . . .
sandawg
Member
TROLLING FOR JOBS, VOLUME 3
TROLLING FOR JOBS, VOLUME 3
[In response to rejection letter sent via U.S. Mail]
--- On Mon, 4/18/11, [sandawg] wrote:
From: [sandawg]
Subject: Associate Position
To: j********@****law.com
Date: Monday, April 18, 2011, 10:17 PM
[I had no idea whether the person I was writing to was male or female]
Dear Mrs. *********,
I received your letter dated April 4, 2011, wherein you
explained that (1) your firm is "in the process of making an
offer to another candidate," and (2) you will keep my resume
on file and contact me should your "needs change."
I said it was YOUR letter because although Mr. Smith
allegedly signed it, I can tell that it was a stamped
signature. Since your initials are included underneath
the stamp, I just decided to forgo an explanation and simply
comment that it was YOUR letter. I only mention this
to demonstrate my attention to detail, which was apparently
overlooked the first time you read my resume. Did Mr.
Smith even read my resume, or do you READ everything for
him, too?
When YOU wrote me the letter, Mrs. ********, you said you
were "in the process of making an offer to another
candidate." That was two weeks ago, so my first
question is how did that process work out? Did the
candidate accept what I'm sure was a most generous
offer? If so, is he working out? Has his
personality quirks surfaced yet? Because you know they
will and I bet the office bitch already hates him.
Listen, I'm easy. I get along with everyone. If
this new guy is starting to get annoying, fire him now
before he sexually harasses someone.
Even if he's not working out, you said your needs might
change. That was two weeks ago. Have they
changed? I'm still available. The good news is
that I revised my resume and made it even more
awesome. Its attached. Please give it to Mr.
Smith to review. I know he's soooo busy he doesn't
even have time to sign the letters you write for him, but if
there is any way you can force him to read it, I'd really
appreciate it. I will definitely remember this when
I'm hired and you need a favor. I'm good for it, I
swear.
I look forward to hearing from either you or Mr.
Smith. I just ask that you don't call me pretending to
be Mr. Smith. I can live with a stamped signature, but
that would be just too weird. I hope you can
understand.
Very truly yours,
[sandawg]
TROLLING FOR JOBS, VOLUME 3
[In response to rejection letter sent via U.S. Mail]
--- On Mon, 4/18/11, [sandawg] wrote:
From: [sandawg]
Subject: Associate Position
To: j********@****law.com
Date: Monday, April 18, 2011, 10:17 PM
[I had no idea whether the person I was writing to was male or female]
Dear Mrs. *********,
I received your letter dated April 4, 2011, wherein you
explained that (1) your firm is "in the process of making an
offer to another candidate," and (2) you will keep my resume
on file and contact me should your "needs change."
I said it was YOUR letter because although Mr. Smith
allegedly signed it, I can tell that it was a stamped
signature. Since your initials are included underneath
the stamp, I just decided to forgo an explanation and simply
comment that it was YOUR letter. I only mention this
to demonstrate my attention to detail, which was apparently
overlooked the first time you read my resume. Did Mr.
Smith even read my resume, or do you READ everything for
him, too?
When YOU wrote me the letter, Mrs. ********, you said you
were "in the process of making an offer to another
candidate." That was two weeks ago, so my first
question is how did that process work out? Did the
candidate accept what I'm sure was a most generous
offer? If so, is he working out? Has his
personality quirks surfaced yet? Because you know they
will and I bet the office bitch already hates him.
Listen, I'm easy. I get along with everyone. If
this new guy is starting to get annoying, fire him now
before he sexually harasses someone.
Even if he's not working out, you said your needs might
change. That was two weeks ago. Have they
changed? I'm still available. The good news is
that I revised my resume and made it even more
awesome. Its attached. Please give it to Mr.
Smith to review. I know he's soooo busy he doesn't
even have time to sign the letters you write for him, but if
there is any way you can force him to read it, I'd really
appreciate it. I will definitely remember this when
I'm hired and you need a favor. I'm good for it, I
swear.
I look forward to hearing from either you or Mr.
Smith. I just ask that you don't call me pretending to
be Mr. Smith. I can live with a stamped signature, but
that would be just too weird. I hope you can
understand.
Very truly yours,
[sandawg]
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sandawg
Member
Thanks for the positive feedback, I wasn't sure if anyone would think they were funny or not. This was the only website that I even contemplated posting them on.
I have a couple of friends that are software engineers and I'm going to ask one of them to help me build a website so I can post the others.
I have a couple of friends that are software engineers and I'm going to ask one of them to help me build a website so I can post the others.
sandawg
Member
Thanks, I'll check both of those out. Do you see any benefit from creating a website over a blog? I really don't know what the distinction is.
Edit: besides the obvious fact that a blog is on someone else's website. I'm wondering if maybe blogspot would own the copyright to the material.
if you really wanted to create a business then a website would be the way to go.
with a blog its more dedicated to documenting subjects/ creative outlet, and if you wanted to generate revenue with a blog you would use ads on the sides. but thats only if you had a following.
a blog is a good way to start, its easy and free.
blogger(owned by google) has this page to report if anyone has violated your copyrighted material http://www.google.com/support/bin/request.py?contact_type=lr_dmca&product=blogger
I doubt they would try to infringe on that.
here is tumblr's http://www.tumblr.com/policy/en/terms_of_service
im not a copyright expert but most of the time you are pretty safe.
with a blog its more dedicated to documenting subjects/ creative outlet, and if you wanted to generate revenue with a blog you would use ads on the sides. but thats only if you had a following.
a blog is a good way to start, its easy and free.
blogger(owned by google) has this page to report if anyone has violated your copyrighted material http://www.google.com/support/bin/request.py?contact_type=lr_dmca&product=blogger
I doubt they would try to infringe on that.
here is tumblr's http://www.tumblr.com/policy/en/terms_of_service
im not a copyright expert but most of the time you are pretty safe.
sandawg
Member
I wish I could just forward them to someone and say, "Here. Put them all together, with all the rejection letters and resumes, don't redact anything (fuck 'em), and sell it on ibooks for 99 cents. Ready, go." Truth is, now that I have a job, all my energy is going to go into the job and I'm going to use my weekends to chill, now that they have value again.
sandawg
Member
VOLUME 4
VOLUME 4
Because I love you fucking stoners so much, here's one more. Another response to a rejection letter with some running jokes:
[I don’t have the original employment ad for this one, because by the end of January 2011, the line between me trying to be clever and me trying to be a troll was somewhat blurred . . . ]
--- On Wed, 1/26/11, [sandawg] wrote:
From: [sandawg]
Subject: Associate Attorney
To: ******@**********.com
Date: Wednesday, January 26, 2011, 11:50 AM
Dear Hiring Partner,
During my last interview, I was asked my opinion of the "perfect job." I responded that the perfect job allows me to (a) wear the cap of a crusader, (b) pay back my student loans, and (c) have a good work/life balance. I have to admit I bombed that interview, but I stand by my answer.
Your employment ad is very appealing and I hope the qualifications on my attached resume have earned me the opportunity for an interview. I look forward to hearing from you.
Very truly yours,
[sandawg]
_________________________________________________________________________
--- On Wed, 1/26/11, Angela ****** <******@******.com wrote:
From: Angela ****** <******@******.com
Subject: RE: Associate Attorney
To: [sandawg]
Date: Wednesday, January 26, 2011, 6:20 PM
[sandawg]:
Thank you for your response. I will distribute your
resume accordingly.
Sincerely,
Angela ******
Legal Assistant to **********
[Stuffy Law Firm]
A Professional Corporation
*********************
Sacramento, CA 95814
Telephone: (916) xxx-xxxx
Facsimile: (916) xxx-xxxx
***********************************************************
The information transmitted is intended for the person or
entity to whom it is addressed and may contain confidential
and/or privileged material. Any review, transmission,
dissemination or other use of, or taking of any action in
reliance upon this information by persons or entities other
than the intended recipient is prohibited. If you received
this message in error, please contact the sender and delete
the material from any computer.
___________________________________________________________
[every rejection letter I received in the mail I would cross-reference with my 'Sent' email folder and then check to see if it was in response to a real application or a troll one and saved them all]
From: [sandawg]
Subject: Associate Attorney
To: ******@**********.com
Date: Monday, April 18, 2011, 11:49 PM
[in response to rejection letter via U.S. Mail dated 02-23-11]
Dear Ms. Angela,
First, I would like to thank you for actually forwarding my resume, as promised (see your email [above]). That is very impressive. You know, on the Coast, people just tend to say that, but they really just throw the resumes in the garbage.
But I actually got a rejection letter from a partner, Mrs. Miller herself. Not only that, but she signed it herself in ink! I know this because I always wet my finger and smear the signature. If you ever need an expert witness to confirm whether Mrs. Miller signs her letters herself with real ink, I would be happy to testify for a reasonable fee (and travel expenses, of course).
I'm also wondering if the new associate is working out. Office politics, amirite? I know how to play them, however, because I have watched every single episode of Survivor since the second season. I'll tell you my secret if you promise to give my revised two-page resume to Mrs. Miller. I know you are good for your word, after all, you forwarded my first, crappy, one-page resume just like you said you would.
OK, here is my secret: be nice to everyone except the office bitch. Once I figure out who the office bitch is, I just start trash talking her to everyone. Pretty soon, everyone loves me and I get promoted to partner. That's the plan, anyways.
So please promise to distribute my NEW, REVISED, TWO-PAGE, KILLER resume and I should be hopefully expecting a call for an interview very soon.
Thanks so much (I won't forget this),
[sandawg]
VOLUME 4
Because I love you fucking stoners so much, here's one more. Another response to a rejection letter with some running jokes:
[I don’t have the original employment ad for this one, because by the end of January 2011, the line between me trying to be clever and me trying to be a troll was somewhat blurred . . . ]
--- On Wed, 1/26/11, [sandawg] wrote:
From: [sandawg]
Subject: Associate Attorney
To: ******@**********.com
Date: Wednesday, January 26, 2011, 11:50 AM
Dear Hiring Partner,
During my last interview, I was asked my opinion of the "perfect job." I responded that the perfect job allows me to (a) wear the cap of a crusader, (b) pay back my student loans, and (c) have a good work/life balance. I have to admit I bombed that interview, but I stand by my answer.
Your employment ad is very appealing and I hope the qualifications on my attached resume have earned me the opportunity for an interview. I look forward to hearing from you.
Very truly yours,
[sandawg]
_________________________________________________________________________
--- On Wed, 1/26/11, Angela ****** <******@******.com wrote:
From: Angela ****** <******@******.com
Subject: RE: Associate Attorney
To: [sandawg]
Date: Wednesday, January 26, 2011, 6:20 PM
[sandawg]:
Thank you for your response. I will distribute your
resume accordingly.
Sincerely,
Angela ******
Legal Assistant to **********
[Stuffy Law Firm]
A Professional Corporation
*********************
Sacramento, CA 95814
Telephone: (916) xxx-xxxx
Facsimile: (916) xxx-xxxx
***********************************************************
The information transmitted is intended for the person or
entity to whom it is addressed and may contain confidential
and/or privileged material. Any review, transmission,
dissemination or other use of, or taking of any action in
reliance upon this information by persons or entities other
than the intended recipient is prohibited. If you received
this message in error, please contact the sender and delete
the material from any computer.
___________________________________________________________
[every rejection letter I received in the mail I would cross-reference with my 'Sent' email folder and then check to see if it was in response to a real application or a troll one and saved them all]
From: [sandawg]
Subject: Associate Attorney
To: ******@**********.com
Date: Monday, April 18, 2011, 11:49 PM
[in response to rejection letter via U.S. Mail dated 02-23-11]
Dear Ms. Angela,
First, I would like to thank you for actually forwarding my resume, as promised (see your email [above]). That is very impressive. You know, on the Coast, people just tend to say that, but they really just throw the resumes in the garbage.
But I actually got a rejection letter from a partner, Mrs. Miller herself. Not only that, but she signed it herself in ink! I know this because I always wet my finger and smear the signature. If you ever need an expert witness to confirm whether Mrs. Miller signs her letters herself with real ink, I would be happy to testify for a reasonable fee (and travel expenses, of course).
I'm also wondering if the new associate is working out. Office politics, amirite? I know how to play them, however, because I have watched every single episode of Survivor since the second season. I'll tell you my secret if you promise to give my revised two-page resume to Mrs. Miller. I know you are good for your word, after all, you forwarded my first, crappy, one-page resume just like you said you would.
OK, here is my secret: be nice to everyone except the office bitch. Once I figure out who the office bitch is, I just start trash talking her to everyone. Pretty soon, everyone loves me and I get promoted to partner. That's the plan, anyways.
So please promise to distribute my NEW, REVISED, TWO-PAGE, KILLER resume and I should be hopefully expecting a call for an interview very soon.
Thanks so much (I won't forget this),
[sandawg]
stumpy mcgee
Member
like the style man..excatly the kind of thing I would do....
That's funny.
I've always said a girl with fake breasts walking down the street has lied to you before you even meet her.
I also say that if I get to touch 'em they are real.
