The Ol'Mother And Daughter Cliche'

[SkyRose]

My daughter turned 18 a while ago now and the other night we had a major blow out. Yes, she still lives under my roof and I have set the ground rules, but she has not been following them and there's been alot of lying. I really hate using the phrase "As long as you're under my roof, it's my way or you can get out!!", because the normal response would be, "OK, I'm leaving then". Needless to say, that was the response I got. Personally, I don't think she's ready for the real world and still has a lot to learn and I pretty much let her do what she wants, because I figure the best way to learn life, is to live it.

(whisper,whisper) What's that?

(whisper,whisper) Yes, she's 18.

(whisper,whisper) Come again?

(whisper,whisper) Well I guess you're right, I don't look that old. :wink:

Anyway......the other night......
Words were said, things were thrown and everybody else headed for the hills
It was pretty bad. This is not fun for me and it's getting harder to deal with.
Any thoughts, opinions, advice --- would be very nice.

Yes, I've been rolling quite a few fatty's lately ......

 

[Guest]

she is still to young to hit the road. Take the family somewhere on vaction that she will not say no to, treate her equal and when you get her lossened up (after a few days), talk through your issues and come to a mutal agreement on the future. Thats the only advice i can give, i hope it helps.

 

[Guest]

WoW honey.... Those are the days that I am not looking forward to at all... However I have surely been on the other end of the spectrum with the Mother-Daughter thing... I do know this, No matter what you cannot break that Mother-Daughter bond, it's always there... My Mother didn't raise me all the time and even as bad as I wanted to hate her growing up, she was still my Mother and there is a bond there.

How do you let your baby go out into the world, when there is so much hurt and bad people out there....Scares the shit out'a me... and I have a boy. SO with a girl, OM gosh SkyRose, very nerve racking I am sure... Where is she going? Is it a guy? Is it curfew? The lying would get me too! I don't put up with that crap, but still I wouldn't know how to stop it, if it starts... (and I am sure, it will at some time)

BUT! You and I both know she will need you...
and I guess, we as parents just have to be there when they do screw up and need us

and Lord No!
you don't look old enough to have a daughter that old! My goodness, how did that happen?

Hang in there Hun

ms.G

 

[Guest]

Babe,
Yeah I got an Idea,always worked for dad,A good old fashioned ASS BEATING and then lay the law down,Momma once told me,if ya live under my roof it's my law,WHY is that so hard to do?She does nothing but lie,constantly,repeatedly,and without reservation.How many time can we find all this shit out and not do nothing about it?Of course its a dude,of course shes sexually active,of course shes smokin and jokin,thats what kids do,we did it rite,but the big dif is kids today dont have to pay for there actions.They got parents who did all these things too and HAD to tuff it outdoors and dont want to see there kids go thru it.I say fuck that,Ya gotta love your kids but ya dont have to put up with abuse,beat the shit outta her and throw her out the door,In life there are rules and there are consequinces,And of course she isnt ready for the world,were WE!Stop playin pity-pat its gettin on my nerves time for some tuff love,she'll be back once she see's the world for the rock it is,Unfortunately for you,ya cant START discipline at 18,for 6 years I been watchin and seein for what it is,you choose to ignore my thoughts on it cause they seem a little caluss to you,it causes nothing but arguments,I aint tryin to tell you how to raise your kid,THATS OVER,rite or wrong your job is done,shes soooo smart.....cut the string and wait for the grandkid I dont want,or BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA HER AND LAY THE LAW DOWN!
see ya later unless its fite nite then i'm stayin home!

 

[Jenna]

Daughters! <sigh> Sorry you are going through this SkyRose. My daughter is 17. All the rites, none of the responsibility.. that's pretty much what they want. Course that's what I want too but it didn't work out that way. Little girls can be the snottiest things on the planet. This is how things work in my world with my daughter. I couldn't imagine having the following conversation with my mom.. at 30, I was still waiting for the "sex" talk! LOL

Instilled values and morals. (I thought) Honesty is huge for me and in order to get honesty.. I had to relax. <She only became real honest when I stop mothering her decisions>

"Hey Mom.. doing "mush" tonight." <statement at breakfast>

"Mush? What the heck is Mush?"

"Mushrooms Mom."

"Mush? Shrooms you mean?"

"Yes Mother" < eyes rolling cuz Mom is so dense>

"Oh. Kewl.. Where? With who? Where ya getting it? need a ride?"<tempted to say over my dead body.. you are just a baby.. but I hold my tongue... k, I bite it>

She answers all my questions.. I tell her to be safe, and not to overdo. She calls during the evening and tells me the highlights. <she's ok.. i can breathe again> I remind her about her curfew and that I will be waiting up. She comes home on time and discusses her evening. She talks about two friends, one is on "E" and another does "Meth" regularly. All of a sudden, Shrooms don't seem so bad. She was given the option of doing "E" and "Meth". It was her decision, not mine and the kiddo chose "mush".

My job? Keep her breathin. Cover her butt if she really screws up, love her. The rest will take care of itself.

Not alot of advice in this post! Just thought I would share. If you figure out the answers SkyRose, let me know. I have 4 more daughters aging as we speak!

Jenna

 

[Babbabud]

We started smoking pot with our daughter when she graduated high school ... since then we have become buddies and share almost everything... we treat her as an equal and she acts like an adult. We helped her get her medical recommendation and its like having another best friend Since we have learned to share pot together it seems we have learned to share many other things including mutual respect. Im not saying we should all smoke pot with our kids ... my son doesnt smoke at all ....but for sure we need to find something to mutually share and it will bring us together Let your kids know they are good humans

 

[SkyRose]

How do you let your baby go out into the world, when there is so much hurt and bad people out there.... Scares the shit out'a me...

Scares the shit out'a me, also, and I don't want to send her out there. I always tell her that the world is a lot tougher than following a few ground rules that mom has set. I can only hope that she is really listening and heeding my advice.


OMG Jenna. And I thought I had my hands full. But, glad to hear she made the better choice. Can only hope my daughter will do the same.
Not sure if there is any right answers, but if I find one, I will let ya know. Good Luck.

We started smoking pot with our daughter

She does smoke, but I haven't brought myself to smokin' with her yet. I've been thinking about it, lately and I might have to try it. Maybe it will make us buds, also.

 

[Guest]

She's 18 ? Thats legal send her out here to me in So Cal I'll keep an eye on her and make sure she is safe

Please send her ASAP

These dishes are stackin up and the laundry needs doin.

 

[cough_cough_eer]

yeah, I too was on the other end of that spectrum. I moved out when I was 18, (becouse I was grounded and had plans for that weekend)Got me an apartment and got a taste of the real world.For the most part , it was a good experience, but I soon found out I couldn't afford to buy things or go out anymore. But maybe,let her get an apartment(provided shes not movin in with a boy) and let her work 2 jobs and see the stack of bills with her name on them.(ever notice your bills have the same "gettin in trouble name "that your mom called you when you were in big trouble)Let her find out how filling a mustard sandwich can be.

Good luck with her Skyrose, Im sure she will be just fine.

 

[Guest]

Mustard Sandwhich Why i could live for a month on a jar of peanut Butter

 

[SkyRose]

Thanks to all for their thoughts and opinions. Her and I finally had a civil conversation the other day , and I think we got some things cleared up.

Sharp_Pain - Dishes and laundry??? I have a tough time getting that stuff done around here.
But tell me, how safe would she be out in So Ca with you keepin' an eye on her? I can only imagine.........


cough_cough_eer - I was on the other side of that spectrum, also, when I was 17. I got pretty tired of those dam Ramen Noodles. :smile:


Ol'Man Red - Hi Honey Nice

and Lord No!
you don't look old enough to have a daughter that old! My goodness, how did that happen?

Woke up one day and she was 18..... and I don't even know how that happened..... so fast.


Well, we're taking it one day at a time. After our heart to heart, things have been calmer... and she's been a little more honest with me..... (sigh of relief). I will keep ya posted.

 

[cough_cough_eer]

See, I told you shes gonna be just fine. :smile:

 

[SkyRose]

Here's an interesting quote I read today. I thought it appropriate, here.

Homes should be retreats to which sons and duaghters can return in triumph or defeat, in victory or disgrace, and know that they will be loved.

 

[Guest]

Homes should be retreats to which sons and duaghters can return in triumph or defeat, in victory or disgrace, and know that they will be loved.

and that is the way it should be, i believe anyway...

When I was 16 I had gone to my dad's for the summer and come back with a fake ID... a pretty dong-gone good one too.. it worked!.. so, my mom, even though she let me go to clubs and bars occasionally, she wanted control of the ID. Long story short.. I wouldn't give it up, we actually fought, and I went back to my dad's and didn't see or talk to my mom for nearly 2 years... There has been other times that I have gone long periods of time not talking or seeing either of my parents. I wish now, of course that they would have been better,more stable, but at the same time i wish I would not have been so stubborn.
Point being, I guess... everything we go through makes us who we are... but, I guess it would be nice to always know you had a safety net... And, now facing what we are with my Mom and her cancer, well,,,, ya can't get that time back.

So, I say love your child as much as you can, because the life will teach 'em the hard ones... You just have to try as best you can as parents to give them good decision making skills. I also believe that there is nothing, I repeat NOTHING that my child could ever do to make me kick them out, leave them, or shut them out of my life. Why?.. because that is exactly what happened to me.

Love'em all you can...

I truely hope the best for you and your daughter SkyRose. :smile:

 

[Guest]

Glad to hear things are going a little better!! this was my opinion on the situation:
This has to be a tough time and I cant tell you exactly what to do because I dont have any kids. But I personally think if she gives you the response "fine im out", then by all mean tell her to go ahead. The world is an ugly place and maybe she need a little taste. I think you should let her know that she always has a place to stay and you will love her nomatter what. But if she wants to stay in your house then she needs to respect your beliefs. If she moves out she will most likly want to move back soon. Even if she moves out and everything goes well for her then thats great, and Im sure your relationship will get even better. Keep your head up!! Im sure everything will be ok. You might think about smoking with her, might put you more on the friend side then the enemy side. Just my 2 cents though!!

 

[SkyRose]

Thanx all. Here's a little update.

We had a little back-sliding this past weekend and I was very disappointed with myself for being sucked in once more and those dreaded words came out of my mouth "GET OUT!!. You have one week!!" The look on her face was so undescribable
I felt so awful for saying it. But, of course I didn't really mean it and about 15 minutes later, I told her that she really didn't have to go. Anyway, I'll be dammed if I don't have a new kid this week. I think I scared her, but she's following my simple little ground rules, all the way, ever since.

Oh and by the way, attempted to smoke with her, yesterday, and SHE turned it down. Said she wasn't ready to do that with her mom, just yet.

More to come, I'm sure.

 

[Guest]

Kep us posted, Rose... :friends:

 

[Jenna]

Here's my two cents..

While the "mom" in you felt horrible regret at your words to your daughter.. the parent in you set some behavoural bounderies for her. Wow, awesome! i think you taught her that even us mom's deserve a bit of respect. I may just put that in my tickle trunk in case I need it someday.

Jenna

 

[SkyRose]

Here's another quote stumbled upon today.

Mothers write on the hearts of their children, what the world's rough hand cannot erase.

I may just put that in my tickle trunk in case I need it someday.

Working like a charm.... so far.

 

[Guest]

NOTHING that my child could ever do to make me kick them out

ya know, upon futher reflection, that statement is a tad naive.
I don't even have a young adult, yet... so really, how can I say that for sure

We know a couple that their son took $500.00 from them when they were not home... this kid was not living with them, but now is not allowed at their house when no one is home. and this really got me to thinkin' What would I do?.... Of course I guess I'll never really know until/if that situation arises... But, I'm pretty sure that I would absolutely threaten it!! my bark is much worse than my bite, as far as he is concerned... I just hope he don't figure it that out too soon!

AnYwaY... point being... Looking back on the journey of parenting, and thinking about the future, I guess there really is no way of knowing what you will do in any given situation, until you're there... :smile: