The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[Max Yields]

This one's for all you holiday "romantics" out there.

What's better than roses on a piano??











Tulips on your organ.

 

[dansbuds]

Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor living it large - break
dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned
him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!

Its a copy & paste ... but i thought it was good

 

[dddaver]

So I was lying in bed with my wife , watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I looked over at her and asked if she wanted to have sex. She said no. I said, Is that you final answer? she said yes, that's my final answer NO!, I said if that's the case I would like to phone a friend. That's when the fight started.

 

[Hank Hemp]

I told my wife that.

I told my wife that.

This one's for all you holiday "romantics" out there.

What's better than roses on a piano??











Tulips on your organ.

And she asked if I had looked in her box. HUH? Y'll think I'll have a merry Yule?

 

[im me]

Jimmie's teacher asks him if there's three birds on a wire and you shoot one how many birds are left? Jimmy says none as soon as shoot one the rest will fly away. Teacher says well that's not the answer I was looking for.but I like the way you're thinking. Jimmy says I.have a question for you there's three women eating ice cream cones ones licking it ones hitting it and ones sucking it how.do.you know Wichita one is.married the teacher replies well I guess the one sucking it Jimmy says no but I like the way your thinking.

 

[NEW ENGLAND]

3 kids were at the playground one afternoon when 1 of the kids started bragging about
his dad,saying "my father used to be an NFL player,he's so fast he can punt the ball,run down the field and catch it before it hits the ground.
The 2nd kid says"Oh yeah,my fathers so fast ,he used to be an archer,he can shoot an arrow and run and catch it before it hits its target".
The 3rd kid says"Hey guys that aint nothing,my dad works for the city,and he punches out
at 3pm and is home drinking a beer by 2:45"

 

[Hank Hemp]

20 different ways

20 different ways

Q: Why is a (subsitute any entity you like) brain the size of a pea?

I mistakenly used women's on my first post and was subsequently flamed and crucified, but it is a good one liner.

A: Because its swollen.

and it's still not funny.

 

[im me]

Why does the blonde always fail her drivers test?
Cause everytime the car stops she jumps in the backseat

 

[im me]

How do Polish people play Russian roulette?
with a automatic



.......no.disrespect intended to any Polish person here..

 

[Max Yields]

And she asked if I had looked in her box. HUH? Y'll think I'll have a merry Yule?

Maybe she is hinting at wanting you to do something to her "box"??

I guess it's not funny to everyone, it seems to just fly over their heads sometimes & yes a merry Yule can still be had. "Show" her the joke & act it out for her or vice versa however you might seem fit.

 

[Harry Gypsna]

2 Nuns are sharing a bath and one says
"Where's the soap"
and the other Nun replies
"Yes I know"

 

[dddaver]

2 Nuns are sharing a bath and one says
"Where's the soap"
and the other Nun replies
"Yes I know"

Huh? Please enlighten us stupid people.

 

[bench warmer]

2 Nuns are sharing a bath and one says
"Where's the soap"
and the other Nun replies
"Yes I know"

Huh? Please enlighten us stupid people.

"Where's" or "wears out" the soap?

 

[amfumuriincap]

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?





A: Drug Abuse.

 

[amfumuriincap]

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.''

After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.

After hesitating, they all did it.

''Next,'' the professor said, ''you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.'

 

[amfumuriincap]

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)

A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
B: Still no idea.

 

[amfumuriincap]

OK, so… it’s Jesus and he sees that planet earth is going down the drain and the reason is because so many people die because of something called… drugs. So he has to know about this kind of shit so he calls all the Apostles and tells them that they have to go down to earth to see for themselves what is going on and then go back to Heaven and report to Jesus… The Apostles go to different places on earth and after some time they come back to report what they saw. John comes and Jesus asks him “What did you find Johnny boy?” John: “I’ve got some funny stuff, that’s called hash…” Jesus: “Oh yeah? Let me try it to see what makes people like it…” he tries it and… he likes it! Then Paul comes with some cocaine… Jesus tries it and he likes that too!!! Then comes Peter with some LSD and Jesus is fucking stoned… He tries all kinds of dope from each and every one of the Apostles and in the end he welcomes Judas with a huge stoned smile… “Sssooooo….. Judas, my brother” he says, “What did you bring?” Judas: “Err… I brought the cops…”

 

[avant gardener]

a priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see a boy about 12 years old walking across the street.

the priest says, "hey rabbi, what do you say we go fuck that little kid?"

rabbi says, "out of what?"

 

[Hank Hemp]

A couple pages back

A couple pages back

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)

A: What do you call a dead deer with no legs, eyes?
B: Still no idea.

What do u call a deer with no legs, no eyes, no ball?

Not a regular are you?

 

[amfumuriincap]

What is the difference between politicians and stoners?

Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.