What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you told her the first two times.
Nothing you told her the first two times.
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G
greenmatter
Allah, Ganesha and Jehova are out bar hopping through the galaxy one night when Jehova says....
" guys this bar is kind of a burn out lets go somewhere else"
Allah pipes up and says "lets hit Alpha Centary man , great bars over that way"
Ganesha says " true that, but i was there a while ago and some minor deity thay i don't even know starts talking smack ...... i warned about fucking with someone with 2 sets of arms but he would not listen, so i beat his ass for him and fucked up a couple bouncers too. i'm banned for about another 3000 years"
they all order another drink, and Ganesha says ......
"what about the Dog Star man? best strip clubs this side of the milky way"
Allah chimes in and says...
"yeah, but the strippers there just don't do it for me ...... the 3 or 5 titty thing just fucks with me, i don't know who came up with it, but i just like the symmetry of two. i'm old fashioned i guess"
they all mumble "yeah bad design, somebody smoked lunch that day" and order another shot
Ganesha stands up and says ...
" i got it! lets go to earth! none of us have been there for a while. i know the place was kick ass back in the day!"
Jehova shakes his head and says
"i was there a couple thousand years ago and hooked it up with that little jewish hotty ..... and those idiots STILL have weekly meetings about it. fuck that place! "
" guys this bar is kind of a burn out lets go somewhere else"
Allah pipes up and says "lets hit Alpha Centary man , great bars over that way"
Ganesha says " true that, but i was there a while ago and some minor deity thay i don't even know starts talking smack ...... i warned about fucking with someone with 2 sets of arms but he would not listen, so i beat his ass for him and fucked up a couple bouncers too. i'm banned for about another 3000 years"
they all order another drink, and Ganesha says ......
"what about the Dog Star man? best strip clubs this side of the milky way"
Allah chimes in and says...
"yeah, but the strippers there just don't do it for me ...... the 3 or 5 titty thing just fucks with me, i don't know who came up with it, but i just like the symmetry of two. i'm old fashioned i guess"
they all mumble "yeah bad design, somebody smoked lunch that day" and order another shot
Ganesha stands up and says ...
" i got it! lets go to earth! none of us have been there for a while. i know the place was kick ass back in the day!"
Jehova shakes his head and says
"i was there a couple thousand years ago and hooked it up with that little jewish hotty ..... and those idiots STILL have weekly meetings about it. fuck that place! "
Weed-Luver
Member
roses are red
violets are shiney
you look like
an ELEPHANTS HINEY!!!!
violets are shiney
you look like
an ELEPHANTS HINEY!!!!
1
187020
Another name for a jewish homosexual
Another name for a jewish homosexual
Heblew!
Another name for a jewish homosexual
Heblew!
A blond cop pulls over a blond driver & asks for her I.D.
She cannot find it, and the cop asks do you have anything with your picture on it.
The driver pulls out her compact mirror & says I have this & hands it to the cop.
The cop looks in the mirror & replies, if I had known you were a police officer I never would have pulled you over.
She cannot find it, and the cop asks do you have anything with your picture on it.
The driver pulls out her compact mirror & says I have this & hands it to the cop.
The cop looks in the mirror & replies, if I had known you were a police officer I never would have pulled you over.
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Superstone
Member
Why did the farmer cross the road?
His pecker was inside the chicken!
His pecker was inside the chicken!
A drunk man comes home late at night with a duck under his arm. His angry wife opens the door and says, "Where the hell have you been?".
The man says, "Look, this is the pig I've been fucking."
His wife screams, "That's a fucking duck."
He says, "I was talking to the duck."
The man says, "Look, this is the pig I've been fucking."
His wife screams, "That's a fucking duck."
He says, "I was talking to the duck."
OK, here's one of my favorites I'll repeat.
Little Johnny went up to his father and said, 'Dad, the teacher gave us an assignment to determine the difference between potentially and realistically. Can you help me?'
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So little Johnny went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
Little Johnny then went to his sister and asked , 'Would you sleepwith Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my Gosh! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat , are you nuts?!!'
Little Johnny then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?'
Little Johnny pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?' Little Johnny replied, 'Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars......... but Realistically, we're living with two sluts and a fag.'
G
greenmatter
a guy winds up getting his dick cut off in an industrial accident. the wife sticks with him but after a few months lets him know that she is not real happy with the situation
he finally finds a doctor in india the is grafting the trunk of fetal elephants onto people and having a 99% success rate so he buys a plane ticket
in a month he is back and the wife likes the new situation so much they spend a week in bed
the first dinner out they are sitting with the in-laws when the little elephant trunk comes up on the table, starts feeling round on his plate, grabs a potato and disappears.
his mother in law looks shocked, but smiles wickedly and says " can you do that again?"
the guys groans and says " i'm not sure my asshole is big enough for 2 potatoes"
***************
i'm trying HH
he finally finds a doctor in india the is grafting the trunk of fetal elephants onto people and having a 99% success rate so he buys a plane ticket
in a month he is back and the wife likes the new situation so much they spend a week in bed
the first dinner out they are sitting with the in-laws when the little elephant trunk comes up on the table, starts feeling round on his plate, grabs a potato and disappears.
his mother in law looks shocked, but smiles wickedly and says " can you do that again?"
the guys groans and says " i'm not sure my asshole is big enough for 2 potatoes"
***************
i'm trying HH
G
greenmatter
^^^^^^ so about 6 or 7 ...... right?
LOL...depends on which country your in I suppose.
In the US 15 old bill would Taser it to death.
The ZIPPER - If this one doesn't make you laugh.....
[]
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
[]
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
[]
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
[]
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
[]
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
[]
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
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Tough crowd...lol 
