FrankRizzo
Listen to me jerky
not a bad idea
..scratches chin...
nice one
hahah thats funny as hell!
backwoodburner
Member
Gotta love a good herb joke!
S
ScrogHog
tngreen said:
Yeah i thought it was great so i had to pass it on.
Help spread the good cheer!!!!!!!!
Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it.
This is why a new holiday has been created.
Aug. 20th will now be known as 'Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck Up Day.'
Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it.
This is why a new holiday has been created.
Aug. 20th will now be known as 'Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck Up Day.'
C
cellardweller
actually around here March 14th is Steak -n- BJ day!!Stoner4Life said:
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...
Last edited:
C
cellardweller
Thats a good one man. LOLcellardweller said:
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk just ignores him.
After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down, he notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how in the hell do you guys ever have sex?" Slowly a sly smile spread across the aliens face as he continued poking the drunks shoulder.......
After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down, he notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how in the hell do you guys ever have sex?" Slowly a sly smile spread across the aliens face as he continued poking the drunks shoulder.......
C
cellardweller
a guy walks into a strip club
the sign reads:
Hand jobs: $20
Cheese Sandwich: $2
he walks up to the female bartender and says are you the one that gives the handjobs?
yes. she purrs.
better wash your fuckin hands bitch im hungry as fuck
the sign reads:
Hand jobs: $20
Cheese Sandwich: $2
he walks up to the female bartender and says are you the one that gives the handjobs?
yes. she purrs.
better wash your fuckin hands bitch im hungry as fuck
A wife arrived home and found her husband in bed with another woman.
With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice.
Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw.
Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! You aren't going to cut it off, are you?"
Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fire to the shed. You do whatever you have to do!"
With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice.
Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw.
Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! You aren't going to cut it off, are you?"
Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fire to the shed. You do whatever you have to do!"
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by a cop for speeding. After he tells the driver of his offense he notices a few odd items in the speeders back seat, "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Lets see you do it, impress me and I won't write you up for your speeding offense." The juggler quickly gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "Am I ever glad I quit drinking, look at the roadside sobriety test they're giving now!"
One for the Brits.......
One for the Brits.......
While proudly showing off his new apartment to his pub friends late one night the drunk had led the way to his bedroom where he had a big brass gong hanging. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guys asked. "Well, that's my talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the drunk said as he gave it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Ohhhh! for fuck sake you wanker, it's 1:45 in the fucking morning!!!"
One for the Brits.......
While proudly showing off his new apartment to his pub friends late one night the drunk had led the way to his bedroom where he had a big brass gong hanging. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guys asked. "Well, that's my talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the drunk said as he gave it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Ohhhh! for fuck sake you wanker, it's 1:45 in the fucking morning!!!"
Youve gotta admit, its a pretty stupid language. Id hate to be a foreigner trying to learn it. Heres 21 reasons why English is a pain in the ass.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean. John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?' His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get them.Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?' Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as
clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted .
'COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!'
This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean. John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?' His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get them.Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?' Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as
clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted .
'COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!'
Latest posts
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question for sam the skunkman on the original haze- Latest: mexcurandero420
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Latest posts
-
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question for sam the skunkman on the original haze
- Latest: mexcurandero420
-
