Peanut.
Peanut who?
Pee, Nut!
The bed's on fire!
[Insert Laugh Track]
The bed's on fire!
[Insert Laugh Track]
know the difference between a politician and a carp? one of them is a universally hated over-populated invasive bottom feeding ugly-ass parasite, and the other is an edible fish...
Man pulls a gun to rob a guy and says, give me your money! The man says, you can't rob me I am a politician, Robber says ok then give me MY Money!
Ghost Story When I was about nine years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life kid; be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it." Then he passed his hand over my head and left. My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me! I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly. I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone. I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years. I saw many psychologists and endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years. It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear. 14 Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The bastard had a twin..:jawdrop:
The bastard had a twin..:jawdrop:
M
member 505892
Check out some Qanon forums.... absolutely no weirdos at all in there....
If you do these for 30 days you will be unrecognizable
-sleep 8+ hours
-drink 2L of water a day (high ph if possible)
-get sun daily
-no sugar
-read for 30 mins a day
-workout 3x / week
-capture someone, cut their face off and sew it onto your face
-meditate for 10 mins daily
-sleep 8+ hours
-drink 2L of water a day (high ph if possible)
-get sun daily
-no sugar
-read for 30 mins a day
-workout 3x / week
-capture someone, cut their face off and sew it onto your face
-meditate for 10 mins daily
God Visited a woman and told her she must give up drinking, smoking and sex if she wanted to get into heaven.
The woman said she would try her best.
God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.
“ Not bad” said the woman “I’ve given up drinking, smoking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, pulled my skirt up, pulled my nickers to one side and made love to me right then and there”.
“They don’t like that in heaven” said God.
The woman replied: “They’re not too happy about it in Lidl either”!
The woman said she would try her best.
God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.
“ Not bad” said the woman “I’ve given up drinking, smoking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, pulled my skirt up, pulled my nickers to one side and made love to me right then and there”.
“They don’t like that in heaven” said God.
The woman replied: “They’re not too happy about it in Lidl either”!
stoner gets busted for possession, goes before a judge & is found guilty, as usual. being led from the courtroom, he mumbles "what a fucking dickhead!" judge has him brought back into court & threatens to put him in for contempt of court. guy apologizes & says "i'm sorry for saying that, your honor. and i understand why it pissed you off. but, can you punish me for what i THINK?" judge says "no, of course not. i can't do that..." guy says "well, i think you're a fucking dickhead..."
Change…follow,the science...................... but not politically correct
Know thy source.......
The Indians on a remote reservation in Northern Alberta asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.
When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the Winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the Winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went on the phone and called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming Winter going to be cold?’
‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold Winter?’
‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold Winter.’
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the Chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?’
‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest Winters we’ve ever seen.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'.
Know thy source.......
The Indians on a remote reservation in Northern Alberta asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.
When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the Winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the Winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went on the phone and called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming Winter going to be cold?’
‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold Winter?’
‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold Winter.’
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the Chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?’
‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest Winters we’ve ever seen.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'.
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Yo momma's so fat she bought a computer just so she could eat the copy/pasta.
A drummer just had twin girls, he named them Anna1 and Anna2.
