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The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

Hank Hemp

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I've got a couple of good Jesus jokes but it's pretty close to Christmas. Yule remind me after the holidays OK? That wasn't one of them.
 

5th

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You can't walk into a thread like this and tell us our jokes stink ...just to walk out and leave a steamer like #2921 on the table. If we gotta up the ante....you've gotta up the ante. :tiphat:
 

5th

Active member
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I'll admit it wasn't "A" material...but it was a hellova lot funnier then a seasonal pun.
 

Stonefree69

Veg & Flower Station keeper
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Only Ornamental

Spiritually inspired agnostic mad scientist
Veteran
I've got a couple of good Jesus jokes but it's pretty close to Christmas. Yule remind me after the holidays OK? That wasn't one of them.

WTF Hank?! I HATE Xmas so stop boasting and tell them!!

And since when do you care on whose feet you step?
It's just jokes and likely those careing for Christmas are on shoping tour, singing in the mall or organising the family party but certainly not reading in a joke tread...

Besides, Jesus was born not until Christmas (well, some thousand years back some dudes displaced his presumable birth from somewhere in summer to replace a Germanic winter holiday). Hence, telling jokes before won't hurt more than telling them after (besides, afterwards comes Easter and so on and you still could't tell them or what?).
 

Stonefree69

Veg & Flower Station keeper
Veteran

WTF Hank?! I HATE Xmas so stop boasting and tell them!!

And since when do you care on whose feet you step?
It's just jokes and likely those careing for Christmas are on shoping tour, singing in the mall or organising the family party but certainly not reading in a joke tread...

Besides, Jesus was born not until Christmas (well, some thousand years back some dudes displaced his presumable birth from somewhere in summer to replace a Germanic winter holiday). Hence, telling jokes before won't hurt more than telling them after (besides, afterwards comes Easter and so on and you still could't tell them or what?).
That's the spirit!

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Only Ornamental

Spiritually inspired agnostic mad scientist
Veteran
@Stonefree69: Did you know that the bearded red-and-white vested Santa Claus got only so popular because of the Coca Cola advertisements (in the '30)? IMHO That's a joke in itself...
 

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Stonefree69

Veg & Flower Station keeper
Veteran
@Stonefree69: Did you know that the bearded red-and-white vested Santa Claus got only so popular because of the Coca Cola advertisements (in the '30)? IMHO That's a joke in itself...


WTF Hank?! I HATE Xmas so stop boasting and tell them!!

And since when do you care on whose feet you step?
It's just jokes and likely those careing for Christmas are on shoping tour, singing in the mall or organising the family party but certainly not reading in a joke tread...

Besides, Jesus was born not until Christmas (well, some thousand years back some dudes displaced his presumable birth from somewhere in summer to replace a Germanic winter holiday). Hence, telling jokes before won't hurt more than telling them after (besides, afterwards comes Easter and so on and you still could't tell them or what?).
It's the giving that counts I guess. But you've stated the facts.

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Christmas figures became popular mainly from commercialization. "Robert L. May created Rudolph in 1939 as an assignment for Montgomery Ward."
 

Hank Hemp

Active member
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My dear Stone, let me say a few words before the much more knowledgeable Only O butts in. Our Yule tree is Heathen not pagan. Being of North and Western Celtic and Germanic stock it's important to us. As you well know O.O. will correct us. I believe he wants to hear my Jesus jokes and is trying to goad me into telling them and he's(?) almost there.
That pic of Lenny Bruce makes him look a bit like a Nazi doesn't it?
 

trichrider

Kiss My Ring
Veteran
This is good advice for the holidays.





With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you may know, some have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something that I've never done before, I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
 

Hank Hemp

Active member
Veteran
See old Santa

See old Santa

@Stonefree69: Did you know that the bearded red-and-white vested Santa Claus got only so popular because of the Coca Cola advertisements (in the '30)? IMHO That's a joke in itself...

He's scratching his head wondering what happened to the Bourbon and ice to go along with the coke!! Pour Santa. :comfort:

Will y'all stop goading me to keep pulling Only O.'s leg. 5 of you's to many. Besides Jesus jokes are more of a Easter time thing don't y'all think?
OK, OK, just one, no more PM's Jesus H.(Hank) Christ give a guy a break, here goes.

One day on a Friday during passover Peter is walking along the road outside the gates of Jerusalem. He hears someone call his name from the top of the hill, Peter, Peter. Peter looks up and JC's getting crucified on a cross. He call's out I coming lord. He gets close but a roman soldier throws him back. JC calls again Peter, Peter, I'm coming lord Peter calls out but he gets to the top and is repulsed once again. Peter, Peter, JC calls again. Peter storms to the top again wraps his arms around the cross and calls out I'm here lord I'm here. To which Jesus calls Peter, Peter, I can see your house from up here.

I don't care who you are that's funny!! Worth the wait wasn't it Only O??
 
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Only Ornamental

Spiritually inspired agnostic mad scientist
Veteran
Oh, poooor Hank, that joke's a rather miserable copy of an earlier post in here :cry:
But at least you tried...

Well, I can't pest around without posting something myself. But the only Jesus joke I recall right now isn't that funny...

So, Joseph led Jesus to Mary Magdalene cause his errr... 'stepson' never had a shag. Joseph waited outside, sipping mint tea, when all of a sudden Mary Magdalene came running out of the brothel screaming and crying. Joseph tried to ask her what went wrong but she was so devastated, she just kept on screaming, crying and running. So, Joseph entered the shanty and found JC sitting on the bed with a rather irritated look on his face. Joseph asked him what happened when JC replied 'Well, I'm not really sure... She took of her clothes, spread her legs and showed me her cleft. Next thing I know, she starts screaming and crying and runs off just after I'd healed it.'

P.S.
I believe he wants to hear my Jesus jokes and is trying to goad me into telling them
Ya-ya-nag-nag... you're right... but I still believe that you simply search excuses and try to distract me :tongue:
 

Only Ornamental

Spiritually inspired agnostic mad scientist
Veteran
Just remembered another one:

What's the difference between Jesus and Hank (or any other (possibly still) sexually active man)?







The facial expression while nailing.
 

Only Ornamental

Spiritually inspired agnostic mad scientist
Veteran
3 reasons why Jesus must have been a student:
- He had long hair
- He lived with his parents
- And when he did something, it was a miracle
 

Hank Hemp

Active member
Veteran
Gees double aught

Gees double aught

Just remembered another one:

What's the difference between Jesus and Hank (or any other (possibly still) sexually active man)?







The facial expression while nailing.

My gal friend says I look more like Jack Nicholson in the shining. :ying:
 

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