So people must think Im a total asshole or weirdo or something...

[bicycle racer]

I have done a lot of thinking on these matters over the years.
I am also a recluse.

For the most part, people (when gathered) simply bounce ideals and beliefs off of others to see what is "ok" to be "down with". They do not think for themselves and will not admit to it. It is easy to watch them at parties/gatherings doing exactly as I said. They find comfort in being similar minded with each other.

Then when someone free willed, open minded and outspoken speaks up, they all kind of get nervous of the guy who doesn't care about being socially chastised. They will avoid "at all costs" being associated with an individual who is actually behaving as an individual as opposed to someone who does everything under the sun to "fit in". This is group think and it is group behavior. Welcome to the World where one's ego and fitting in are the most important aspects of daily life.

This is why I am a recluse, by choice. Why would I "improve social skills" when it means selling out my ideals to appear more like someone who will fit in and be accepted.
Fuck acceptance! It means nothing to me to be accepted by those who never even have their own ideals!

I was lucky enough to be born with a low susceptibility to suggestion. I use MY mind to decide what I think not someone else's. If it is disturbing to someone, it is their problem they don't do the same.

Walking the path that is yours and yours alone is not an easy path, but it is YOUR path.

yep most minds are extremely weak and base there life on what they have been told/forced to believe very few are unaffected by this societal training that goes on all around us. i consider it a gift not to be asleep regarding truth. there are like minded individuals but there few and far between.

 

[bicycle racer]

People are overrated, lol. Give yourself some credit for being able to be alone. Some of the "popular" people can't stand to be alone with themselves.

Everyone isn't going to like you and everyone isn't going to want to be your friend. That said, you need to have someone in your life that you can lean on during tough times because the tough times will come, trust that. I'd rather have one solid, trustworthy friend than 1,000 crappy friends.

I agree that taking classes is a good way to get out there and meet some people. Most times, other people are just as shy, if not more shy, than you are. Being introverted isn't a crime, just remember that. Take a music class or a sculpting class or whatever.

When I was younger, I used to feel bad because I wasn't invited to certain parties and shit like that, but I've found that all that stuff didn't really matter in the long run. I just kept working hard and stayed focused on my own life and my family. Those same people that never invited me to parties now call me or text me to hang out or they want to score some nugs. Usually I say no, heh. Fuck 'em. They had their chance.

Another thing that worked for me was to set goals for myself. Once you've achieved one goal, you move onto the next one. Sort of like a bucket list, but you get the idea. You will gain self esteem and learn to believe in and trust in yourself more afterward.

One thing I used to do: I'd tell myself that I had to say "hello" to 10 random people on the street and smile when doing so. You learn how to make eye contact first, smile, and not look like a weirdo, lol. Another one was to hold every door I walked through open for the next person behind me. You'd be surprised how much people appreciate the little shit like that. Doing something nice for a random person always helped me feel better about myself.

I remember the first Christmas without my father who had passed away earlier that same year. I was more depressed than normal, so I went to the post office and picked out a couple "dear Santa" letters and bought gifts for the kids that had written in. I even contacted one of the parents of one of the kids (they lived in the projects and were very poor) and worked out my delivery so that the kids came home from day care and had a tree, presents, and fixings for Christmas dinner. The look on that mother's face when I dropped off all that stuff completely wiped away any notions I had that I was a bad person and not worthy of other people's company. I've gone to the post office every Christmas since then to pick out a couple letters. It makes Christmas a little easier for me to deal with.

Sorry for the rambling post, just don't want to go thinking you're the only one who's a "loner" out there.

nice bro good man.

 

[ZackMorris]

You have to be self confident and at ease. No one wants to hang around some twitchy nervous dude that takes life too seriously. What you need to do is get over yourself and start living for other people. Or take a Valium. Why do YOU think no one enjoys your company?

 

[onehitjake]

I once had a girlfriend who told me to "be yourself" when it came time to meet her parents.
Best advise I've ever had in fact, and something everyone should consider as a life practice.

You have to be self confident and at ease. No one wants to hang around some twitchy nervous dude that takes life too seriously. What you need to do is get over yourself and start living for other people. Or take a Valium.

If you are not naturally self confident and at ease, learning to be more so is a good idea, but I
think saying you "have to be" is poor advise. Just something to add to the learning curve of life,
it isn't a deal breaker for happiness.

Get over yourself? Live for others? Take Valium?
I think better....
Get to know yourself / Love others / don't take pills

Why do YOU think no one enjoys your company?

That I feel is good advise, and will help with getting to know yourself.

 

[Gowron]

Did you ever think that maybe they think you don't want to be invited to the parties or spoken to when you're there? Maybe they think you don't like them?

How would they know without ever having spoken a word about it to them? Do some research on non-verbal communication (speaking without words), it's a lot more important than you'd think.

I also agree with this reasoning, at least that's how it is for me. i've been working at the same place for a long time now, and it seems i'm almost the only one who doesn't have a little clique to chill with on breaks. granted, it is a pretty big place, so it probably goes unnoticed for the most part, but i'm still probably the only one who doesn't really know any of my co-workers. it's just a bad cycle i always seem to fall into. i am quiet and a lone wolf and people see this as arrogant or uptight i guess. i feel like i'm much more laid back now, and not a complete social tard, but i can't seem to break the cycle because it's been going on for so long. i'm not trying to complain or anything, i'm content with myself and don't want to completely change my personality. i know i'll never be that guy who knows everybody and everybody likes, and that's ok cause i'd rather have fewer, closer friends, than a bunch of superficial acquaintances. it's not that i take life too seriously, i just prefer smaller crowds. at the same time, i am now more likely to strike up random conversations with people i don't know. having normal conversations with strangers raises self esteem, it's an odd yet satisfying little fact of psychology. it even helps to do some nice random action like hold a door for someone (as someone already discussed before me), or let someone in front of you in traffic. unless they don't wave, then i'm pissed (just kidding).

 

[echo_chamber]

Most social creatures need that social interaction or they will leave you hanging. I'm similar to you, i dont keep friends, just 1 or 2 i've known for 20+ years. Everyone else just stopped coming by or calling. If you reach out to them, they will come back.. Friendship is a 2 way street, so you have to put as much into it as they do...

 

[ambition]

Don't do the psuedo intellectual circles that many loners do that ultimately places them- in their distorted version of reality- "ahead," intellectually, of the socially acclimated. This is a very unhealthy way to live, if for no other reason than that you know it to be false deep down.

If you start to notice a pattern of people disliking you, it probably isn't "society, maaaaaaannnnn;" it's probably something you need to work on. Ask them, if you respect them, what it is about you that they dislike.

Work on yourself. Do you, man. Do you.

 

[mjg132]

If your bored easy,then normal small talk and the people that do it won't interest you,so they've got no one to bounce off.
Subconciously,you are rejecting others for the sake of your own inner world,so you are rejected.

 

[Phedrosbenny]

No matter what anybody says dont become sheep in order to make friends.

 

[PoopyTeaBags]

being yourself WITHOUT worrying how other people precieve you is how you will find a true friend.... Also know that your gonna wade through a shit ton of shity people/friends before a true one is found. And just remember fuck people just like yourself and other people will do the same.

 

[Dorje113]

I am similar, and I think people are mostly disappointing, although there are good people...

One thing you could do is buy a book on dating and meeting women. Before you laugh, the authors are generally masters of non-verbal communication and social dynamics. You WILL learn things about people and how they work you never would have figured out otherwise. Just like you go to a mechanic when there's something wrong with your car, this kind of book has the "mechanics" of social dynamics all laid out for you.... the object is the title of the book of course, but it def. applies to a more general situation as well.... especially going out and at parties, the way you approach people in groups and the non-verbal communication you exhibit (completely unconsciously) is a trip...


http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118

 

[milehighmedical]

.

 

[anewguy]

Hey, I hate to be the one to say it, but depression is contagious. You sound a bit depressed. People do not want to have someone around that acts depressed or is not a positive influence on others.

I am not one that thinks you need to take drugs to shake it. It is not something you can solve overnight either, but it is doable.

1. Force yourself to do stuff that may or may not involve other people. Stuff that will improve you. Take up a sport or hobby like golf or photography or working out. Anything really, but it is going to be something you have to do every day and it will benefit you in a couple ways. You will appreciate your improvements and possibly attract others of like interest that may compliment you. This is important stuff to your well being and self esteem.

2. Stay away from depressing people. Just try to have bright and enthusiastic folks around you. It is not shallow, this is for you and your personal well being. You need to take care of yourself because nobody else is going to.

3. Never bitch. Don't be a bitch. Women can complain, but men cannot. I do not want this taken the wrong way, but homosexual men are often identified because they freely complain. If you cut yourself and you are bleeding and everyone is making a fuss... Just say it is nothing. Be tougher than the wound.

My plan for success only works on men though. Women have to find their own way out of depression.

 

[tARMAC]

is this " Yummybud"..?

 

[Cookie monster]

I am that I am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTnh-1CUadQ

 

[Burt]

maybe the band members just a a more confident voice?
who knows-i hate playing in bands now-mostly losers

 

[catcherintheye]

I am that I am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTnh-1CUadQ

 

[!!!]

This post is good because it shows that you're aware of your possible issue and may be willing to fix it. I think the biggest problem we have is that people don't criticize us enough and so most of our lives we have no idea that people perceive us a certain way.

How is your sense of humor? One of my friends asked me "why do people think I'm an asshole" and it's because his idea of humor is poking fun at people in ways that offends them. This shows that this person is not witty or creative/intelligent enough to come up with tasteful jokes that don't hurt a person at the cost of making a group chuckle for a minute or two.

It would help if you give us specific examples of scenarios that have occurred. For now I suggest reading up on conversing, flirting (google "flirt.pdf") and google "being witty" - I'm not saying you aren't good at those (you seem normal from your post.) A lot of it may be obvious but think back on how you interact with people while reading this.

One big issue that people HATE in others while conversing for instance is when that person doesn't listen, but only tells you his opinions and interrupts/cuts you off while talking. I personally also hate people who always try to "one up" your stories and anecdotes.

When you're in a group of people and you think you're "ignored" it's usually because you aren't making an effort to interact. Perhaps you feel shy and this tends you make everyone else seem like an alpha-male making you anxious to be around that group. If you're anxious (whether you know it or not,) then you will physically have an upset face and look mean.

I used to be anxious all the time and people thought I was mean/angry and would say things like "I never wanted to say anything to you because you looked like you would scream at me." I laughed because this is NOT how I am at all. Just smiling creates a friendly aura around you that makes you approachable.

People like friendly people and I can't imagine why nobody would want to be around a nice guy but you do need to make an effort to develop your personality in a group of people. Remember that nobody can read your mind and the only way you can judge others is via non-verbal movement and via what you say specifically, especially your tone.

As for the band thing, maybe you just plain suck at playing and it has nothing to do with your social skills.

 

[Phedrosbenny]

"Just try to have bright and enthusiastic folks around you."

This makes me want to Puke.

 

[opt1c]

rules of life:
people don't get smarter
people don't change
there are no secrets

i'm somewhat in the same boat; i live in a dipshit town surrounded by shallow marginally educated idiots; a few cool people now and then but they usually get into coke or oxy's trying to fit in. people around here tend to be into one hobby and that's it. makes em pretty boring unless you like talking about the same thing 24/7.

i've come to accept my situation; i'll go out once a week just to go out but i'm not looking to bring anyone home... i try and cook for my family as often as i can and spend time with my folks while they're still around... and, when my garden allows me, i travel and get the fuck outa dodge which does wonders for ones general sense of wellbeing and gives you an important reminder that it's not always who you are but where you are that sucks

it helps to have a lot of hobbies if you're a loner; there are social things u can do that'll put u in a way different mix of people. Master gardener classes are good and who knows, maybe one of your classmates has a nice grand daughter Home brewing clubs are nerdy. So are car clubs depending on what type of car you have. Hiking clubs, trail maintenance, volunteering, etc... are all great things for anti-social people to do

i'm almost proud to be a loner; i guess it's the whole american ideal of rugged individualism

Sometimes people who need people are just people who need people