Yeah I don’t usually post serious stuff, and I usually don’t post personal problems, but I seriously need some help here, sooo…..
Ugggh, where to start? I guess I’ll start with a little background…I’m 23, in a relationship with the mother of my 3 children, and we’ve been together for about 3/3.5 years. We’ve had many ups and downs, many hurdles, lots of hustling, lots of scraping by. But we’ve been grinding out it.
Lately, however, things have gotten weird. I got laid off, so there was a role reversal (again), and she started working, and I started watching the kids. Again, lots of financial woes, as well. So, I start chatting it up with old friends while she’s at work, on the internet (face book and myspace and whatnot). At first it’s innocent, but then it gets into flirting. Like a fool, I flirt with online girls. But don’t you dare judge me, you all know that I’m not the only one!!
So, she’s known the whole time. She regularly checks my face book and myspace (she informed me today, I had no idea) to see what I’m up to. But I guess this time was different, because it was more graphic, and there was an actual “plan” set… believe it or not, but that was also part of this online flirting game (my girlfriend did NOT believe this, so like I said, believe what you want). Now, I’m the first to admit, this is shitty. I’m a terrible boyfriend, and a shitty father. But, I am also human. In my defense (as thin and shakey as it is), I have needs too…emotional and physical! So when they’re not being met, I guess I tend to meet them? I don’t know, this isn’t the first time this has happened, I’ve been doing this before I even met my current girlfriend…I’m like a compulsive online flirter…but I’ve rarely in my life actually gone through with it! And I’ve never gone through with it while I was with my current girl.
Anyway, I was caught, and it was weird… when I usually get caught by a girlfriend, I adamantly deny everything, and manipulate her into thinking that it was all her fault. Its almost like I’ve patented this process, I’m that good. But this time, I didn’t even think about that. I immediately admitted the errors of my ways, and I proceeded to tell her everything that she wanted to know. I told her almost every single lie that I’ve told her (that I could remember), and some lies that I told BEFORE I even knew her…it was a very honest moment, coming from a compulsive liar/asshole. It was, as weird and horrible as this sounds…refreshing. I actually ENJOYED coming clean, and not lying! I just wish the circumstances were different…like I wish I had just had the balls months or even YEARS ago to be completely honest and tell her everything… but this is not the case!
So yeah, at the end of my “cleansing”, I asked for her forgiveness, OR, more importantly, the OPPORTUNITY to redeem myself. She said that she cant handle my lying and how lazy and irritable I am. I added that I hate how short my temper is around the kids. I said that I’d try to work on these things, and that in some time, once she realizes (IF, maybe) that I’m making an honest effort to quit being an asshole and a dirt bag, that she’d be willing to forgive me. At this point, the only thing I’d be asking in return of her is that she address some of the issues that “drove me to this behavior” (quotations, because I don’t feel that this is HER fault, because like I said, I’ve been doing this in every relationship for as long as I can remember). I’d just like her to open up a little more, and actually tell me EXACTLY how she’s feeling, or EXACTLY why she’s mad, so I can fix the problem. Her method now is usually bottling it up, or the silent treatment….neither of these methods usually help the situation, am I right? I know that I’m not in any place to be asking or demanding anything from her, this was just a thought or suggestion.
But yeah, at this point she says she doesn’t know what the fuck she wants. I ask her if she still wants to be with me or if she still loves me, and she said “Unfortunately, yes”…so, great that she wants to be with me still; lame that she hates the fact that she still has feelings for me. Maybe she’s pissed because she had kids with me, further complicating her “escape”, if you will, who knows?
She says “What do YOU want?” and I said “I honestly have no idea, I only do this shit when my relationships go south, or get old, or the spark dies out and its not new anymore…” and I was telling the truth. I love her to death, but its not exciting and new anymore. I know, I know, all relationship are like that. But anyways, she says “Ok, then maybe we should go on a break?” and I pondered it for a good minute…and I don’t agree. I mean, yes, honestly, the whole problem is that I’m young, but I’m really tied down and feel that I’ll never get to have sex with another woman again…that’s a legitimate and widespread fear/thought process…ask anyone in a long term relationship! But I don’t feel that us going on a break is really going to solve the problem… in previous relationships, “breaks” were usually just a bandaid to an inevitable breakup. A break never ever solved a relationship problem, did it? So, my answer was “No, I honestly don’t want that. I don’t want to fuck around on you, I love you, and want to have a family with the kids. I just want to stop being a dirt bag…maybe family or couples counseling?” And I guess the word “counseling” is a huge turn off, because that’s when she said “Ok, I’m going to bed” and walked out of the room.
I guess the purpose of this yummy-like rant is to get some opinions? To get some advice? Because honestly, I’m at a loss. I’ve never been at “this point of a relationship” with kids before, it’s a totally different ballpark. I have the sneaking suspicion that no matter what I do, its over.
Thoughts? Comments? Advice? I’d really appreciate it. And I’d also like a woman’s perspective, preferably someone who’s “been there” or who can identify with HER part of this story…because I have a feeling that most of the people that read this were in MY position, or one similar… Thanks in advance
ArcticBlast
Ugggh, where to start? I guess I’ll start with a little background…I’m 23, in a relationship with the mother of my 3 children, and we’ve been together for about 3/3.5 years. We’ve had many ups and downs, many hurdles, lots of hustling, lots of scraping by. But we’ve been grinding out it.
Lately, however, things have gotten weird. I got laid off, so there was a role reversal (again), and she started working, and I started watching the kids. Again, lots of financial woes, as well. So, I start chatting it up with old friends while she’s at work, on the internet (face book and myspace and whatnot). At first it’s innocent, but then it gets into flirting. Like a fool, I flirt with online girls. But don’t you dare judge me, you all know that I’m not the only one!!
So, she’s known the whole time. She regularly checks my face book and myspace (she informed me today, I had no idea) to see what I’m up to. But I guess this time was different, because it was more graphic, and there was an actual “plan” set… believe it or not, but that was also part of this online flirting game (my girlfriend did NOT believe this, so like I said, believe what you want). Now, I’m the first to admit, this is shitty. I’m a terrible boyfriend, and a shitty father. But, I am also human. In my defense (as thin and shakey as it is), I have needs too…emotional and physical! So when they’re not being met, I guess I tend to meet them? I don’t know, this isn’t the first time this has happened, I’ve been doing this before I even met my current girlfriend…I’m like a compulsive online flirter…but I’ve rarely in my life actually gone through with it! And I’ve never gone through with it while I was with my current girl.
Anyway, I was caught, and it was weird… when I usually get caught by a girlfriend, I adamantly deny everything, and manipulate her into thinking that it was all her fault. Its almost like I’ve patented this process, I’m that good. But this time, I didn’t even think about that. I immediately admitted the errors of my ways, and I proceeded to tell her everything that she wanted to know. I told her almost every single lie that I’ve told her (that I could remember), and some lies that I told BEFORE I even knew her…it was a very honest moment, coming from a compulsive liar/asshole. It was, as weird and horrible as this sounds…refreshing. I actually ENJOYED coming clean, and not lying! I just wish the circumstances were different…like I wish I had just had the balls months or even YEARS ago to be completely honest and tell her everything… but this is not the case!
So yeah, at the end of my “cleansing”, I asked for her forgiveness, OR, more importantly, the OPPORTUNITY to redeem myself. She said that she cant handle my lying and how lazy and irritable I am. I added that I hate how short my temper is around the kids. I said that I’d try to work on these things, and that in some time, once she realizes (IF, maybe) that I’m making an honest effort to quit being an asshole and a dirt bag, that she’d be willing to forgive me. At this point, the only thing I’d be asking in return of her is that she address some of the issues that “drove me to this behavior” (quotations, because I don’t feel that this is HER fault, because like I said, I’ve been doing this in every relationship for as long as I can remember). I’d just like her to open up a little more, and actually tell me EXACTLY how she’s feeling, or EXACTLY why she’s mad, so I can fix the problem. Her method now is usually bottling it up, or the silent treatment….neither of these methods usually help the situation, am I right? I know that I’m not in any place to be asking or demanding anything from her, this was just a thought or suggestion.
But yeah, at this point she says she doesn’t know what the fuck she wants. I ask her if she still wants to be with me or if she still loves me, and she said “Unfortunately, yes”…so, great that she wants to be with me still; lame that she hates the fact that she still has feelings for me. Maybe she’s pissed because she had kids with me, further complicating her “escape”, if you will, who knows?
She says “What do YOU want?” and I said “I honestly have no idea, I only do this shit when my relationships go south, or get old, or the spark dies out and its not new anymore…” and I was telling the truth. I love her to death, but its not exciting and new anymore. I know, I know, all relationship are like that. But anyways, she says “Ok, then maybe we should go on a break?” and I pondered it for a good minute…and I don’t agree. I mean, yes, honestly, the whole problem is that I’m young, but I’m really tied down and feel that I’ll never get to have sex with another woman again…that’s a legitimate and widespread fear/thought process…ask anyone in a long term relationship! But I don’t feel that us going on a break is really going to solve the problem… in previous relationships, “breaks” were usually just a bandaid to an inevitable breakup. A break never ever solved a relationship problem, did it? So, my answer was “No, I honestly don’t want that. I don’t want to fuck around on you, I love you, and want to have a family with the kids. I just want to stop being a dirt bag…maybe family or couples counseling?” And I guess the word “counseling” is a huge turn off, because that’s when she said “Ok, I’m going to bed” and walked out of the room.
I guess the purpose of this yummy-like rant is to get some opinions? To get some advice? Because honestly, I’m at a loss. I’ve never been at “this point of a relationship” with kids before, it’s a totally different ballpark. I have the sneaking suspicion that no matter what I do, its over.
Thoughts? Comments? Advice? I’d really appreciate it. And I’d also like a woman’s perspective, preferably someone who’s “been there” or who can identify with HER part of this story…because I have a feeling that most of the people that read this were in MY position, or one similar… Thanks in advance
ArcticBlast
