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Effective communication skills?

KONY

KONY

Active member
Veteran
Anyone have any good books or resources for learning better communication skills and improving already present ones?

I am not talking about making small talk with people, I mean talking to people about business or more serious things and getting your point across effectively, so the other person can take in what was said efficiently without being defensive or offended.

I am slowly learning as I get older many people are horrible with communication, seems especially bad with stoners. My younger brain told myself this was mostly a female problem, however I realize these days it effects everyone.

Many people, myself included will get angry, resentful and frustrated with people, because they don't automatically know what to do or how to do it, almost expecting them to know things without telling them directly what was expected or wrong with what they are doing...
 
KONY

KONY

Active member
Veteran
VonBudí said:
how to win friends and influence people, maybe 48 laws of power ?
Click to expand...

That 48 laws of power is everything that is wrong with the average person and society, all wrapped up into short descriptions. This sort of thinking will only make the world a worse place.

edit: Upon getting to the end, some of these are not bad ideas, but many are horrible.
 
Weird

Weird

3rd-Eye Jedi
Veteran
well maybe you need to come to terms with the fact you don't want to do the simple things that average people engage in like small talk

I get it, I can very well be the same way, but there is no magic way around interacting with people at their level.
 
KONY

KONY

Active member
Veteran
Weird said:
well maybe you need to come to terms with the fact you don't want to do the simple things that average people engage in like small talk

I get it, I can very well be the same way, but there is no magic way around interacting with people at their level.
Click to expand...

I am not looking for a magic way, I am finding myself in repeated situations where people ask me for simple advice, I give it too them, then they do not follow it and then tell me afterwards, almost like I never told them to begin with.

Basically even when the advice is asked for, I have a very hard time getting my point across in an effective manner. I'm guessing the anxiety I have plays a part, but now that I am getting over the anxiety I see many people in life failing to communicate effectively, even when I am not in the situation at all and just sitting in the room.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that most humans are only looking out for their own best interests, this makes effectively communicating with people very hard unless their best interests coincide with what I am telling them.

I don't mind making small talk with friends, I actually enjoy it. I do not like interacting with people that try to use me to get ahead or for other selfish interests.
 
Weird

Weird

3rd-Eye Jedi
Veteran
the fact that there is no spectrum between friends and people who have their own agenda is where your problem lies

your are sure people are either black or white before you engage in conversation yet relationships are a co-creation

perception like that won't allow for an organic conversation, you aren't giving people an opportunity to let them show you who they are based on how they receive you

like I said I get it, but I put a tremendous amount of work to understand it, difficult work

your mindset is almost like a PTSD mindset, your trying to preempt tragedy by knowing how things will turn out before they happen, which leads to most people being on the outs from the get go, something most people can pick up when they talk to you, and then you wonder why you get that reaction

you can't fix all things on your own, especially defects in inter personal communications

you have to step our of your comfort zone to fix this one
 
B

balloflove

Member
I find it all starts and ends with vocabulary. If you know the words to use that don't have potentially or inferred meanings that can be taken poorly, the difference is marked. Assumed meanings are often subjective but just steering away from words that aren't very concise will make a big difference.

Articulation of the meaning of something is also a major help. Short sentences can leave too much to the audience to fill in the blanks, with whatever personal thoughts or feelings they may have. Fully expounding on an idea can go a very long way towards filling in any possible blanks so as not too leave room for accidental or intentional misconstrued meanings.

Linguistics is a really interesting field.

As far as books go, honestly, the dictionary is one of the very best. It's hard for many people to admit to not knowing something but language is an art form, no one tries to paint without knowing what colours are available.
 
B

BakedBandit

Member
I have similar issues any time I try to tell someone that they did something wrong or could have done something better or should have done something different it seems they are often just immediately being defensive/argumentative rather than listening to what I am actually saying to them. Gets really old. Must be me. Not sure what I'm doing wrong. I try to speak plainly, without beating around the bush, sugar coating stuff, or being mean. I think a lot of people have a tough time with what they see as criticism, but without constructive criticism how would anyone improve? If I'm trying my best to do something, but I'm doing it wrong, or there is a better way, I'd sure as hell like somebody to tell me so. I don't want to get berated or made to feel stupid, but I do want to know that there is something different I should be doing.
 
R

Ready4

Active member
Veteran
I think a good start, one I practice myself some, is to try to really listen to what the other person is saying, looking at them directly in the eye, be attentive to what the other person is saying, wants or expects.
Myself, I often have "something to say" and (bad habit) will interrupt the other person, before they are finished with what they are saying or the point they are making. That gives the impression of being rude, even if not intentional at all. Gives the impression, often, of that you are not listening to the other person or do not care about what they are saying.
Good listening can certainly help as much as anything else imo.

Now, if you are talking selling, even selling an idea, there are some basics that can sure help.
If you are selling a product, always remember that people hate to be sold, but they love to buy.
That is from a book called " The One Minute Salesperson", very cheap on Ebay $4-5, free shipping. Older book but lots of good info in there.
Determining who really is a buyer can be a little difficult, wasting time with people who are just jerking around, can be frustrating.
Sometimes you have to make that call and move on to someone else who may buy, instead of "just looking".

If you are selling an idea, you should research as much as you can about it & know it, inside and out, before you approach somebody. Know your product or idea, as well as possible.
Be the "expert" as close as possible.
And rejection of your idea or plan does not have to be negative. You can learn much from it. You may be able to ask, on a business idea, what the person did not see from you to convince them, what could have you done to make them convinced or "buy" your idea ? Something like, thanking them for their time and asking for their help - this can bring a sale back, in fact.
If somebody mentions they were looking for this or that, you might be able to negotiate how that could work or go back and redo your plan.
Not getting angry, when rejected, can be difficult. Take the high road and see what you can learn from it.

Never forget that a lot of people, in every country, are stupid and bull headed. You cannot fix that. If you have a strong opinion, on any subject, you will encounter other people who feel completely different. They will be offended of course. Too bad for them lol

So.. relax, be confident & assertive, listen carefully to the other person(s), know your product or idea as best as possible. And try to eliminate profanity out of your language utilized, as much as possible.
 
A

angelgoob

Member
I was going to ask this same question.

Allow a joke or too in.

Like I am emailing some democrats and say to them "Hey, if we mention cannabis was in the bible perhaps the Republicans will be on board with this" and then how about we don't call it "cannabis" because that's too scary. Let's call it smoking flowers.

See, put a few jokes in there to get an audience interested, but don't get too funny or else they won't take you too seriously.
 
Bobby Boucher

Bobby Boucher

Active member
I struggle with this a lot.. My significant other is profoundly retarded. She's about to be 25 and is only now learning not to wipe her ass with my bath towels, how to read an analog clock, her multiplication tables, fractions, decimals, common decency, picking up social cues, etc..

Pretty sure the only way teach the profoundly stupid is by having endless patience, which is in itself an incredible feat. All you can do is smile and keep trying and help your audience arrive to their own conclusions, until you can't anymore. Just be thankful that you only need to be told something once or twice. It's not easy being stupid.

Also, learning is a vastly different process for each individual. Good teachers are as rare as good athletes. One in a million. I think 99.9% of teachers need to be thrown out on their asses, and the teachers worth a shit should be making 7-8 figure salaries.

It helps me a lot to accept that A: I'm not a qualified teacher, and B: Most people are just fucking stupid, myself included. If I wasn't constantly reminding myself of these two facts, I would seriously lose my shit.
 
W

Wendull C.

Active member
Veteran
Bobby, thank you. Lmfao, still chuckling. Is she at least smokin hot? I could deal with that then... I think.
 
Bobby Boucher

Bobby Boucher

Active member
I don't trust the "smoking hot". Been through most every "smoking hot" girl in town and they were generally spoiled and vindictive people.

She's very cute. Country girl from kansas, 5'4, 115, and lacking a gag reflex. Close enough to jazz in my book.
 
Meraxes

Meraxes

Active member
Veteran
It's all about perspective, she could be a genius. I mean bath towels after a good run with fabric softener?...probably better than Quilted Northern, could have a sensitive bottom...:biggrin:
 
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