Can you make true love last forever?

[cbf]

I read a cnn article today that said only 10% of adults that were married for several decades had the same chemical changes in the brain when they saw a picture of their partner, as they did when they first met. It did happen in 10% of the couples, so whatever it was, their formula worked.

My question is, is it better to get married later in life, so there is time to change and get to a point where you know what you are truly looking for or is it more a thing of finding that perfect partner that has everything in common with you and that will resist any changes? (ie, growing, smoking, drinking, frequent sex, attractive bodies, whatever it may be that unites or divides couples)

It seems to me that getting married too young rarely works out because women change alot and men hardly change?

 

[Babbabud]

Yes some of us are very lucky.

 

[Dr Dog]

I have been with my woman for 9 years

She still has the same effect on me, except for the butterflies, as she did 9 years ago.

How do we keep it working?

She is my best friend, simple as that. That is how you make relationships work

 

[Haps]

Marraige is an evil construct of society, not unlike the evil corporation. First decade is easy. Pussy is a worm with a hook in it.
H

 

[whiterabbit9]

I dream of that.

They say everything fades.

yet, I still dreammm

and then they break your poor heart, will you ever get it back running ?



I still dreammm

 

[Deft]

Marraige is an evil construct of society, not unlike the evil corporation. First decade is easy. Pussy is a worm with a hook in it.
H

More like a clam with a 7/0 baitholder hook in it!

 

[midwestganja]

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

 

[swampdank]

If you fu*k and fight alot, chances are you are very passionate about each other. Being best friends is crucial to making a marraige last.

Never let your partner get used to you.

 

[oohcow]

I'm a younger guy,

But i have to say No.

I am absolutely scared shitless of the thought of marriage, and i Probably would not join the ranks of married men until im 50 or so.

In my experience, which pales in comparison to alot of people on these boards is that true love doesn't last forever (only diamonds) for most... and there are a few that it can last forever for.

I believe that the individuals categorized in the latter group KNOW that they're the ones that can hold something forever.

And i myself am not one of those people.

 

[FRIENDinDEED]

the misses and i both agree that marriage too young is not a good thing at all. around 30ish is when one should think about gettin married and kids and NOT BEFORE!!!

until your thirty people need to ride their 20's until the breaks fall off!!! marriage shouldnt be scary when its about finding someone that you really jive with and can see yourself with for the end of your days. travel, see the world, take someone you dont know with you and liveit up.

hell if you want you can play house. marriage is a good ending to a great beginning and shouldnt be scary but at 20something, how could it not be?

 

[Sticky Scissors]

I've been married to my Lady for 23 years and we lived together for 3 years before we got married...we'll probably be together till the day we die...but if we ever do get divorsed Nerer Again Brother...HAHAHAHAhahahaha!!!!! Just Kiddin!!!

I personally think it's better to wait till your at least 26 to 30 before thinking of tyein the knot. Get your oats sowed, burn out part of your truly Wild Side, get your shit together finacialy and head wise. For myself I know if I had gotten married when I was alot younger it would of never worked for the long haul, I was 35 and damn glad I waited. Now finding your soul mate is also part of the equasion but if your both too young it probably won't work, I'm not sayin it'll never work but theirs just to much responcibilty, pressures, temptation, etc.

One thing I really want you to remember... no glass dishes or glass drinking glasses or those heavy glass ashtrays till you've been together for at least 2-3 years, they can do to much damage when thrown, BBWWAWAWAWAwawahahahahahahahaah!!!!!!!

Just my Sticky

 

[Feyd]

The word marriage scares the bejesus out of me.

 

[GeneticHeirloom]

I find that one of the crucial factors is the ability to have an "outside relationship time" that maintained friends and allowed the relationship to grow into something wanted instead of wanting a break.

I just recently ended a 1.5 year relationship because of "smothering" and her fighting with me over wanting to go over to friends places alone and can say without a doubt it is the only reason that ended it.

Some people are just inherently individualistic and over-saturation of a relationship or marriage can break any feelings felt.

Sex is a huge factor too. Good sex.

 

[ToKEN]

the way I feel it, marrying early (24, or 25) is perfectly fine as long as you know. you feel it in your heart. also it all depends on how long youve been together...

 

[bagseed77]

romance doesnt last, marry for sympathy and friendship and things will be fine.

 

[Chamba]

Here's a couple of quotes from the late, great Rodney Dangerfield

"we sleep in separate rooms, we dine apart, take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together"

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

 

[Wonderon]

I dated the girl for 7yrs before I married. Thought she knew everything about me that she could which she kinda did. I as well thought I knew all I could about her which I obviously didn't. She turned out the be a clean and controlling freak and I find myself wondering how the hell can I keep living with her. I guess a lot of this could of been avoided if we had moved in together but we both had comfy free places to live with our families so we didn't live together until the last 3 months or so. She got pregnant and I felt guilty so I gave in and went with her wishes to marry. SHe continuously complains about what or how I am doing things or not for doing things for that matter. Now she has me watching everything that I do and my cat has a permanent home in the basement along with the rest of my stuff. Not exactly what I consider a cozy home. I am staying for the baby but I def. feel this could be a short lived marriage as she will not give me any space. Well I guess it goes to say just make sure you know for sure. Everyone told me that and I think I just convinced myself that it would be ok, and now I regret it. Just thought I'd vent a lil, take it or leave it.

 

[cbf]

Thanks for all the responses guys..I agree so much with alot of what you all are saying.
When I met my woman, she smoked herb, cigarrettes, drank socially, hung out with me no matter what. I also was interested in other chicks, I was 20.
In my case I was barely 20, my chick a 18, and WE got pregnant one day.

Before this we had been together for a year or two as boyfriend/girlfriend, had sex daily, and never really had many problems. We decided against abortion and thought we could do it, raise our baby. Now, a decade and a half later, it's obvious she has changed. I always communicate alot, she's very quiet, and I always tried to fight the crisis that would come about every 2 or 3 years, culminating in no real answers to what needed to be done or what was going wrong.
We started taking individual vacations due to economic issues, full time work routine for both of us,day in day out fatigue of being roommates and the result was very irregular sex. Many times, me being denied it, flat out on many occasions. I noticed she no longer cuddled, no longer enjoyed Cannabis, no longer enjoyed the youthfullness I never lost or my lifestyle which never changed (smoking and growing herb, dedicating some of my time to my hobby, befriending people of various age groups (18-65) and blaming that on herb, diving, trekking, outdoors trips etc became a problem, i no longer enjoyed being alone under the stars in the wilderness, because I know she is pissed off at home for various reasons.)
Finally she admitted she was no longer attracted to me the way she used to because of Cannabis etc. I asked when this started and was given a vague, throuoghout the years..I told her that she was cheating on me and her vows by holding back on sex..She doesn't even like the smell of herb on my breath etc.

So now, even though I never lost the hope and the wish she was the same, she had this hope I would change. Just like my mom when I was 12-18. I am who I am, I can't hide part of who I am. Cannabis helps me deal with various physical and mental challenges and inspires me as well. Why would I cut something out that helps me be happy and live a productive life. I work full time, pay bills, clean, am the for the kid, etc. but it always comes back to me. What about her gaining 50 pounds, what about her lack of sex drive, what about....I could go on all night, but I prefer to focus on her positives, yet she is discriminating me mainly for herb, and the life surrounding it.


I feel I made a terrible decision, and I'm not about to ever make it again. My heart was truly broken I guess..

I dated the girl for 7yrs before I married. Thought she knew everything about me that she could which she kinda did. I as well thought I knew all I could about her which I obviously didn't. She turned out the be a clean and controlling freak and I find myself wondering how the hell can I keep living with her. I guess a lot of this could of been avoided if we had moved in together but we both had comfy free places to live with our families so we didn't live together until the last 3 months or so. She got pregnant and I felt guilty so I gave in and went with her wishes to marry. SHe continuously complains about what or how I am doing things or not for doing things for that matter. Now she has me watching everything that I do and my cat has a permanent home in the basement along with the rest of my stuff. Not exactly what I consider a cozy home. I am staying for the baby but I def. feel this could be a short lived marriage as she will not give me any space. Well I guess it goes to say just make sure you know for sure. Everyone told me that and I think I just convinced myself that it would be ok, and now I regret it. Just thought I'd vent a lil, take it or leave it.

Dam wonderon, sounds familiar, so sad, we should hang out and be bummed smoking some herb together HAHAHAHAHHAH

 

[midwestganja]

Thanks for all the responses guys..I agree so much with alot of what you all are saying.
When I met my woman, she smoked herb, cigarrettes, drank socially, hung out with me no matter what. I also was interested in other chicks, I was 20.
In my case I was barely 20, my chick a 18, and WE got pregnant one day.

Before this we had been together for a year or two as boyfriend/girlfriend, had sex daily, and never really had many problems. We decided against abortion and thought we could do it, raise our baby. Now, a decade and a half later, it's obvious she has changed. I always communicate alot, she's very quiet, and I always tried to fight the crisis that would come about every 2 or 3 years, culminating in no real answers to what needed to be done or what was going wrong.
We started taking individual vacations due to economic issues, full time work routine for both of us,day in day out fatigue of being roommates and the result was very irregular sex. Many times, me being denied it, flat out on many occasions. I noticed she no longer cuddled, no longer enjoyed Cannabis, no longer enjoyed the youthfullness I never lost or my lifestyle which never changed (smoking and growing herb, dedicating some of my time to my hobby, befriending people of various age groups (18-65) and blaming that on herb, diving, trekking, outdoors trips etc became a problem, i no longer enjoyed being alone under the stars in the wilderness, because I know she is pissed off at home for various reasons.)
Finally she admitted she was no longer attracted to me the way she used to because of Cannabis etc. I asked when this started and was given a vague, throuoghout the years..I told her that she was cheating on me and her vows by holding back on sex..She doesn't even like the smell of herb on my breath etc.

So now, even though I never lost the hope and the wish she was the same, she had this hope I would change. Just like my mom when I was 12-18. I am who I am, I can't hide part of who I am. Cannabis helps me deal with various physical and mental challenges and inspires me as well. Why would I cut something out that helps me be happy and live a productive life. I work full time, pay bills, clean, am the for the kid, etc. but it always comes back to me. What about her gaining 50 pounds, what about her lack of sex drive, what about....I could go on all night, but I prefer to focus on her positives, yet she is discriminating me mainly for herb, and the life surrounding it.

I feel I made a terrible decision, and I'm not about to ever make it again. My heart was truly broken I guess..

Good post. Some people may never experience this, I sure have! I've been in 2 relationships that started the same way and ended quite bad. Women are very difficult to understand to me, still, but I tell you what you go through a few of those experiences and you learn a lot. A lot of ladies expect a man to change after they've been together for a while. Face it, priorities change, that's a fact, and that's something most people dont expect. They just sit around and do the same old routine, and just think the love will last forever regardless.

I'll be honest with you, it's probably more than just the cannabis, maybe she's not willing to go into details. But sometimes women are just afraid to say how they really feel. Have you considered taking a day off from the cannabis and sitting down and talking with her sincerely? She will know you are serious if you stop using the cannabis while you talk to her, I know its stupid, but it does have an impact.

Women want to be listened to and they want you to SHOW them you are listening. If it were me I would probably take a day off from the cannabis and talk to her the next day, in a nice open mindset and let your thoughts be known. Let her know you took a day off to gather your thoughts, and that you wanted to be clear headed while you spoke to her about how you felt. I hope this doesn't sound too cheesy, but I hate to see people end up where I am. If you really love her and she really loves you, you guys need to talk and come to an understanding. And as I said, maybe she will open up, and explain to you that it is more than just cannabis? Maybe she no longer feels attractive or loved, there are so many reasons.

And if it's really about the cannabis, maybe she could be willing to accept it and move on, or maybe not. But I would let her know how you feel regardless, I will tell you losing a loved one is painful no matter who breaks up with who, or for what reason, especially when children are involved. And now that it's said and done for me, I recall many times that I had the chance to make our lives much more fulfilling and happy. And cannabis partially contributed to some of my "neglect" as a man of the house. That doesn't mean you can't smoke cannabis. It's just... once in a while... we all have to clear our minds and see what truly is important to us.

Peace

 

[Chamba]

"A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day."
Andre Maurois