A Friend's last days--

[kmk420kali]

My good friend Larry is in the Hospital, on a respirator...he can no longer breath on his own-- It is from heart issues...his body is just shutting down--
There is no hope of recovery...now the Family has to make the decision to take him off of life support...probably one of the hardest decisions a person can ever make--
He still responds to them by shaking his head yes or no...and they are having a very hard time with this--
I feel awful, not only because of what's happening...but also because I have not gone and seen him to say goodbye...but I seen him at Christmas time, and we had a great visit...I just can't bring myself to go see him like this--
Not sure why I am saying all this, other than to just get it off my chest-- This shit sucks!!

 

[wantaknow]

sorry to hear about your friend ,you got to go see him ,you can deal with it ,dude go give him a hug ,shed some tears ,and some love ,he needs it ,he is holding on for a reason ,and when thats reason is fullfilled he go on

 

[trichrider]

get over your trepidation and go give Larry some comfort.
let him know how much he meant to you, may be your last chance bro.

sorry for the pain this is bringing you, i know you would rather remember him as he was at christmastime but it might ease his transition.

either way...Bless.

 

[Capt.Ahab]

I held my friends hand a few weeks ago as he passed to the other side. Same problems your friend has along with others. He didnt have a respirator but was on an oxygen machine , congestive heart disease and an enlarged liver attributed to damage from all the different chemical Agent defoliants he was exposed to in the 'Nam.
You will feel worse than you do now if you dont say goodbye to him before he dies.
I had dinner with my friend the night before he died. He knew he was sick and he knew he didnt have much time. We talked about things that were important to him, like making sure each one of my boys got one of his shotguns so they would remember him when they are out hunting and did a lot of reminiscing about all the good times we had. Neither one of us figured that he would die the next morning during my daily morning visit. Im glad I did it and Im glad I was there to see him through. No regrets on my part.
Make sure you do your buddy right.

 

[supermanlives]

go see him. my friend recovered and is living with me. best wishes

 

[FirstTracks]

Go see him. It'll be worth it. You're only protecting your own emotions not visiting him, and you'll regret it anyway after you can't see him anymore. I'm not sure I understand taking him off life support if his brain isn't fried from lack of oxygen, he's still responding.

 

[Stoner4Life]

please don't abandon your friend now, he would love to see you and you'll have no regrets or second guessing yourself later. I'm alone in life, no family to speak of and none near me at all, I will die alone and I can only pray it comes swiftly when it does. Even though he has family @ his side your friend needs you now, trust me.

EDIT:
Look @ it through his eyes and not yours, if all he has left are a few days then every minute you spend holding his hand and talking to him would be a tremendous boost to his spirit, where his body may be failing his mind still sounds as though it's sharp and your visit will certainly ease his pain.......

 

[kmk420kali]

Thank you all for the advice...and you are right...I will prolly head down there tomorrow-- But it is vastly more complicated than you know-- He is in great pain, and is kept very sedated-- He is only semi-conscious, for maybe a couple minutes, a couple times a day-- His wife is handling it through popping pills all day, and tho I have love for her...she is very hard to handle in times of stress-- I went through this with them when their 18 year old son got hit by a hit and run driver...and was declared brain dead after 4 days--
I know the "Right" thing to do is go see him, and I will try to go tomorrow...he will most likely have no idea I showed up, but maybe I can show support for the Family--
He is in his 70's, and when I seen him at Christmas, he had just got a pace-maker put in...without saying it, we both kinda knew it was Goodbye when I left--
I just lost another good friend a couple weeks ago...damn, I hate it when this kind of stuff comes tumbling down!!

 

[Hammerhead]

Its hard when we lose people we love or have tight bonds with. Think of the times when he was in good health. The times that made you both happy. These are the things we want to remember them by and for them to know your still there for them.

 

[SeaMaiden]

Go see him. It'll be worth it. You're only protecting your own emotions not visiting him, and you'll regret it anyway after you can't see him anymore. I'm not sure I understand taking him off life support if his brain isn't fried from lack of oxygen, he's still responding.

I have to admit, same here. I've been there, but the person I experienced it with wasn't responsive, but it seemed as though he was trying, but in a dream state. However, if kmk's friend has already made his wishes known, that must be respected. Some people are adamant--NO life support at all.

I will echo the sentiments of others, go see him. You don't need to say much, if he's feeling as badly as I think he is then I've been there and words can be too much, the presence alone is all that's necessary.

Thank you all for the advice...and you are right...I will prolly head down there tomorrow-- But it is vastly more complicated than you know-- He is in great pain, and is kept very sedated-- He is only semi-conscious, for maybe a couple minutes, a couple times a day-- His wife is handling it through popping pills all day, and tho I have love for her...she is very hard to handle in times of stress-- I went through this with them when their 18 year old son got hit by a hit and run driver...and was declared brain dead after 4 days--
I know the "Right" thing to do is go see him, and I will try to go tomorrow...he will most likely have no idea I showed up, but maybe I can show support for the Family--
He is in his 70's, and when I seen him at Christmas, he had just got a pace-maker put in...without saying it, we both kinda knew it was Goodbye when I left--
I just lost another good friend a couple weeks ago...damn, I hate it when this kind of stuff comes tumbling down!!

Completely understandable, and if he really is that out of it then you going to see him may not make much difference to him at all. At that point, going to see him would be an act more for yourself than anything else, but it's ok to be selfish when it comes to losing someone you love.

It happened to me two years ago with my grandfather. I sped down to SoCal as soon as I learned that he'd broken his hip and developed pneumonia. By the time I got there he was mostly unresponsive, at least he was unresponsive to me. He was responsive to my cousins and uncle when they came out from Puerto Rico. It hurt a lot to think and know that I never got the chance to know that he knew I was there at all. It still does, so I just bury it down, deep, where that kind of pain belongs. I can still say, At least... At least I got to see him, and tried to say my goodbyes. At least I did my best. You might need the same sort of thing, ya dig?

 

[kmk420kali]

I didn't get to go today, but I got this text from his Wife--
(Paraphrased) They are taking him for a (heart) Transplant!!
It is simply not making sense to me, and I question the info I am getting from her--
One day he is dying, the next he is getting a transplant...and she is already asking for donations for his Cremation!!
Even if I go down there, the Dr's are not going to tell me anything, as I am not immediate family--
Fuck man...I love my Friend, but it is a 6 hour round trip to there, and I will most likely not know anything more than I know now if I go--
How far into the depths of another's pain...should I subject myself and my own family to-- FML!!

 

[Krull]

There are things that just need to be done, dont think about it too much.
Go there, both you and your friend will have some relief.
This shit sucks indeed... all the best bro

=K

 

[oldguy]

Its the thought that counts. Seeing them and being with them while they are alive is way more valuable than thinking of them when they have past. What ever the situation is going on with his family and whatever they are doing stay focused on him. 6 hrs is nothing compared to having a solid bond and respect for a friend.

 

[kmk420kali]

Its the thought that counts. Seeing them and being with them while they are alive is way more valuable than thinking of them when they have past. What ever the situation is going on with his family and whatever they are doing stay focused on him. 6 hrs is nothing compared to having a solid bond and respect for a friend.

Thank You--

 

[kmk420kali]

Me and another good friend were there when he had his first Heart Attack--
We walked in with Dr Masks on...told him we didn't want to catch his Heart Attack!!
We ended up sneaking him out, and smoking weed with him in the parking lot...he actually climbed up a tree to hide, when Security drove by-- Then we went back in, and the Nurses were freaking out, because his heart monitor went out of range...and they thought he died--
That was like 10 years ago--
Them were good times...now, not so much--

 

[greenmatter]

it is easy to second guess yourself and focus on every stupid thing his wife is going to do in a shit situation ......... at the end of the day if he steps through that door and you did not make it to see him you will be kicking yourself for it.

just my 2 cents man.

 

[Stoner4Life]

KMK bro, don't make it about you or his wife, doctors lack of info or a 6 hour drive, go see your friend. If she tries puttin' the cuff on you for some money just look her in the eyes and tell her "You know I'll do everything in my power to help" and leave it at that. god forbid that your friend dies it will be his family that rallies together the money to tend his services.

It's all about and only about your friend and his feelings.......

 

[mayan]

I spent the last few days of my best friend's life with him. I experienced much of the same reticence that you are expressing but I gotta let you know - despite my OVERWHELMING sadness and heartache - those days were some of the richest and most treasured moments of my life. It was hard to see him in unbearable pain and unable to drink because his throat was fried from radiation. Regardless - the time we spent was irreplaceable and incredibly important to both of us.

 

[supermanlives]

sorry for your hardship. see your friend and deal with it . while my friend wasnt expected to die for 3 weeks he was in coma and it was possible.visiting sucked. did it anyhow. out of coma half paralyised. doctors give no posative hope. well he is weak on one side but is getting around. even when he was whacked he remembered me visiting a few times but not his family. i aint saying your friend will know your there but i dont doubt it at all. may you find peace my unknown friend

 

[supermanlives]

when he was in coma i said key words and watched his stats rise. bp hr ect. i did it several times to make sure i wasnt hallucinating.