Is it common to have no friends?

med_breeder · Jan 15, 2008

Hello,
To start off this is not a self pity inducing thread. I want no pity. I am just curious. I am a nice,warm, some times out going person. I work hard, and a little on the serious side.
I am not the best looking guy in the world, not in the best shape, but I make an effort. I have no friends. I have people, and co-workers who will chat with me, pass time when work is slow, but that is about it. I take an interest in people, get them talking about themselves, but that is where the topic stays. I try so hard to create a warm and inviting athmospere always, I just find it so hard to attract people. The people I attract are so self centered.
I am not anti-social, I wish I could join the party, but I am never invited.

Our favorite hobby helps keep me sane.

my question is, is it common for people over age 30, to not even have one friend?

AinSophAur · Jan 15, 2008

Its common but not healthy. Try and get out more and try and make friends with people outside of work or school. It can be dificult for shy people but not impossible.

chubbynugs · Jan 15, 2008

Maybe find someone who also partakes in the herb. I dont know your area so cant recommend spots to go. The herb makes lots of friends but can bring some unwanted relationships your way as well.

med_breeder · Jan 15, 2008

I would love to partake with other tokers,
but without giving up too much personal info i really must toke alone.
people that know me would lose their wigs if they knew i toked.
I'm not saying I'm Donny Osmond but...

darn near close.

cocktail frank · Jan 15, 2008

you should try chilling w/ yummybud. he's in the same boat as you.another person rowing can keep you from moving in circles.

med_breeder · Jan 15, 2008

It may be uncommon to be an adult and have no friends, but all through out history there has been hermits. Is anyone here a hermit? Is there anyone here that intentionally avoids people? Are there any misanthrops here? If so, I would love to know why? I want to connect with people, you want to avoid them, I would love to hear about it.

Out · Jan 15, 2008

you sound like you need more of an edge in social situations

- OutSide

kmk420kali · Jan 15, 2008

I have the exact opposite problem-- I friggin' meet EVERYONE-- I am a People Junkie-- I go to KMK shows (I'm 47) and I blaze with and meet dozens of new ppl.I will be going this Friday--
My wife thinks I am out of my mind...I always have a bunch of ppl around, and even tho it is also my "Side Job"...generally thinks I party way too much--
She is always right-- lol
My best advise to you bro, is to get tired of "Chillin'"...and go out and do things-- Go to play pool...and talk to ppl-- It's really quite easy--

Oh, and I am also curious to hear from other ppl about being on the Reclusive side...as it is another insight into my fellow Humans-- :rasta:

FRANKENBLUNT420 · Jan 15, 2008

maybe you should try to look around your old neighborhood/neighborhood and see if you cant find any of the old cats from around the way, theres gotta be people you grew up with or something. maybe your feeling dwon and do have friends, but when you over analyze things, they can be made to seem pretty bleak and obscure.

its not common for someone to have not one friend, i mean if its that bad, hell, at least you got your momma.

TwoOhSix! · Jan 15, 2008

med_breeder said:
Hello,
I try so hard to create a warm and inviting athmospere always, I just find it so hard to attract people. The people I attract are so self centered.

Just a guess, but perhaps trying so hard to seem friendly and inviting weirds some people out?

It's like if I go up to an attractive female and try to be really nice to them, and I think things are going well and then she just loses interest and walks away. It's because I projected to much neediness. She knows I don't have a girlfriend and other girls aren't clamoring over me because I'm sucking up to her trying to win her approval.

Perhaps this is the same kind of thing. People meet you and think you're nice, but they get the feeling you have no other friends. You may seem to eager. My advice in that case would be to act like you don't NEED friends. If they WANT to be friends with you, cool. If not, no big deal. Not sure if I'm making sense, and it may be much different, and I imagine much more difficult, for a middle aged man such as yourself.

I would try joining some kind of club if you have any other kinds of hobbies. You have to get involved in something, because I think your chances of randomly meeting another middle aged guy to be friends with on the street are rather slim.

Hope things turn around for you

Kaos! · Jan 15, 2008

I have Friends all around this planet, many of Whom I'm very close to. I know all of Their kids names, pets names, hobbies, occupations, etc...
And I've never met Them in person.

But then, I've been a Ham radio Operator for over 25yrs.
Same thing goes with the internet, I've befriended many good-honest Folks.

But living in mostly rural areas most of My life, I've found it better to not get too comfortable with the general populace, to stay-away from the local watering holes, and keep a select group of aquaintances.

This is not only for security reasons, but in smaller towns/rural areas gossip is sometimes more entertaining than the events going on in the real World.

Now that I've temporarilly moved into a medium-sized city, I'm more comfortable with a very small group of Friends, as it seems that a huge majority of those around Me are complete Idiots.

The down-side is that it's harder to meet members of the fairer sex though.

The up-side is that I can still keep Myself supplied with fresh, organic meds for My ailments, and nobody around can tell, or cares.

But in all reality, I'd move back to My old shack in the woods in a heartbeat.

Do what You think is best, and remember, You're not alone.

Kaos!

RoastedO · Jan 15, 2008

Ok, I used to be a social butterfly but now as I get older I find myself being more and more reclusive. I personally find the general population parasitic. Its been my experience in life that even your own mother would devour you in her own self preservation efforts.. I put much less faith in non-family. I avoid people all the time, seems if you can do what most can't you become a target for exploitation. I also hate the constant need to compete with other people.. I think healthy competition is necessary but not in every aspect of life.. People are envious, jealous and generally motivated by emotion.. Not all, just most IME..

If I have 5 friends that I can really call friends by the time I die, I think Im blessed.. I find it ironic that I am replying because I am self centered, just the person you are trying not to attract.. but I can't imagine any "hermit" that wasn't to some degree.

All the best,
RO

B4O2N0G · Jan 15, 2008

I intentionally avoid some people because I came to the realization that they were just using me in ways.Then when they call,I don't answer or have someone else say im not here.It kind of sucks but it seems its the same thing every year.Friends come and go and theres never much I can do about it.Some people just go different ways as they get older.It can be hard to find people like you to relate with and it sucks but smoking good weed helps in situations like that.I still have a good number of friends Ive known for a while that I smoke with everyday.Life is good but it can be bad sometimes.Peace

TwoOhSix! · Jan 15, 2008

I agree, a good friend is a VERY hard thing to come by. Acquaintances and buddies are aplenty, but when shit hits the fan, few will remain. The amount of true friends one has can usually be counted on one hand.

med_breeder · Jan 15, 2008

The thing that gets me regarding meeting people is the "Trying too hard" part.
I guess that is what does me in. Every other aspect of life, the harder you try,the more you succeed. When I was flunking algebra in highschool, I focused, studied 5 hours a night, and became an A student. When I needed to make weight, I would layer up, hit the track and not stop until I lost what ever I needed to lose. That is my mentality.
But it is true, when It comes to relationships, the harder you try, the more you fail.
It's a tough paradox.

TwoOhSix! · Jan 15, 2008

I'm glad you made sense of the point I was trying to make.
But don't think you shouldn't try at all now. There is a difference between trying hard to meet people, and trying too hard to make them like you.

In one sense, it still is like algebra or wrestling/boxing. Go hit public places and TALK to some people. Do it often. When you studied 5 hours a night, you got A's. My guess is if you went to pool halls/bars/bowling ect. 5 hours every night, you'd have a lot more friends.

The key is, once you do get into some conversations, act more laid back.

medgrowr02 · Jan 15, 2008

If you really want something you'll get off your can and go and get it. If you seriously want to have more friends, you'll get off the couch and go to a bar, movie, or club etc. etc. and eventually you will meet people. It's like inevitable, you have to.

If you like rolling dolo, it's all good. I don't usually hang around many people either. It's not to say I don't have friends, I just prefer being alone. With the exception being the occasional girl; who rides me like a pony.

+Vibes · Jan 15, 2008

i prefer to be alone above all else, maybe a pet or two, and a garden...

b8man · Jan 15, 2008

Ok... a bit of brute honesty here....

I'm pretty much friendless too these days. And usually it doesn't bother me, but to be honest, this is the most alone i've been in years - and now it is getting to me. Being alone at Christmas and New Year were the real heavy blows. If I didn't have weed I don't want to think what I'd have done......

My main problem is that I'm an introvert. I don't do light conversation and don't talk unless I've got something to say - which some people mis-read as anti-social or boring. I get on with about 5% of the people I meet and the rest just irritate me with their banality and superficial lives. I'm repulsed by lots of people, and I know I'm getting worse every day.

Now I've got the option to (a) stay in the city and try and make friends, or (b) give up and become a hermit. But I'm hurting here. I don't want to give up.

So Med-breeder I guess I'm saying that you're not alone. Cannabis is a very private hobby and can negate the need for human contact. Then one day you wake up and realise you've driven away your friends. And it's not a nice realisation.

Thank god for the internet for maintaining the few links we still have.

med_breeder · Jan 15, 2008

Thank you so much b8man for your post.
I really appreciate it.
Hang in there, it is tough.
solitude has it's moments. I'm glad that I can come here and share with you all.

thanks

Is it common to have no friends?

Active member

Member

Registered Pothead

Active member

Ubiquitous

Active member

New member

Freedom Fighter

me blunt is like, wicked yo!! owight

Member

Member

Member

Active member

Member

Active member

Member

Member

Member

Well-known member

Active member