I hate to point out the obvious here, but playing with alcohol is asking for serious trouble. I’m a pack and a half a day smoker, and my rationalizations are anything but sane.
I’m also at the ass end of this argument more often than not. My girlfriend of 6-7 years suffers immensely from hormonal dysfunction. I am constantly trying to convince her to acknowledge and change her own behaviors, which can certainly be interpreted as “abusive” or “controlling”... but god damn, the incessant self-victimization!! Somebody has to put their foot down at some point or another..
It’s not “gaslighting” if you are turning the lights UP!
Neither of us drink, though. What progress we’ve made has been slow and arduous.. but if we were drinkers?! Not to make light of the situation, but .. “lol”.
Love and care is too delicate a dance to be drunk all the time, if at all.