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You realize we just fun around here and nothing should be taken personal, right? It's a joke thread. You've read how I've been encouraged over the years to comment on the groaners like the yule pun to get people to bring their "A" jokes. Nothing should be taken personally. We are just trying to have a funny time.
Why would we do something else? 
Hope you also take me only seriously outside the joke thread....
Hope you also take me only seriously outside the joke thread....
My gal friend says I look more like Jack Nicholson in the shining.
somebody stop him...
She suffers from a rare medical condition that prevents here from gaining weight. "The world's ugliest woman" actually turns out to be an inspiration, story on NBC news:
[YOUTUBEIF]Si_XuKnRcKM[/YOUTUBEIF]
N
noyd666
"Nicks her" ?!
You sure you don't mean, Leaves a divot?
Restrain yerself Mr. Hemp.
Remember the hillwilliam's creed.
No dating outside the family.
Aloha,
Weeze
.........................
Here he is
Attachments
Here's an oldie but a goodie;
Life in Alaska
The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an
Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your
Wife", said one of the troopers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkens exclaimed.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really
Great news. Which would you like to hear first?
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
Found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay .
"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 Twenty-five-pound
King crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are
entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded,
"If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
Life in Alaska
The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an
Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your
Wife", said one of the troopers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkens exclaimed.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really
Great news. Which would you like to hear first?
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
Found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay .
"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 Twenty-five-pound
King crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are
entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded,
"If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
twistedthreads
Active member
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
