Man Takes Viagra, Wears Sweatpants for TSA Pat Down

[In~Plain~Site]

NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down.

“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two Viagra and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix.

“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his penis.”

Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.

“Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.”

Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano dismissed concerns that more TSA officers would quit or that more travelers would take similar measures to get their “jollies”. “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this,” said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”

Calls to TSA headquarters went unanswered, as everyone there is just exhausted.

 

[BornToBeWild]

Baton in his pants hahahaha!

 

[Miss Blunted]

I love this guy!

 

[paladin420]

Oh My... I started laughin before I could Click It. I Love this Baton wielding Sum Bitch. We gotta name Somethin after this hero. The Kelvin Fatty ?????...

 

[trichrider]

the smart stance

 

[Iron_Lion]

A true American Hero

 

[Coco_nuts]

Omg my eyes watered up now from the laughter! A true hero promoting freedom.

 

[Sam the Caveman]

"I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers"

WTF, he had a passion for touching strangers??????

Funny ass story, it was bound to happen sooner or later though.

 

[Littleleaf]

Just give that man a hand....LOL

That will show them jack boots what's realy up!!

 

[Guest50138]

“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” Nobody has ever said that about me
very funny shit lol

 

[Hammerhead]

have a bonner before you get on the plane. maybe we will get our rights back NOT LOL

 

[Dislexus]

FAAAAKE THE STORY IS FAAAAAAAKE

 

[greenmatter]

great idea i'm puttin' on the speedo and heading to the airport

 

[dgr]

You pull that off of The Onion?

 

[Guest50138]

have a bonner before you get on the plane. maybe we will get our rights back NOT LOL

Might not get your right back but hey its a boner every boner I get at my age is precious

 

[CannaBunkerMan]

Ima gonna have to call fake, but not completely out of the realm of possibility.

 

[Kush_Master]

haha funny shit but sounds fake. onion?

 

[H^2o2]

I'vewalked around the drug store with a pretty massive erection.

 

[In~Plain~Site]

Neg rep'd for posting a story about a guy with a hardon...HAHAHA...at least we know who the limp dick is around here


Don't be jelly,brah

chicks like big guns :bigpimpin:

 

[Miss Blunted]

Boners are funny....ask anyone, lol. Boioioioing! So is fucking with TSA, it's just funny shit us stoners need to laugh at.