relationships and weed

[MMJcali]

Hey all,

so I've been in a relationship for about 2.5 years now, she's a great girl, hot, smart, 'marriage material', but she's really conservative.

Let me put it this way - I've had to keep my grows from her because I'm afraid of her wrath.

I only smoke maybe 2x a month, its not something that interferes with my life or anything...I just like growing my own once in a while, its like brewing your own beer or growing your own veggies.

I've considered breaking up with her and finding a girl who's equally as hot and smart but who is okay with it...but then I really think about it and I have to admit I think its just a fantasy, ya know?

so many of the 'hot' 'smart' girls have a societal image to uphold (as do I) and I can imagine they don't want anything to do with 'hippie-shit'.

On the one hand, I'm lonely because I have to hide from her....on the other, I'd be more lonely without her.

What are your stories? Have a hot conservative girlfriend or wife who digs your hobby?

and I know conservative vs liberal is probably the issue here...I hate to stereotype the two, but I get a lot of flack from the local hipster crowd for dressing in a suit everyday. I'm more of a conservative guy and most liberal girls just can't stand the look of me, tattoo-less, piercing less and as they would say 'cookie-cutter'. I think It'd be even more difficult to find a 'liberal' cool girl who wouldn't judge and tag me right away as an asshole.

I need to be that way for the job I work. I love my job a lot, and dressing up everyday is just something I take with the job. I'm really not your stereotypical conservative character....I'm more complex than that.

I'm venting a little, but Its gotten to the point where I felt I needed to reach out. And you all are my only real grower friends, so I figured I'd turn to you all for opinions.

thanks fellas

 

[BigHerm]

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[BlazingSaddles]

Interesting post.. I think alot of us can relate to this.

Maybe your over estimating how she will react? Maybe not?

I duno, personally if it was me if my girl couldnt handle a bit of weed occasionally (u mentioned u only smoke couple times per month) then id kinda see it as her being a bit uptight. This is modern civilisation i mean for god sake even Prince Harry from the British royal family has been busted smoking the erb'. Its not crack or meth get the fok over it i say!

I say no-one is too cool or too conservative that they cannot handle a bit of weed in their surroundings even if they dont smoke it imo people definitely don't need to be disgusted by it or look down on it thats just ill informed imo.

Lets see what some others say..

In the meantime il load my bong up..

BlazingSaddles

 

[In~Plain~Site]

I agree with BigHerm, plenty of conservative chicks smoke weed, the stigma of just 'who' is smoking weed nowadays (left/right BS) has faded.Besides, for the long term,it's beneficial to be with someone you're ideologically compatible with, save for the one issue of MJ...which it sounds like you're not even completely sure where she stands on the issue.

I didn't dig the

'afraid of her wrath'

comment...HUGE red flag imo

Nothing wrong with wearing a suit, not everyone was meant to be a ditch digger.

Just throwing this out there...Yummy v2.0?

 

[Cojito]

sounds like you're kinda conservative and she's kinda conservative. i mean, you hardly smoke. so give up Cannabis, put on your best suit and start spitting on those damn hippies.

any girl i date knows upfront that Cannabis is part of my life. if that's a problem then we never get to the serious stage. what you should do is come clean. she'll either accept that Cannabis is important to you (is it really?), try to force you to change (you know how women are), or she'll walk. if she walks, let her.

 

[MMJcali]

Its not crack or meth get the fok over it i say!

word.

What would her reaction be if she found one of your grows?

she'd probably make me choose - her or the weed. Thing is, I want both.

put on your best suit and start spitting on those damn hippies.

huh? I don't live in black and white, brother. I'm a mostly conservative guy who has morals and ideals. I guess I'm more of a conservative moderate if you want to get technical.

Cannabis is important to you (is it really?)

Its not life or death, but I have issues with anxiety and stress that weed helps me overcome when I need to get some sleep. You know, the night before a presentation, if its 2AM and I can't sleep, I'll smoke a little.

It doesn't rule my life is all that I'm saying.

again, not black and white. I think weed has its applications, but Im not hating on anybody here.

thanks for the responses...

 

[MMJcali]

also -

there are professional women who smoke too.

I should really meet these women.

 

[Iron_Lion]

Let me put it this way - I've had to keep my grows from her because I'm afraid of her wrath.

Not worth it, take it from kid that grew up in a house like that. My dad is a secret stoner and mom is a weed nazi, the few times he's been busted it was world war 3.

Find yourself a med head, if your really mmj it shouldnt be too hard.

 

[MMJcali]

Find yourself a med head, if your really mmj it shouldnt be too hard.

I was thinking of that, but its not really something you can go search for...unless I attend growing seminars and stuff like that? what do you think?

I stray away from parties because I'm not really the partying type, so that makes it that much harder.

 

[Solidopc]

I agree that if she cant handle you smoking a couple of times a month, she is way too straight laced, and i wouldnt like to think of all the other no-go areas she would have that could make my life even more boring, so id be on tyhe dumping her side of things if she dont like you having an occasional puff.

Or do you think she might not mind the occasional puff, but the growing thing would freak her out, as its illegal and would bring her nightmares of the feds absailing through her window? If you only smoke twice a month, you probably dont need to grow very often, so it doesnt seem that hard to not let her know about your once a year grow or whatever. But still, if she's freaking out about it all, sounds like you're on different wavelengths and long-term things probably wont be as rosy, particulary as you allready mentioned you scared of her flying off the handle. Believe me, that shit gets old really fast when you're living it everyday.

My ex-missus would stress me the fuck out real bad with her temper, she was a screaming loonatic when she felt like it, and i swear she's taken years off my life with her shit. Started having panic attacks and shit out the blue, my chest was getting all tight, so i went to the doc, he gave me tablets to calm me down when i feel them coming on. All that from having a mrs with a temper. Not psychical or shit, but relentless bullying menatally. I was so fucked up i even had to ask a friend her if i should leave her ass after all the shit she done, i still couldnt see it myself. Better off out of it man, you have a right to be cheerful and happy and not scared of anyones bloody wrath. Sorry for the rant, seems we all going through some sort of dilemas, lol.

 

[Iron_Lion]

I was thinking of that, but its not really something you can go search for...unless I attend growing seminars and stuff like that? what do you think?

I stray away from parties because I'm not really the partying type, so that makes it that much harder.

Light one up anywhere and every where, who knows maybe one will find you.

Living life in constant fear of an ass ripping is no good.

 

[immaculate]

My ex-missus would stress me the fuck out real bad with her temper, she was a screaming loonatic when she felt like it, and i swear she's taken years off my life with her shit. Started having panic attacks and shit out the blue, my chest was getting all tight, so i went to the doc, he gave me tablets to calm me down when i feel them coming on. All that from having a mrs with a temper. Not psychical or shit, but relentless bullying menatally. I was so fucked up i even had to ask a friend her if i should leave her ass after all the shit she done, i still couldnt see it myself. Better off out of it man, you have a right to be cheerful and happy and not scared of anyones bloody wrath. Sorry for the rant, seems we all going through some sort of dilemas, lol.

Kinda sounds like my situation. To the T. No pills though.

 

[MMJcali]

solidopc & Immaculate -

my heart goes out to ya...I have a knack for attracting those types of women too, probably because I seem so nice and they see it as an opportunity to control something. My ex-fiancee was verbally abusive to the the day she cheated on me and this one here is more passive agressive...though if she doesn't like something she's quick to give an ultimatum.

sometimes I think a little bit of weed would just help them chill, if we could only get them to smoke one with us haha

 

[immaculate]

Mine does.

 

[BlazingSaddles]

Hey MMJ lets open this up a bit...

Why do you think she is soooo against the weed? I mean truly, why?...

The more you delve into this answer the more you may realise what this is really about, and the type of person that gives "ultimatums" like this is not a very nice person imo. I mean if you had a serious drug or gambling habit that was hurting you i could understand a partner giving ultimatums. But for you clearly this is not the case.. Its all about control bro sounds like the mrs may feel a bit insecure in some areas and that insecurity materializes itself in controlling behaviour on her part. Successful relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding not ultimatums and blackmail.

Might be time for a trade in lol.. just sayin.


Blazing

 

[Iraganji]

Escape while you still can.

The best advise I can give relationship wise, (and I normally don't do that here....ehem) is to be the stronger mind. If you are caving to her will now, you will be in the doghouse indefinitely if you try to turn the tables. So, your two choices are : A. Leave her and B. stay under her thumb. I cannot advise anyone to stay under the thumb of another, so my answer was easy for me to come to.

You need a girl who doesn't look around the room before deciding who she should be and how she should behave. Does that describe your woman? If not, there's your answer.

Best of luck to you. I know this is not an easy thing to think over.

 

[BlazingSaddles]

Escape while you still can.

The best advise I can give relationship wise, (and I normally don't do that here....ehem) is to be the stronger mind. If you are caving to her will now, you will be in the doghouse indefinitely if you try to turn the tables. So, your two choices are : A. Leave her and B. stay under her thumb. I cannot advise anyone to stay under the thumb of another, so my answer was easy for me to come to.

You need a girl who doesn't look around the room before deciding who she should be and how she should behave. Does that describe your woman? If not, there's your answer.[/quote]

Good point, people like this make me sick to my stomach.

And i definitely agree if you are caving to someones demands now then that will set the tone for the entire future relationship. Its hard to change this once its been established.

Better to be with someone that accepts you for you even if there are a few things about that person they don't like. When you live with someone long term you learn all of this.

 

[AGBeer]

Coming from someone who has been married a few years (see - 11+)

I spent the first several years of our marriage herb free (as I was active duty military) pretty much when I got out I started up again and she was cool (initially) It didnt take long before her 'conservativeness' really started to show. "No, you can only smoke with me and on my schedule" of course this didnt work for me and I ended up hiding it from her for the next several years. She finally 'caught me' (more than once) and each time was meltdown city. We are finally at a point as to where she 'tolerates' it, but still despises the fact that I partake. (On a nightly basis no less) Honestly, I dont think there is a month that goes by where we dont have some sort of 'blow up' of what I do and when I choose to do it.
Lord help me if I ever got caught with a grow. Ironically, I almost fear getting caught by her more than I do the law.

If I knew then what I knew now would I still be here? Doubtful... But my daughter (amongst other things) makes it worth the effort to be here and 'play the game' at least for the next few years

 

[Cojito]

huh? I don't live in black and white, brother. I'm a mostly conservative guy who has morals and ideals. I guess I'm more of a conservative moderate if you want to get technical.

sorry. i was bit flip there. i didn't really think you'd spit on a hippie. i was riffing off the whole liberal vs conservative take on your girl.

look, people are complex. they possess both traits. and long term relationships are hard. you need to be compatible. talk to her. she needs to see who you are if this is serious. either this girl gets you, or she doesn't. either she wants you to do the things that make you happy or she doesn't.

 

[pearlemae]

I don't think that it matters wether conservative vrs liberal matters. I know liberal women that don't like weed and conservative ones that do. Your problem is a lack of similar tastes. As long as one side of a relationship doesn't like it (weed, beer, tobacco etc.) IT will always be a problem, either you need to quit weed for her or get her to change her attitude or else in the long run the both of you will become miserable and hateful to each other
. Get a chick that likes to smoke,my wife and I have been married for 21 years and smoke together from wake up, to go to bed. A life with out weed, is a life thats in need. snork.....