Bill O'Reilly
Member
Outlined here are a few tips on transporting your favorite herb in a very hostile world.
~Domestic (US) Plane Flights
Notes:
Security here can be intense and intimidating. However, the bark of the TSA is much worse than it's ball-groping bite.
-Methods of screening
-- X-ray of carry on bags, shoes and laptops.
-- Metal detector
-- Shortwave X-ray Body Scanner (optional, and only at selected airports, check TSA website to see if yours is included)
-- Very "personal" pat-downs
-- Behavioral profiling
Reliable and safe transportation of herb through airports relies on an understanding of the screening process and the staff conducting the screen.
First the screening process:
At the beginning of security screening your ID and plane ticket will be examined to determine that you have a reason to near the plane gates. Next, you prepare to go through a metal detector by removing your shoes and placing all of your items onto a belt for x-ray screening. Next you will walk through a metal detector and possibly a body scanner. If anything suspicious is noticed during these procedures you will be pulled aside for secondary screening.
The most reliable method to date is the tighty-whitey method. Simply put on two pairs of "fashion brief" underwear and place your sack into your package. Or your package into your sack, whatever. If going through an airport I would not recommend bringing more than a 2-3 grams. Although, now the question becomes whether it is worth it to risk your freedom over such a small amount. That is a question you must answer.
A smart idea would be to place herb in a heavy-duty freezer-style bag, then place into another bag with dryer sheets in it. This double bagging plus dryer sheets does a very good job of masking smell to other humans. Others have recommended testing this method by running some errands with the package onboard. Very soon you will realize how well it works.
If you are asked to go through an x-ray body scanner, DECLINE!!! There is no sign with a big arrow that says, "Here is the scanner, right here!". Sometimes there is just a line that funnels right into it, and you must notify a TSA agent that you will opt out. Here is where this method requires balls. You must now go through the "enhanced pat down". This agent is also likely analyzing your behavior for nervousness/fear/anger, so don't display any of these. Easier said than done, though.
The important part of the enhanced pat down requires the agent to run the hand up and down the inside of the leg until "resistance is met" in the groin. In case you didn't know the resistance is your junk. Many of these agents have no desire to be feeling up grandpa's old balls and may have strong feelings about it themselves. I would recommend conversing with the agent and asking his/her opinion of these policies and how it makes them feel to be forced into doing this to their fellow citizens. I did this just as the nut-touching commenced and it seemed to distract the agent and was caught off guard. Given that your herb package is sufficiently small and possibly tucked into certain nether-regions you should be able to pass even the enhanced pat down.
Do not attempt to do this unless you are sure you can play it cool and if the few grams is worth it.
If not...
Why not just avoid planes altogether??
~Domestic (US) Cruises
Notes:
These tips only apply to cruises that leave from and return to a US port.
Methods of screening:
-X-ray screening of carry-on baggage
-Metal detector of person
-non-enhanced patdown (if suspicious baggage or metal detector set off)
I can only speak for the one US port I have been through, but port security is a JOKE. Tighty-whitey method is king given that you DO NOT set off the metal detector or have suspicious items in carry ons. I was able to sneak 10-14 grams onto the ship while wearing baggy shorts. Also bought buds from a Jamaican dude and was able to bring those back on the ship as well.
As far as how to smoke on the ship, this just requires some common sense. If you have a balcony that certainly helps, just do it late at night and make sure your neighbors aren't out. If no balcony, then look in your bathroom and you might find a vent above the toilet which sucks all the smells from your nasty shit. To check if it is working light your lighter at the base of the door and the air should be sucking the flame into the bathroom. If this is the case go grab an apple from the 24/7 fruit bar and a pen from the guest services desk. Stab a couple holes in that apple and you got a pipe.
If you choose to smoke out on the deck of the ship be very careful. There are tons of cameras mounted everywhere and security folk that are tucked away. Scout out your area well. Smoke at the back of the ship so the smell is carried away.
On a related note, it is also very easy to smuggle alcohol onto a cruise as well. This can also save you $8-10 per drink. Bar tabs on cruises can rival the ticket price if you get carried away.
Google "rum runner flasks". Buy flasks. Be drunk and happy.
Buy some kind of unlimited soda/juice package with the cruise and you got unlimited mixers.
Hope this helped someone, comments and questions are welcomed!
-BILLO
~Domestic (US) Plane Flights
Notes:
Security here can be intense and intimidating. However, the bark of the TSA is much worse than it's ball-groping bite.
-Methods of screening
-- X-ray of carry on bags, shoes and laptops.
-- Metal detector
-- Shortwave X-ray Body Scanner (optional, and only at selected airports, check TSA website to see if yours is included)
-- Very "personal" pat-downs
-- Behavioral profiling
Reliable and safe transportation of herb through airports relies on an understanding of the screening process and the staff conducting the screen.
First the screening process:
At the beginning of security screening your ID and plane ticket will be examined to determine that you have a reason to near the plane gates. Next, you prepare to go through a metal detector by removing your shoes and placing all of your items onto a belt for x-ray screening. Next you will walk through a metal detector and possibly a body scanner. If anything suspicious is noticed during these procedures you will be pulled aside for secondary screening.
The most reliable method to date is the tighty-whitey method. Simply put on two pairs of "fashion brief" underwear and place your sack into your package. Or your package into your sack, whatever. If going through an airport I would not recommend bringing more than a 2-3 grams. Although, now the question becomes whether it is worth it to risk your freedom over such a small amount. That is a question you must answer.
A smart idea would be to place herb in a heavy-duty freezer-style bag, then place into another bag with dryer sheets in it. This double bagging plus dryer sheets does a very good job of masking smell to other humans. Others have recommended testing this method by running some errands with the package onboard. Very soon you will realize how well it works.
If you are asked to go through an x-ray body scanner, DECLINE!!! There is no sign with a big arrow that says, "Here is the scanner, right here!". Sometimes there is just a line that funnels right into it, and you must notify a TSA agent that you will opt out. Here is where this method requires balls. You must now go through the "enhanced pat down". This agent is also likely analyzing your behavior for nervousness/fear/anger, so don't display any of these. Easier said than done, though.
The important part of the enhanced pat down requires the agent to run the hand up and down the inside of the leg until "resistance is met" in the groin. In case you didn't know the resistance is your junk. Many of these agents have no desire to be feeling up grandpa's old balls and may have strong feelings about it themselves. I would recommend conversing with the agent and asking his/her opinion of these policies and how it makes them feel to be forced into doing this to their fellow citizens. I did this just as the nut-touching commenced and it seemed to distract the agent and was caught off guard. Given that your herb package is sufficiently small and possibly tucked into certain nether-regions you should be able to pass even the enhanced pat down.
Do not attempt to do this unless you are sure you can play it cool and if the few grams is worth it.
If not...
Why not just avoid planes altogether??
~Domestic (US) Cruises
Notes:
These tips only apply to cruises that leave from and return to a US port.
Methods of screening:
-X-ray screening of carry-on baggage
-Metal detector of person
-non-enhanced patdown (if suspicious baggage or metal detector set off)
I can only speak for the one US port I have been through, but port security is a JOKE. Tighty-whitey method is king given that you DO NOT set off the metal detector or have suspicious items in carry ons. I was able to sneak 10-14 grams onto the ship while wearing baggy shorts. Also bought buds from a Jamaican dude and was able to bring those back on the ship as well.
As far as how to smoke on the ship, this just requires some common sense. If you have a balcony that certainly helps, just do it late at night and make sure your neighbors aren't out. If no balcony, then look in your bathroom and you might find a vent above the toilet which sucks all the smells from your nasty shit. To check if it is working light your lighter at the base of the door and the air should be sucking the flame into the bathroom. If this is the case go grab an apple from the 24/7 fruit bar and a pen from the guest services desk. Stab a couple holes in that apple and you got a pipe.
If you choose to smoke out on the deck of the ship be very careful. There are tons of cameras mounted everywhere and security folk that are tucked away. Scout out your area well. Smoke at the back of the ship so the smell is carried away.
On a related note, it is also very easy to smuggle alcohol onto a cruise as well. This can also save you $8-10 per drink. Bar tabs on cruises can rival the ticket price if you get carried away.
Google "rum runner flasks". Buy flasks. Be drunk and happy.
Buy some kind of unlimited soda/juice package with the cruise and you got unlimited mixers.
Hope this helped someone, comments and questions are welcomed!
-BILLO
(not recommended)
