if you are a tru loner then why do you care if people dont want to hang with you,loners dont like hanging out with anybody anyway i think thats why its called L O N E R
So people must think Im a total asshole or weirdo or something...
- Thread starter bagend12
- Start date
That's a good point.
I think about a guy from my gym, I saw him for about a year there before ever speaking to him.
This guy looks like a GQ model on steroids, and he never spoke to anyone, we all thought he was just arrogant, and full of himself, and thought he was better then everyone else.
"Turns out when we finally did start talking that the guy is super shy and introverted with very low self esteem, he also wears hearing aids that are so small that you can't even see them, and he can hear you fine, but to him he feels handicapped, and that no women would want to be with him, and that people thought he was a tard.
It just goes to show that you can't judge a book by it's cover, the whole time we thought that he thought he was to good for everyone, and the truth of the matter was the opposite, he thought he was a loser and that no one wanted to be friends with him or date him.
Turned out to be a great guy once we got to know him.
YEP!
OMountainMix
Member
If you are shy and don't have much to say, may I suggest asking other people about themselves. Once you do that, the other person will start carrying the conversation, and if they are at all polite, they will then ask about you and make it easy for you to talk. It sounds simplistic, but maybe it would work.
Are you close enough to any of these people who give parties, etc., that you could simply ask them if there's something you need to change??
And the suggestion about going out and taking classes in something you like (language, art, cooking, dancing, whatever) was an excellent one.
Also, getting a pet is an excellent idea. If you don't have the time/space for a dog, a cat is a lot more company than you'd expect, they're cheaper, more independent, and much easier to take care of. My no. 2 cat fetches and will play with us for hours. They all sleep with us. They follow me from room to room and just hang out with me. And in the summer time, there are a LOT of pets that need rescuing b/c of college students who get them and then move home or graduate and can't take their pets with them, and families who get a pet, but then go on vacation and don't want to pay to have someone check on their pet or board him. You'd be providing company for a creature that is lonely and needs love, too.
Yes, all three of my cats are rescues, and we're such suckers that when we harvest, we're going to possibly adopt an uncut male that wanders around our neighborhood. He already lets us pick him up and snuggle him, he purrs like a freight train, and already rolls over and shows us his belly. We think he likes us!
We're suckers. Sigh.
Are you close enough to any of these people who give parties, etc., that you could simply ask them if there's something you need to change??
And the suggestion about going out and taking classes in something you like (language, art, cooking, dancing, whatever) was an excellent one.
Also, getting a pet is an excellent idea. If you don't have the time/space for a dog, a cat is a lot more company than you'd expect, they're cheaper, more independent, and much easier to take care of. My no. 2 cat fetches and will play with us for hours. They all sleep with us. They follow me from room to room and just hang out with me. And in the summer time, there are a LOT of pets that need rescuing b/c of college students who get them and then move home or graduate and can't take their pets with them, and families who get a pet, but then go on vacation and don't want to pay to have someone check on their pet or board him. You'd be providing company for a creature that is lonely and needs love, too.
Yes, all three of my cats are rescues, and we're such suckers that when we harvest, we're going to possibly adopt an uncut male that wanders around our neighborhood. He already lets us pick him up and snuggle him, he purrs like a freight train, and already rolls over and shows us his belly. We think he likes us!
We're suckers. Sigh.
OMountainMix
Member
I should add that there is probably inexpensive adult continuing education in your area, if you live anywhere that has a decent size class. My city has a whole catalogue of fun classes for adults that go on every fall.
You could also sign up for a college class, such as a language at night. You'll meet people to study with, most likely. When I took some classes to finish out a license I needed, everyone was assigned to groups and we did things like eating at restaurants, cooking at each other's houses, etc. It was a lot of fun.
You could also join your local rec center, YMCA, or Jewish Community Center (even if you're not Jewish, our JCC is like a YMCA).
You could also sign up for a college class, such as a language at night. You'll meet people to study with, most likely. When I took some classes to finish out a license I needed, everyone was assigned to groups and we did things like eating at restaurants, cooking at each other's houses, etc. It was a lot of fun.
You could also join your local rec center, YMCA, or Jewish Community Center (even if you're not Jewish, our JCC is like a YMCA).
I
idoreallytry
a lonely, lonley, loner,,
if u want friends make them,,,peace
if u want friends make them,,,peace
I
idoreallytry
i think i got a batch of ur cookies before,,, it read,,, if u are reading this ur an asshole,, wasnt much of a fortune but u sure are a good judge of chararctar lol
i always found that my weed made me popular -=[
Or other drugs,or money,car,house,hook ups.....................people suck man..lols
I
idoreallytry
yeah people do suck for the most part, fair weather friends is all i ever had,,,peace
^LOL
I
idoreallytry
agreed lol
i think most people are living a fallacy in a make believe world thats being designed and constantly crafted to kill off those that think independantly...
imo stay a loner,, and be proud to be one...
but be nice to people,, its not their fault they are sheep,,
imo stay a loner,, and be proud to be one...
but be nice to people,, its not their fault they are sheep,,
People are overrated, lol. Give yourself some credit for being able to be alone. Some of the "popular" people can't stand to be alone with themselves.
Everyone isn't going to like you and everyone isn't going to want to be your friend. That said, you need to have someone in your life that you can lean on during tough times because the tough times will come, trust that. I'd rather have one solid, trustworthy friend than 1,000 crappy friends.
I agree that taking classes is a good way to get out there and meet some people. Most times, other people are just as shy, if not more shy, than you are. Being introverted isn't a crime, just remember that. Take a music class or a sculpting class or whatever.
When I was younger, I used to feel bad because I wasn't invited to certain parties and shit like that, but I've found that all that stuff didn't really matter in the long run. I just kept working hard and stayed focused on my own life and my family. Those same people that never invited me to parties now call me or text me to hang out or they want to score some nugs. Usually I say no, heh. Fuck 'em. They had their chance.
Another thing that worked for me was to set goals for myself. Once you've achieved one goal, you move onto the next one. Sort of like a bucket list, but you get the idea. You will gain self esteem and learn to believe in and trust in yourself more afterward.
One thing I used to do: I'd tell myself that I had to say "hello" to 10 random people on the street and smile when doing so. You learn how to make eye contact first, smile, and not look like a weirdo, lol. Another one was to hold every door I walked through open for the next person behind me. You'd be surprised how much people appreciate the little shit like that. Doing something nice for a random person always helped me feel better about myself.
I remember the first Christmas without my father who had passed away earlier that same year. I was more depressed than normal, so I went to the post office and picked out a couple "dear Santa" letters and bought gifts for the kids that had written in. I even contacted one of the parents of one of the kids (they lived in the projects and were very poor) and worked out my delivery so that the kids came home from day care and had a tree, presents, and fixings for Christmas dinner. The look on that mother's face when I dropped off all that stuff completely wiped away any notions I had that I was a bad person and not worthy of other people's company. I've gone to the post office every Christmas since then to pick out a couple letters. It makes Christmas a little easier for me to deal with.
Sorry for the rambling post, just don't want to go thinking you're the only one who's a "loner" out there.
Everyone isn't going to like you and everyone isn't going to want to be your friend. That said, you need to have someone in your life that you can lean on during tough times because the tough times will come, trust that. I'd rather have one solid, trustworthy friend than 1,000 crappy friends.
I agree that taking classes is a good way to get out there and meet some people. Most times, other people are just as shy, if not more shy, than you are. Being introverted isn't a crime, just remember that. Take a music class or a sculpting class or whatever.
When I was younger, I used to feel bad because I wasn't invited to certain parties and shit like that, but I've found that all that stuff didn't really matter in the long run. I just kept working hard and stayed focused on my own life and my family. Those same people that never invited me to parties now call me or text me to hang out or they want to score some nugs. Usually I say no, heh. Fuck 'em. They had their chance.
Another thing that worked for me was to set goals for myself. Once you've achieved one goal, you move onto the next one. Sort of like a bucket list, but you get the idea. You will gain self esteem and learn to believe in and trust in yourself more afterward.
One thing I used to do: I'd tell myself that I had to say "hello" to 10 random people on the street and smile when doing so. You learn how to make eye contact first, smile, and not look like a weirdo, lol. Another one was to hold every door I walked through open for the next person behind me. You'd be surprised how much people appreciate the little shit like that. Doing something nice for a random person always helped me feel better about myself.
I remember the first Christmas without my father who had passed away earlier that same year. I was more depressed than normal, so I went to the post office and picked out a couple "dear Santa" letters and bought gifts for the kids that had written in. I even contacted one of the parents of one of the kids (they lived in the projects and were very poor) and worked out my delivery so that the kids came home from day care and had a tree, presents, and fixings for Christmas dinner. The look on that mother's face when I dropped off all that stuff completely wiped away any notions I had that I was a bad person and not worthy of other people's company. I've gone to the post office every Christmas since then to pick out a couple letters. It makes Christmas a little easier for me to deal with.
Sorry for the rambling post, just don't want to go thinking you're the only one who's a "loner" out there.
I like to think of myself as a combination God-beast
O
onehitjake
I have done a lot of thinking on these matters over the years.
I am also a recluse.
For the most part, people (when gathered) simply bounce ideals and beliefs off of others to see what is "ok" to be "down with". They do not think for themselves and will not admit to it. It is easy to watch them at parties/gatherings doing exactly as I said. They find comfort in being similar minded with each other.
Then when someone free willed, open minded and outspoken speaks up, they all kind of get nervous of the guy who doesn't care about being socially chastised. They will avoid "at all costs" being associated with an individual who is actually behaving as an individual as opposed to someone who does everything under the sun to "fit in". This is group think and it is group behavior. Welcome to the World where one's ego and fitting in are the most important aspects of daily life.
This is why I am a recluse, by choice. Why would I "improve social skills" when it means selling out my ideals to appear more like someone who will fit in and be accepted.
Fuck acceptance! It means nothing to me to be accepted by those who never even have their own ideals!
I was lucky enough to be born with a low susceptibility to suggestion. I use MY mind to decide what I think not someone else's. If it is disturbing to someone, it is their problem they don't do the same.
Walking the path that is yours and yours alone is not an easy path, but it is YOUR path.
I am also a recluse.
For the most part, people (when gathered) simply bounce ideals and beliefs off of others to see what is "ok" to be "down with". They do not think for themselves and will not admit to it. It is easy to watch them at parties/gatherings doing exactly as I said. They find comfort in being similar minded with each other.
Then when someone free willed, open minded and outspoken speaks up, they all kind of get nervous of the guy who doesn't care about being socially chastised. They will avoid "at all costs" being associated with an individual who is actually behaving as an individual as opposed to someone who does everything under the sun to "fit in". This is group think and it is group behavior. Welcome to the World where one's ego and fitting in are the most important aspects of daily life.
This is why I am a recluse, by choice. Why would I "improve social skills" when it means selling out my ideals to appear more like someone who will fit in and be accepted.
Fuck acceptance! It means nothing to me to be accepted by those who never even have their own ideals!
I was lucky enough to be born with a low susceptibility to suggestion. I use MY mind to decide what I think not someone else's. If it is disturbing to someone, it is their problem they don't do the same.
Walking the path that is yours and yours alone is not an easy path, but it is YOUR path.
Yup , you sound alot like an introvert...can u relate to these statements
In general ..you like to listen ,more than u like to talk
If u say you will do something , you almost always do it
You don't like to interrput others , or be interuppted
You like to share special occasions with just one person or a few close friends,rather
than have big celebrations
Extroverts like to learn alot about ,alot of different things,wheras intoverts like to go indepth ,and know everything about,what particular thing they are learning bout.
And my favorite " the way people act,or the things they do generally dissapoint me"
You may or may not be one,I have found that getting job that forces you to constantly deal with people.Will make you more social in your private life,as dealing with people becomes much easier, as a whole..unfortunatly smoking mad anounts of cheeba,didn't seem to help the very introverted,with social situations...Everthing in moderation....
If you think you are introverted ,i reccommend getting the book "The introvert advantage"
by marti olsen laney phd...
Cheers!!
And with the thread title...It can be hard to not let things bother you sometimes but " Never let ,what someone thinks about you ,affect how you feel about yourself"
In general ..you like to listen ,more than u like to talk
If u say you will do something , you almost always do it
You don't like to interrput others , or be interuppted
You like to share special occasions with just one person or a few close friends,rather
than have big celebrations
Extroverts like to learn alot about ,alot of different things,wheras intoverts like to go indepth ,and know everything about,what particular thing they are learning bout.
And my favorite " the way people act,or the things they do generally dissapoint me"
You may or may not be one,I have found that getting job that forces you to constantly deal with people.Will make you more social in your private life,as dealing with people becomes much easier, as a whole..unfortunatly smoking mad anounts of cheeba,didn't seem to help the very introverted,with social situations...Everthing in moderation....
If you think you are introverted ,i reccommend getting the book "The introvert advantage"
by marti olsen laney phd...
Cheers!!
And with the thread title...It can be hard to not let things bother you sometimes but " Never let ,what someone thinks about you ,affect how you feel about yourself"
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L
Lloyd_Christmas
I agree with whoever said people are overrated... There have been times in my life when I've been going out every night, partying, yadayada... There have also been times in my life when I've gone "loner" for the most part. The former is no better than the latter, trust me. Find a small solid group of friends and you'll be fine.
People mostly suck.
People mostly suck.
In general, I really dont talk just for the sake of talking...Im lousy at small talk, and in unless I have something of significance to say I more than likely wont say anything. Unless I am with someone I am really close to...than I tend to open up mire.
Almost 100% of the time if I say I will do something I will do it..I am also punctual to the point that you could set a watch by me.
Score another one. I will almost always wait for someone to finsih their point before speaking. As far as me being interupted, I find that to be one of the rudest things a person could do.
Yep, though not so much these days. I learned years ago that by and large people are a disappointment. As a result I try to stay away from people that I think will disappointment me. [/QUOTE]
Actually I have a job that forces me to put on almost weekly presentations, it has helped with my public speaking skills..
As to other things people have said.
I do have a dog...Id rather spend time taking a walk in the woods with her than most people..
In general I can really only tolerate being around a group of people for an hour or two before I feel like I need to escape. I think its a combination of sheer boredom from not doing anything that directly benefits me, (in other words just sitting around doing nothing at all),and the fact that in most cases while there is conversation going on, it is really about nothing at all.
Ive also often thought that I put out a hostile, or antisocial vibe by being a quiet person....Ive tried overcome this, but it basically comes down to an inability on my part to make small talk.
Overall does it both me all the time? No...I am glad I am able to escape work, come home to solitude, and not feel the need to be around others, or to entertain people. But when I put out an obvious effort to connect with people, and am ignored, than Id say it bothers me a little bit.
Oh yes..someone mentioned that I am boring. To alot of people I probably am, as I dont feel the need to seek out constant stimulation or entertainment.
