Yes, I'm stupid...you have been too...

[unclefishstick]

coming back from the dam with 30g of hash in my pocket,sniffed by food dogs,managed to not freak,got through customs,got on my last plane,almost home free,and hash drops out of my pocket right in front of the steward,just gave a little naughty boy finger wave.

 

[statusquo]

About a month ago I went from my friends house to a smoothie place right down the street. The catch is that I had just purchased a half ounce of fungus and had put the bag in my button-up shirt pocket. Needless to say it was sticking out (I had had my sweater on before and I was hanging out with people that obviously wouldnt have cared for about an hour after the purchase). I didn't notice until I got back to my car and noticed the 2 inches of bag and 1 inch of clear and visible fungus protruding from my pocket haha. Good thing it was a hippy establishment...

 

[whiterabbit9]

I was pretty high at the grocery store, don't remember if I had weed or just smoked weed
(skunky stuff)

this kid in front of me, he's like, damn it smells like skunk, to his mom

his mom is like, does he know something ?

lol, i'm like I don't know

I should have said, the kid has a good nose

I felt it was a bit funny, tho not to slick, at least in wasnt in my city

 

[Lazyman]

On Halloween we threw a big party at my house, mostly heads but a few non-tokers were invited because they're cool. After a few hours we're all blazed and drinking, shooting darts in the garage, and one of the non-tokers girls wanders by and says

"Man, why does it smell like WEED everywhere?"

A chorus of laughter erupts as the room of stoned buddies hears this, and she promptly exits the room. Funnier than shit.

 

[Finepointcanon]

haha i was at a petting zoo

That's all I needed to read, awesome.

 

[Moldy Dreads]

This one time I walked into a bar with a monkey...

 

[whiterabbit9]

well I know a guy who recently had to go 2 months in jail because when the police came for a noise complaint, his half pound was visible

it wasn't his first time getting caught

dunno if I could have forgiven myself for that

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I was pretty high at the grocery store, don't remember if I had weed or just smoked weed
(skunky stuff)

this kid in front of me, he's like, damn it smells like skunk, to his mom

his mom is like, does he know something ?

lol, i'm like I don't know

I should have said, the kid has a good nose

I felt it was a bit funny, tho not to slick, at least in wasnt in my city

You should have said, "you're kid smokes the GUNGI!"

 

[CANNACO-OP]

Got a couple:

One time was with this girl at the movie store and she emptied her purse to find card and cash and put her bag of weed on the counter. She did not even know till I told her in the car...



another time I was gifted a damp bud, I put it on the dash of my car to dry in the sun on the car ride and maybe smoke ASAP....anyways, hit the brakes to hard and the nugget roles down the dash and into the vent. So I stopped and looked and looked but no luck and for like the next month, pretty stinky in the car.




back in the younger days I had some bud and seeds out on a tray and parents showed up, thought we hide everything and all the family sitting around the living room and on the coffee table was a tray that kind of looked like an ashtray, my parents smoked, so here they flicking their ashes and put the cigs out on my tray of shit.....

 

[alpinestar]

always leave your bud in a different pocket from anything else. especially if you are drinking.

 

[TheGreenBastard]

Tenth grade, high school

I got popped for cutting class and had to see the assistant principal the following morning before first period. So I got to school an hour early so I could get as blitzed as possibly. When the first period bell rang, I made my way up the parking lot to the man's office.

This was 1977 and I had the typical bag of Colombian Gold ($30 an ounce) in my front pocket. The man's office had a foyer and I made my way through to his office. As I turned and looked in, I noticed he hadn't arrived . There was one of those little creepy 70s "hug me" figurines on the desk that said "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time" on it. I laughed and turned to leave when I saw a student looking through the foyer glass, frantically pointing toward me and mouthing words I couldn't hear. I quickly realized the dude was pointing to my pocket. I looked down and an entire half of the rolled up bag was exposed and flopping around for all to see. I looked like one of those little dick heads with the first (huge) clip phone clipped to his pocket and flopping it around like a cock.

I stuffed the bag back in my pocket and managed to dodge a bullet. That was before the state decriminalized and it would have been a felony

When I was in 7th grade I would roll joints and sell them 2 for $5 (kids are stupid), and a few times I would bring them to school (which was dumber than the kids that bought them). Once I had brought 40 pre-rolled joints (~40g) in two plastic bags inside of a brown paper bag all stuffed inside of my hemp-hoody's front pocket. I would then go on to sell them in the bathroom in between classes, during class ("it's an 'emergency', I really HAVE to go), at lunch, or at the library.

That day I had sold 4 to one kid while we were at the library, I told him to go to the bathroom (it was across the hall) and I'm meet him there. So he left and ~ a minute later I go in and make the deal. After I come back the teacher ask me to see her. I was scared shitless, though the reason she called me over there was that "I didn't ask to go to the bathroom". I was very relieved...until she made me go to the principals office. I knew she suspected something because normally nothing would have happened at that point.

So I arrive in his office, but he wasn't there, so I waited for like ten minutes with well over an ounce of weed in my front pocket. It was one of the scariest ten minutes of my life (this was also the day a police officer decided to show up, they would do that every once in awhile).

Luckily, the principal (whom i was cool with, we were practically on a first name baises, I got to pick my "punishment") "disiplened me" rather than the assaisant principle whom usally did it (she was a bitch). I swear that if the assistant principal saw me I would have been fucked. That was easily the closet encounter I have ever had with weed. other than my peripheral charge a year later (got off scott free)

 

[PicosPoisonftw!]

Was home alone last year...Went to blaze a stick of my freshly grown chem DD on the balcony...

Finished...feelin real good...

Turned to head back in and found the door locked! (Its a swinging glass door, not a sliding door)

Im like FUUUuuuuUUuuuCCCK you locked your damn ass out here you fuck up!!!

My girls at work and wont be back for atleast 8 hours...

I dont wanna knock on the neighbours glass... and even if I did, they cant get in my place, and I have no keys to get in the front door either... I dont got my cell to call anyone...

Im 8 floors up, so jumpin is completely out of the question... (Yup I really contemplated it!)

Im freakin out! Needless to say I sobered up REAL quick!

I figured I got no choice but to break the window... But I decided that breakin the door frame might be cheaper so I start yankin on the handle...

Im Killin this thing!! pullin with everything I got!!! Turnin the handle every which way... pullin pullin pullin!!

Door wouldnt budge...

So I give up and put my back on the glass about to slump down on the ground and wait it out...

Door opens INWARDS and I fall on my ass in the living room!

Just needed to push, not pull...

 

[dank.frank]

HAHAHAH....this has been soooo much fun to read these....keep 'em coming ladies and gentlemen!!!


dank.Frank

 

[h^2 O]

pretty much every time I'm smoking late at night and I get a huge bong rip and just start coughing like a mofo and it blows my cover
Back in the day I was taking a leak on the side of a building...I'm mid-stream, and a car starts to pull up. I try to pee as fast as I can...and it's still coming out and I'm about to just start running while pissing...but it finally stops - I quick zip up and look and the car had gotten much closer - and it was a cop car. He got out and walked over to me and asked what i was doing - I said I just poured out some applejuice. He asked why it was steaming. I ran.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

One day we were in gym class when the power went out in the gym. Large sky windows illuminated the gym just fine and class went on as usual.

So this dumb ass that didn't dress out for class was hanging in the locker room when the power went off. He couldn't see his hand in front of his face so the dip shit decides to smoke a spliff.

When it was time to hit the showers, the gym teacher smelled the pot and hit the fucking roof. He lined up 200 dudes and as each left the gym for class, the gym teacher smelled their breath. I laughed when I breathed into this guys face because he earnestly smelled my stinky breath. What a stupid asshat!

That stupid ass hat smelled 200 fuckers breath. When the last REALLY stupid dude in line walked up with a giant peppermint in his mouth, the teacher had his man. True story.

 

[Kanye WeED]

i walked around walmart before with some shit that didnt have to be EXPOSED, u could SMELL it like at least at about a 3 feet radius around me maybe even 4 feet, and i remember going threw checkout this lil white guy kinda looked cool, kept trying to strike up this casual conversation with me.

then when we get back to her house her daughters follow me in the room and ask me where the hell i be going and what i be doing, ha ha....... they mom already knew tho he he he!!!

 

[dank.frank]

i walked around walmart before with some shit that didnt have to be EXPOSED, u could SMELL it like at least at about a 3 feet radius around me maybe even 4 feet, and i remember going threw checkout this lil white guy kinda looked cool, kept trying to strike up this casual conversation with me.

I've had this happen on numerous occasions...people that know, looking for the friendly gesture for a smoke out....

I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE TOO....

I remember one time a complete stranger, kind of a "hood" looking white guy, was behind me in line, noticing I was buying a swisher, makes the comment about how I must be getting ready to have a good time. I calmly responded to him with an offer to buy him a blunt as well. He smiled a bit, but said he had nothing to put in it...I told him not to worry, I just don't smoke after strangers, and once again asked him if I should buy another blunt for him. He still didn't really catch my drift, so I proceeded to buy a second blunt. The attendant, at this point has already caught on...and kinda rolls his eyes as he rang up the second one. I told the stranger behind me bye, and went on out the door....but stood to the side waiting for him to come out. Not sure why, sometimes I enjoy new company, and don't like smoking alone. So, as he came out the door, I tossed him the swisher, and told him I had something to put in it if he wanted to follow me. NOW he was certain what I was talking about, and was making an invitation. He was a bit flabbergasted but I checked the rear view, and he was following. Needless to say, he got a free blunt, free weed, and met a new friend. Asked me if I could sell him some....I simply smiled and told him I don't sell, but at least he had a cool story to share with his friends...and then gave him some extra so they wouldn't call him a liar...lol. After all, how often do you come across true homegrown dank...nobody would have bought his story....
So, struck by the mood, I did expose myself to this stranger and I assume that it went down as one of his, "This one time" stoner legacy stories that he probably shares often....or at least I like to think so...

Never saw the guy again...but I did feel a bit like Mother Theresa...hahahaha.



dank.Frank

 

[ItsAllOver]

If we're on stoner legacy type stories I have a good one:
I was moving out of my apartment once, and had a friend helping me. We were putting some shit in my car from the sidewalk of a busy street. I had a group of 5 Brits walk up to me asking if I knew where to get the chronic. I said, "No," because I really didn't have the time to go and sell them a sack, plus I didn't want to be sketchy. (lol at that, it gets good) They walked away, and I went up to grab a couple more boxes to fill the truck. When I put them in the back of my truck, I realized that my box with stuff that was in the freezer was right there. I had a bag of some old frozen small pieces of buds that I was going to make hash with, and realized they were just down the street a ways, in sight. So I hopped in the truck with the bag in my hand. Drove up beside them slowly, then yelled out at them, "I got something for ya," and tossed them a bag of about 5 grams of decent bud.

You should have seen the look on these people's faces. They were jumping up and down.
I felt good about myself.

Oh, and they did not get arrested afterward!

 

[Marywanna]

pretty much every time I'm smoking late at night and I get a huge bong rip and just start coughing like a mofo and it blows my cover
Back in the day I was taking a leak on the side of a building...I'm mid-stream, and a car starts to pull up. I try to pee as fast as I can...and it's still coming out and I'm about to just start running while pissing...but it finally stops - I quick zip up and look and the car had gotten much closer - and it was a cop car. He got out and walked over to me and asked what i was doing - I said I just poured out some applejuice. He asked why it was steaming. I ran.

"I ran" Too funny!

 

[blinx420]

This one time at band camp.....no

I remember when I was a teenager I would chill with my friends couple citys away from home when this one night I got stoned/drunk to the point of only recalling some parts of the night as my friends tell it I could barely walk after smoking a blunt to the dome and downing a bottle of tequila and turns out on the ride home I was babbling on about having to see my probation officer the next day which wasn't true and telling them to take me home I have community service in the morning Lolers which I didn't..

Well my friend helps walk me to my door rings the bell and runs for it hahaha this is where it things really get embarrassing as my parents told me I took a shower and walked into the living room without a towel ass naked in front of my parents and brothers wife and sat on the couch like nothing was wrong LoLs then spent all night puking near my bed like a hog needless to say I regret ever smoking/drinking that much in such a short amount of time..