[coriander]

Somehow this whole brilliant website makes me think of said blueberry ..... peace .......WHOA !!!.........

[coriander]

TRUE INDEED !!!

[elmo quist]

.....which brings me to my point. After an extremely satisfying and nourishing meal over at Uncle Earl and Aunt Mavis's house the other night, I decided to try to leave before Aunt Mavis started dropping SBDs after dinner while making small talk--like she always does. (And she complains that no one comes to visit her.) I always know when it's time to go because Uncle Earl gets that stricken look on his face and excuses himself quickly and retreats to his garage, his dog Butterscotch at his heels. And of course, Auntie sits there smiling oh-so-sweeetly (as though nothing has happened) as she adjusts herself in her chair, and I make out another barely audible hissing sound coming from her direction as she picks up her knitting. The cat, also a seasoned veteran, sprints for the cat-door and makes good her escape. My inner monologue screams, "You stupid stoner moron!! Always leave when Uncle Earl does!!" even though I know it is too late. The malevolent mist from her diabolical duodenum had already invaded my lungs; it was clearly attaching itself to my very being--at that point, my fight for life had begun, yet all I could do was gag. My brain screamed, "For cryin' out loud, could the b!+ch have used any more friggin' onions in the meatloaf??? Can't she smell this awful sh!t she's putting out??" As I was almost overcome by yet another fresh dose of her noxious intestinal methane, I gasped my thanks for the meal and puked out a goodbye as I staggered to the door as best I could. I immediately inhaled huge gulps of fresh air once I had safely reached the outdoors. Uncle Earl's bald head emerged from the safety of his detached garage and shook disapprovingly before disappearing again. When I finally could see again, I drove home to check on my plants.

Perhaps I digress.

Ah yes. Blueberry. I had planted 10 seeds, DP Regular Blueberry. All 10 sprouted; 1 funky runt who never did anything past the sprout stage was culled early and brutally smashed for its pointless and unproductive non-conformity. Of the other nine, eight were girls(the crowd goes wild). The lone male had been banished from the ladies and rightfully so; being a typical male, he would want to impregnate every girl in the room. I'm onto him--I may brutally smash him yet. Anyway, of those eight girls, the largest is a queenly indica who I'm sure is convinced that she is a sativa--she is twice the size of all the other ladies. At first, I thought it was a hallucination caused by the gas attack I had just endured. But no, it turns out that she is every bit as real as the blue gas cloud in Aunt Mavis's living room. Therefore, I have accordingly named her Bloobzilla. I'd post some pictures, but dammit.....I let my friend Bodie borrow the digital camera to take some nekkid pictures of his girlfriend and second cousin, Scungene.

Sorry to hijack your thread there, Coriander.....but geez, someone had to.

:p

[Hippo]

As I was almost overcome by yet another fresh dose of her noxious intestinal methane, I gasped my thanks for the meal and puked out a goodbye as I staggered to the door as best I could.

sound like u had your mouth round here ass hole

[DrJay2001]

Elmo, that was a truly demented post. Now the bad news....methane has virtually no smell at all. So what was Aunt Mavis putting out?

Could have been a fermenting hair ball or maybe last weeks meatloaf sludge is still ocuupying portions of some tortured colon.

In any event, it's not Blueberry, not even pie. Unless....could Aunt Mavis be useful in the garden? Pest control? Air ferts for a hungry veg?

Me, I'm with the cat. Just give me three steps Mister...

Yours,
Dr. Jay

[coriander]

~Very, very funny stuff dudes 'n' dudettes, thanks ~.......

[coriander]

Please not like that- (typed whilst choking back vomit) - I think that could bring premature senecence upon our friendly 'erb plants- which in my books is not a good thang !!!

[Captain Canibus]

I've got a buddy that really likes onions and smell doesn't bother him!

Maybe your aunt Mavis might want to take a walk on the wild side? He's an animal, well I am too, Butt that'd be right up his alley.

PS: I have conducted numerous fart experiments on my pet cats with no visible reactions?????????? Perhaps there could be a NIH grant in there? The farts of canibus users vs nonusers? Too many variables: indica vs sativa, hybrides, dosage vs usage etc.

Just a thought.

[Canna Wurms]

My beagle perks her ears up when I cut a "squeaker". Gotta get yer cheeks real tight and squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze it out.

[elmo quist]

....and a little goes a long way. And I smoked way more than a little. Thanks to Uncle Hughie for the inspiration.

Dr. Jay, I certainly appreciate a professional diagnosis. Dementia is the only form of sanity for me. And I told Uncle Earl that you said methane has virtually no smell......he's still chuckling. He said to stop by for dinner anytime, but that Saturday would be best.....for Mexican food.

And I am intrigued by the idea of air ferts......perhaps AKA "foliar farting" or "foliar fart feeding"......but I'm sure the environmentalists would take issue with the chunks and the residue, though

Captain, I'm sure that your friend would know the depth of your friendship when you fix him up with a violently flatulent senior citizen with an ass as big as your car.....onions or not, that's love, man.

Canna, you and that beagle need to appear on Dave Letterman.

And I must apologize for inflating the numbers while under the influence--the true figures are 7 females out of 10 total--still not bad. And Bloobzilla still reigns supreme......here she is at 40 days.

<https://www.icmag.com/gallery/data/500/297bloobzilla.JPG>