[packerfan79]

Found out my uncle passed away alone in his big rig. My uncle was 57 years old ,had been tortured by the effects of 30 years of speed, and mental illness. The bipolar and paranoid schizophrenia took it's toll on him and the family. We haven't seen him in 6 years and now we won't see him till we leave this earth. He reached out to his kids recently, so that's good.

We are all saddened that he wasn't able to get past the guilt of his illnesses. I can't believe he's gone, my father was never there but my uncle taught me to fish, and how to work hard like a man should, he taught me to love the Lord even if you aren't a perfect Christian . You don't realize how much people mean to you till they are gone.what I would give for one more of his strong hugs, they almost hurt. I hope that No one has to lose someone they love without resolving things.

Rest in peace Uncle Dave, I hope that you are not in pain anymore.

[Weird]

Originally Posted by packerfan79

Found out my uncle passed away alone in his big rig. My uncle was 57 years old ,had been tortured by the effects of 30 years of speed, and mental illness. The bipolar and paranoid schizophrenia took it's toll on him and the family. We haven't seen him in 6 years and now we won't see him till we leave this earth. He reached out to his kids recently, so that's good.

We are all saddened that he wasn't able to get past the guilt of his illnesses. I can't believe he's gone, my father was never there but my uncle taught me to fish, and how to work hard like a man should, he taught me to love the Lord even if you aren't a perfect Christian . You don't realize how much people mean to you till they are gone.what I would give for one more of his strong hugs, they almost hurt. I hope that No one has to lose someone they love without resolving things.

Rest in peace Uncle Dave, I hope that you are not in pain anymore.

Doesn't' sound like he left completely, seems a bit of him has lived on through you by the impression he left on you

That is how I reconciled like loss in my life

[Rubber Chicken]

This is not my regular vernacular but i thought of one word when i read the first post-

'WORD'

[brown_thumb]

As long as he lives within your memories, he is never 'gone'. He's always with you. That is his legacy, his contributions and immortality.

[GSPfan]

Sorry for your loss. Mental illness makes things so difficult. Helping can easily make things worse or more difficult so in the end everybody who cared is left with regret because they didn't know wtf to do. Mental illness impossible to fully understand so don't let the regret eat you up.

[packerfan79]

Thanks guys, this is kind of my sounding board. The one place where no one wants something from me. In this business. Everyone is full of shit, with ulterior motives. I hope mabey my loss can open someone else's mind so they don't miss the chance to put things right. I didn't get that chance and I won't at least not in this world.

They found a bunch of religious writings and bibles with him, no drugs so we find some solice in the belife that he was right with the lord. He's in a better place no longer tortured by the effects of the mental illnesses. My uncle was the epitome of bi polar, he was as close to the Lord as anyone when he was straight, and as deep into the speed as he could be when he was not right. I am very sad that he never met my 2 youngest kids. My oldest adored him when he was around. Sad that he never saw his 3rd grand child.

[aridbud]

Originally Posted by brown_thumb

As long as he lives within your memories, he is never 'gone'. He's always with you. That is his legacy, his contributions and immortality.

Totally agree! We can learn much from family or friends....the fact he instilled a passion (fishing/spirituality), he's with you in spirit!
Sorry for your loss. Wish the stigma of mental illness would fade...it's no different than chronic illnesses, but threatens people because it is brain centered disease.

[packerfan79]

Originally Posted by aridbud

Totally agree! We can learn much from family or friends....the fact he instilled a passion (fishing/spirituality), he's with you in spirit!
Sorry for your loss. Wish the stigma of mental illness would fade...it's no different than chronic illnesses, but threatens people because it is brain centered disease.

Thanks arid, mental illness is a tragic disease, unfortunately the medical and pharmaceutical industries focus is to drug them in to zombies. It's not about helping the patient, but making them more compliant. Easier to deal with than to actually help them. His guilt for his issues is undoubtedly why he felt he couldn't face his family.

[packerfan79]

Some family are in flagstaff where he died, to see the body. I don't want to see a dead family member. I would rather remember the good times, my cousin posted some pics from when we went to suprecross all the guys in the family, it was a great night. A night I will never forget.

I have been on the mag constantly lately, a good distraction for me. Not really sleeping much. Kid's spent Friday night with my mother in law, and Sunday night with my mom. A quiet house makes for thinking about it to much.

No funeral just a celebration of his life. Probably this weekend. I wish I still had a crop going to keep busier. Finished jarring my last crop the night he died. Haven't been smoking much either, which doesn't help. No real desire to blaze right now.

[Genghis Kush]

sorry for your loss PK79