Jeff Sessions provides concrete answers regarding marijuana - Cannabis Laws & Cannabis Legislation - International Cannagraphic Magazine Forums

Pious · 04-02-2017, 06:16 AM

There has been much confusion as to what our new Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, has intended to do about the dubious legal status of cannabis across the United States. I had a sit-down with him to get some answers for the American people.

Q: You've stated that you're willing to be lenient with regard to Federal raids on medical marijuana dispensaries, yet want to crack down on states that outright legalize the herb, and have flip-flopped many times on this. Which is it?
A: [Sessions, oddly relaxed] Which direction does Trump want to go today? Whatever it is, I'm totally for it!

Q: Wait, are you telling me you have no consistency?
A: [laughter for roughly 15 seconds] I just fuckin' told you my consistency!

Q: Sir, I have you on record stating “I’m dubious about marijuana. I’m not sure we’re going to be a better, healthier nation if we have marijuana sold at every corner grocery store”.
A: I'll be a richer, healthier person if I can keep growing the dankest weed in my own back yard! It's called competition you idiot!

Q: You've come out against Mexican drug cartels importing marijuana into the United States, which is somewhat admirable. Why though?
A: Do I need to spell it out to you you dumb fuck? It's called C-O-M-P-E-T-I-T-I-O-N. Besides, I don't want the American people buying Mexican piss-weed when Uncle Sessions can hook you up with the bombest shit you'll ever inhale. Fucking Mexicans.

Q: What about Sean Spicer claiming marijuana is a gateway drug to opioid addiction?
A: That dumb motherfucker ain't ever had a hit of the shit ol' Sessions is dealing. It's not like I haven't offered- he's perfectly fine with his heroin fix. He won't last another month in this White House.

Q: Just to wrap this up and to wrap my mind around it, why are you being so honest?
A: I'm a Catholic, and this is my way of confession. As for the six bright red dots on your body, you can figure it out.

I'm currently living in an embassy which I do not wish to disclose, having been accepted for political asylum. As a random note, gasoline is way more expensive outside the US.
PS I'm Preacher and April Fool's threads are tradition for me here

Pious · 04-05-2017, 07:27 AM

Okay, this may suck as a parody compared to previous years, but you've got to admit that it's pretty damn hard to make satire out of Trump when Trump himself is a living, daily satire.

ChaosCatalunya · 04-05-2017, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pious

Okay, this may suck as a parody compared to previous years, but you've got to admit that it's pretty damn hard to make satire out of Trump when Trump himself is a living, daily satire.

When South Park admit defeat, you know you have a problem

04-02-2017, 06:16 AM	#1
Pious Newbie Join Date: Apr 2017 Posts: 12	Jeff Sessions provides concrete answers regarding marijuana There has been much confusion as to what our new Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, has intended to do about the dubious legal status of cannabis across the United States. I had a sit-down with him to get some answers for the American people. Q: You've stated that you're willing to be lenient with regard to Federal raids on medical marijuana dispensaries, yet want to crack down on states that outright legalize the herb, and have flip-flopped many times on this. Which is it? A: [Sessions, oddly relaxed] Which direction does Trump want to go today? Whatever it is, I'm totally for it! Q: Wait, are you telling me you have no consistency? A: [laughter for roughly 15 seconds] I just fuckin' told you my consistency! Q: Sir, I have you on record stating “I’m dubious about marijuana. I’m not sure we’re going to be a better, healthier nation if we have marijuana sold at every corner grocery store”. A: I'll be a richer, healthier person if I can keep growing the dankest weed in my own back yard! It's called competition you idiot! Q: You've come out against Mexican drug cartels importing marijuana into the United States, which is somewhat admirable. Why though? A: Do I need to spell it out to you you dumb fuck? It's called C-O-M-P-E-T-I-T-I-O-N. Besides, I don't want the American people buying Mexican piss-weed when Uncle Sessions can hook you up with the bombest shit you'll ever inhale. Fucking Mexicans. Q: What about Sean Spicer claiming marijuana is a gateway drug to opioid addiction? A: That dumb motherfucker ain't ever had a hit of the shit ol' Sessions is dealing. It's not like I haven't offered- he's perfectly fine with his heroin fix. He won't last another month in this White House. Q: Just to wrap this up and to wrap my mind around it, why are you being so honest? A: I'm a Catholic, and this is my way of confession. As for the six bright red dots on your body, you can figure it out. I'm currently living in an embassy which I do not wish to disclose, having been accepted for political asylum. As a random note, gasoline is way more expensive outside the US. PS I'm Preacher and April Fool's threads are tradition for me here
	Quote

04-05-2017, 07:27 AM	#2
Pious Newbie Join Date: Apr 2017 Posts: 12	Okay, this may suck as a parody compared to previous years, but you've got to admit that it's pretty damn hard to make satire out of Trump when Trump himself is a living, daily satire.
	Quote 1 members found this post helpful.