[Ms.Grat3ful]

Does becoming a Parent change a person?... I guess I have a hard time remembering what it was like before I had a kid... Was it all about me?... I guess it was.... I mean, I love my pets, I love my mom, and friends, and even thought I was in love with some guys, until I met H3ad:wink:...
but to have a child is like no other Love I have ever had... and it made me love all children.. to have a child like perspective and remember what it was like being a child.. To shape the kind of person someone will be and give them the life tools to make good choices to me is an awesome responsibility.....

I have a step-dad who has never had children and I am having a real hard time relating to him since my Mother's death...
... see, it's all about him.. not me, my sister, or my kid... and I am trying very hard to remember what it was like before I had a kid and try and understand how he can be so selfish and cowardly in this current situation of post-death and tragidy is everyone's life, not just him...

SO... I realize its no magic bullet but becoming a Parent changed the way I see everything... and it's so hard to step out of my shoes and Not think about the children and just about every situation...

see, I was that kid that had the step parents that didn't want kids around.. and I always felt like a burden and a problem that just couldn't be solved... ...so usually the answer was ship me to the other parent which may or may not be in a relationship at the time... and thus, I never knew if I was going to be important or if it was the current lover at that time...

Me, I am different.. I resolved at the time of having a child that he would never feel as though others were more important... but of course his daddy has equal priority but I don't think he feels pushed out like I did... plus, it's his daddy not a non-parent...

I don't know, it's a tough situation.. I feel sorry for the guy.. but hell, he was my mom's 6th husband!!... I am just feeling bad for him today but he isn't really being the nicest to me right now....

So, do you think parenthood changes most people?... makes them more considerate?... Do you think people who never have kids just never grow up, or is that us all and they just lack some deeper perspective...

[Jenna]

Hang in there Ms. G. I hope your step dad comes to terms with things and things get easier for you.

I think becoming a parent changed me. I think the biggest realization i had was that someone else's life was more important to me than my own. Step parenting is a whole nuther ball of wax..I have seen a grown man madly sucking a bong in a locked bedroom after dealing with my teenage daughter on more than one occasion! The upside? he runs screaming from 18 year old girls now..

[Verite]

Personally I see it as an individual type thing. I have seen some childless people that you would swear have a dozen kids by the way they interact with children. I have also seen people that treat their kids so poorly you wonder wtf is wrong in their brains. Imo I think the issue is a bit more colorized than the b/w of kid/kidless.

Most of the time good people make good parents... depending on how many curve balls life tosses at you.

Yeah becoming a Father definately changed me, in more ways than I expected. I was always good with children and babies before I had kids. But now with kids, I go through the whole spectrum of emotions in like 1 day, thats weird for a guy lol. I find myself more caring towards children, making sure they are not hungry, sad or unhappy. If they are, gotta fix it. I used to see a crying child and not wonder to much about it. Now I can't child cries, even if its mine or not I check to make sure nothing is wrong, or help him find parents etc. I think being a father brings a man closer to the womans side of nurturing and caring.

Also changed me for the worse...maybe.

Now I cannot stand parents who mistreat, ignore or shun their children. Or the mental midgets who constantly lambaste their kids with negativity.

[pieceofmyheart]

Becoming a mom changed my life from pregnancy on. I didn't have my first until I was 31, so I was ready to settle down and stay put. I have done lots of things in my life, been very adventurous, but having kids has been the best thing I have ever done.

The love I have for my family, my man....it doesn't compare to the love for my children, totally different. I have always been the aunt that loved the kids, loved my friends kids, love kids in general. So I guess it wasn't a huge stretch for me to be a mom.

I am still basically the same soul but it is hard to think of yourself without them in the picture somewhere, like they are always a consideration in all that you do.

I adore my kids, I am so very blessed with them.

[Mrs.Babba]

I think Verite has the right idea, its all an individual thing, some people are very self-centered and just care about themselves, and then theres the ones that dont. Each person is different and you dont know what happened to him growing up, probably had a shitty childhood and carried it into adulthood...all you can do is be who you are and live your life best you can
Having kids changes you no doubt but life in general molds a person in how they act and treat ppl as they go thru life...its all about cause and affect, you get what you put out there, blow his mind MsG....be so nice to him he wont know what to do!!
Your a great person MsG., so dont second guess yourself...just be you

[Ms.Grat3ful]

Mrs.B & Verite... I can totally see where you are coming from with that... maybe I am looking at it wrong... but I guess to me, I looked to my child for the strength to move on and go forward... and I guess I expected the same from him, to try and be 'grandpa' to try and be a part of our lives... and I guess I was trying to find some reason as to why he is avoiding me... maybe, it's just the pain and the grief... maybe it's because he spend the whole time mom was sick in denial that she even had a terminal illness... maybe it's his own guilt?... maybe I am a reminder?... maybe maybe maybe but all that aside, if he were a parent, I guess want to believe he would act more mature about this situation...
...
and POMH, see... i was not nessecarily like that... I din't wanna be a momma, I wanted to be a solid gold dancer .... lol... and I partied and did what ever I wanted to up until 23 and had the kid... so, I have seen both sides of the coin.... It changed me... It made me grow up in a way I am not sure I would have and it certainly made me Love Deeper... and I guess that is the perspective I speak of when I say, becoming a parent changed me...

I have seen lot's of people who are good with kids, and have this amazing potential to be the best parent, but without actually experiencing, can they have True perspective on that Type of love, I don't know....

Thank you for your input.... you are definatly giving me things to ponder on... ....

[pieceofmyheart]

Maybe he is in such pain that he can't see beyond it. I would say reach out to him as much as possible, you never know the returns you'll get until you put youself out there.....sometimes way out there.

[Ms.Grat3ful]

Originally Posted by pieceofmyheart

Maybe he is in such pain that he can't see beyond it. I would say reach out to him as much as possible, you never know the returns you'll get until you put youself out there.....sometimes way out there.

... well... normally this would work and be the right thing to keep on doing... question is how much is too much?... esp. when you have the factor that he is a 'drinker' not a 'smoker' ... see, this adds to the problem with his perspective I think... When Mom was alive and even before she got sick, marijuana was fine and dandy, and now... society's bullshit coupled with the fact that he is not a smoker, NOW all of a sudden it's a problem... ... but I call it an excuse... an excuse not to deal with me... and believe me girls, I have tried so hard to be nice and even confronted him a few times on the very subject of our relationship... and 'nothing' ... so I am making the choice to back off... esp. with our hobby of choice I can't continue a relationship with a non-cool person, if ya know what I mean... so... the ol' alcohol vs. marijuana debate will defanitly come in to play someday with us, I just know it... and I am SO ready... lol...
it's not that I have a problem with people who drink, it's that I have a problem with intolerance... I have tried so hard to look beyond his habits, flaws, and choices, he just can't seem to do that with me...
so.... anYwaY...
Let's see what happens, shall we?....

thanks again, for listenin'it's been tough....

[andigail]

Having kids absolutely changed my life, for much the better. I was a better parent than my parents were, and my kids are better parents than I was. That is how it should be.

Now I'm Grandma, and that has changed my life also, again for the better. There is nothing like the unconditional love of a small child, and it is much easier to love my girls back, much easier than it was with my own kids. Not that I love my grandgirls more, it's just very different.

Divorcing my husband after 31 years of hell changed my life even more! I'm doing things now that I've always wanted to, and I'm loving it. Life is good, in spite of the downsides of chronic pain and endless fatigue. Those aren't even every day, just most days, so I get along pretty well. I have my own home, I've travelled to Africa, I know what my health issues are now and am dealing with them, I'm getting my first tattoo, I'm going to Europe, I am nearly finished my bachelor's degree and will start my masters program soon, Not bad, eh?

Whether it's kids or anything else, we are all changed by everything that happens. I don't regret all the crap, but I'm sure enjoying the lack of it!