[Papusadrianus]

Condolences to you and yours friend- sad business

[ChaosCatalunya]

very sorry to hear, remember him well

Condolences to all concerned

[tetragrammaton]

I know it's been over a year later, but again, I am thankful for all the condolences. I ended up not making the best decisions regarding his death, I started to drink heavily, not hard alcohol, but excessive amounts of beer, just getting numb and wasted 24/7. I have finally decided to get help, and go back to the herb. I miss him more than words can describe... We were drawn to each other and became best friends when we were just 8, and remained friends until the end. He always told me we were "soul brothers", and had been friends in a past life, and would be friends in a future life. I decided to sign up for therapy, cut way back on my drinking, with the plans to eventually never drink again.

I had a talk with dkmonks mom (his real name was Kyle), and I basically asked her "I realize I have a problem I'm wondering what you think Kyle would think about getting help. Would he support me or would he just laugh it off and tell me to keep on getting fucked up?"

And she told me "You know the answer, because you knew Kyle. He always had great advice for everyone, but couldn't take his own advice. He would be proud". and reading that made me break down, and I realized I never properly grieved, I just got super fucked up to try to handle it and be numb, but the party is over. I gotta get my shit together and grow another great crop that would make him proud.

Once again, thank you everyone for the condolences. He was the best friend anyone could ask for. My fondest memories consist of his amazing spirit. When I'd pick him up from his work, he'd always get me a drink and a chicken quesadilla (he was a waiter at this amazing mexican restaurant).

I remember how excited he was when he got some seeds in the mail, and would let me pick and choose which ones I wanted for indoor purposes, and then we'd decide which ones to grow outdoors. All the times in the middle of the night going through sticker bushes and woods, just to get to our spot. Fuck, I miss him, but like his mom told me, I guess he'd want me to get help. I just feel sort of guilty that he was unable or unwilling to get help. I miss him more than words can describe, because he was more than a friend, he was like a twin brother. Obviously not identical or anything like that, we didn't share the same blood, but it was more than that.

I have no idea what the afterlife consists of, or if there even is an afterlife, but if there is, I really do think his mom was right, and that he'd want me to be well.

[azad]

sad for your loss. kick ass in his memory.

[BakedBandit]

He certainly wants you to be well, and so do we. You were a good friend and you deserve to be happy and healthy.

[Weird]

I have no idea what the afterlife consists of, or if there even is an afterlife, but if there is, I really do think his mom was right, and that he'd want me to be well.

how he effects your every living breath is his afterlife, his karma. how you let that manifest is on you.

I think he suffered enough tragedy for the both of you, as hard as it is, letting him influence you in the good ways he did when he was alive still is important for both of you.

It hurts because it was a genuine friendship which takes two special people. Your still special, don't let go of that.

[ChaosCatalunya]

Looking back, I ended up on IC because I lost my best friend and close grow buddy just after I moved out to Spain.

He knew so much, and what he didn't know, he studied and soon knew, for me he gave me the confidence to work out the answers myself. He will always be with me in the sense that his influence and words gave me such a lot of what I have now.

[tetragrammaton]

Thank you again, everyone for your kind words. Weird, what you said, really makes sense. Thank you for that. And to ChaosCatalunya, it was a similar situation. I moved to Chile, and get the news that this happened. I remember waking up one day, and getting a message request on facebook from the mother of his child, someone I used to also date in the past, and I remember thinking "omg, what does she want", and I opened the message and before I read the whole message, I knew what happened. She started it out by saying something along the lines of "You were the only person Kyle considered a friend so I thought he would want you to know", and then she went on to the details. I had to go into work that day.

I cried a lot in my own personal time during the weeks and months following, but I realized I never really dealt with it. And it's still hard for me... I've lost plenty of people in my time on this planet, but losing him was the worst. I remember 3rd grade, we used to always show up to school wearing the latest Jncos, and getting Dr. Martens, and dying our hair, just stupid fun shit. Skating. One of my fondest memories is circa 2008-2009, when we went to a mutual friends house, and used their roomates skateboard seeing if we could still do kickflips and ollies and what not, lol. Kyle fucking ended up breaking the board in half, and the roomate was beyond pissed.

I remember one time that we both decided to get drunk, and I got suicidal or whatever, and was going to at least cut myself, and he fucking tackled me to the ground, and was like "no". I hated him at the time, but in retrospect he truly cared. I also remember the time when I had a cancer scare, and was in the hospital for a while, and I remember him on the phone telling me that if anything happened to me, he wouldn't know what to do, or how to go on without me. And now it's me that has to go on without him. To say it's been rough would be an understatement, but it is what it is... He wouldn't want me to be sad, but I think he would understand. I'll get through this, not just for me, or him, but for the whole cannabis community. I know other people have gone through worse, so I'm not looking for sympathy by any means, just kind of... I guess venting would be the word.

Again, thank you to everyone for your condolences and thoughts. I know he would be flattered. He was a hard person to get to know, but once he trusted you, he would tell you everything. He was an amazing friend. Yes, I have other friends, but no one can replace him. He was truly, as he called it, my "soul brother".

[Weird]

radio edit

[Weird]

Sadly he isn't the only IC mag member who struggles with mental illness or who has passed because of self destructive behavior

they all deserve compassion and respect, they all sought this plant for help, and sadly for some it wasn't enough

nam myoho renge kyo