[hermdog]

I'm 27 and have just learned what I've known all along, my entire immediate family suffers from bipolar as do I.

The biggest problem in my life has been trying to find someone who understands me, but is most comfortably living in depression rather than manic.
So many of my friends and acquaintances are my polar opposite, I can never help their depression and they don't understand my explosive manic days.

I've fallen into rapid cycling for the first time as an adult, while I enjoy being the life of the party and all the confidence I literally burn out after a day or two and push friends away in hopes depression settles in again. At least depressed I lack the motivation to get myself in trouble.

No amount of indica is putting me to sleep anymore.
Growing and the patients that rely on me has become my life.
I need a kind soul that can give me a little guidance.

[circadian clock]

date someone who studied(school) bipolar, date someone with bipolar, date someone that is bipolar and studied bipolar. or someone who is not bipolar but either has a friend/family member with bipolar. or something to that effect.

[hermdog]

I've done half those things, lol
Why I was posting here was I figured there's someone that has the same type I have and wouldn't mind shooting the shit once in awhile.

[circadian clock]

hospitals always a option. there probally wondering why the fuck ur so happy.

[Croissant]

might want to read this article about bipolar.

https://www.alternet.org/story/156009...olar_diagnoses

[JamieShoes]

one of the bravest posts I've read on IC.. my hat is off to you.. for super strong Indi knock out, try Sweet Seeds Green Poison... it's as Indi as anything I've smoked..

[hermdog]

Your Freud quote, Croissant was actually the needle that broke the camel's back in my realization.
Both my mother and I are the depressive sort, my father and brother love to quote Freud and have used his ideas to justify physical violence and mental manipulation against us my entire life, all along thinking their manic personality is the norm.

Meanwhile I just wanted to not be around people that are overly self center, and have so much energy that take it out on others.

[hermdog]

Thank you, Jamie!
I have loved sweet seeds strains in the past, but twice had my Attitude orders confiscated by customs. Mohan Ram is wonderful meds as well.

[hermdog]

So many personal things drove me to the correct answer.
During my hyper active periods I don't sleep much at all, at most a few hours, sometimes none.
I had known forever when I began seeing open and closed eyed visuals in bed that sleep was nearing.
In reality this illness prevents me from fully falling asleep during mania.

My grandfather, a decorated vietnam vet has always described seeing angels and demons. I know now it's more than likely he doesn't do well during mania either.
When I rid myself of anxiety and watch these dreams while still conscious to me they appear as any typical good dreams or nightmares.

Last night I watched a nightmare of pentagrams, goatheads and other satanic imagery which was broken into sections with either colorful or black and white mandalas.
Other Nights they are beautiful and soothing, sometimes hyper sexual.

I understand why the mind does this during sleep deprivation, I just need a quality sleep aid. Never will I seek out the needle.

It is so, so difficult getting either a neurotypical, or consistently manic person to understand people like me.

[Mikell]

Might track down bipolar grower on IG. Not entirely sure if his handle is serious or not.