Ways To Annoy People
Maintain a high-level of constructive decorum by addressing someone with whom you disagree as "monkey boy".
Ask Austrian readers about kangaroos.
Ask Australian readers about alpine skiing.
Demand that others cease using the letter e, as you find it "dply offnsiv".
Enrich the lives of thousands with a thoughtful and impassioned debate on the topic "AOL users suck".
Followup another person's posts every twelve minutes to accuse them of "obsessing".
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Name your dog "Dog."
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Set alarms for random times.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Ask people what gender they are.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent.
If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
Sing along at the opera.
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Yell across a crowded room:
"Hey, John, the results came back from the clinic: we're clean!"
Make an anonymous posting accusing others of cowardice.
Insult a poster from another nation based on his country's performance in World War II.
Post 20-part encoded image files from NASA ftp archives that you claim show clear evidence of alien settlements.
Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
Run around holding your elbows and asking people to please take the straightjacket off you.
Maintain a high-level of constructive decorum by addressing someone with whom you disagree as "monkey boy".
Ask Austrian readers about kangaroos.
Ask Australian readers about alpine skiing.
Demand that others cease using the letter e, as you find it "dply offnsiv".
Enrich the lives of thousands with a thoughtful and impassioned debate on the topic "AOL users suck".
Followup another person's posts every twelve minutes to accuse them of "obsessing".
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Name your dog "Dog."
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Set alarms for random times.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Ask people what gender they are.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent.
If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
Sing along at the opera.
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Yell across a crowded room:
"Hey, John, the results came back from the clinic: we're clean!"
Make an anonymous posting accusing others of cowardice.
Insult a poster from another nation based on his country's performance in World War II.
Post 20-part encoded image files from NASA ftp archives that you claim show clear evidence of alien settlements.
Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
Run around holding your elbows and asking people to please take the straightjacket off you.
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