[sdd420]

I couldn't get by without mmj you are also right?

[lumberjack.mr]

have a good day sir, enjoy some sunshine and a fat bowl, or gummy bear for me!
i am off to the center- valium, dialysis bag, Fat Joint for the drive over, head phones and blindfold for once i get running... hell of a check list... uuuggghhh... Lj.mikke

[lumberjack.mr]

Why the hell is dialysis so dam draining!!?? I have at least a dozen things i need to be doing, but i'll be danged if i have the will to do even one! today's treatment went well enough. The pain didn't become really intense until near the end. I had them try turning down the rate of pull; to reduce the vibration, and that only made it more demanding of conscious thought. The fistula is still really fragile , so any movement is a strict NO NO, and could result in serious damage to the fistula. I can't explain how hard it is to sit still for four hours+, with 2 18 gauge needles drilled into your arm, even worse when they are vibrating from the pulse of the machine. by the end of the treatment, I feel like there is a large hornet on my arm stinging me over and over in the same spot- and I have to remain absolutely still! Today was my first bleed. I was disconnected after treatment, and after holding the puncture sites for several minutes with cotton balls, I assumed they had closed and I was good to stand for my post blood pressure.. Not apparently; I discarded the cotton compress' and stood for the blood pressure cuff to tighten, as it did, my right arm started stream spraying blood from one of the puncture sites! I gotta tell you; when you see blood spraying out of you- literally, it will freak you out! I immediately did what I should'nt have - I grabbed my arm to put pressure on it? It had to be scrubbed again and dressed to stop the leakage, of which very nearly resulted in my falling out unconscious! at least I did'nt seize out, and wale up in the hospital - again..
Definately nap time; right after I finish this joi_t ... lj.

[lumberjack.mr]

This morning is pretty tough. I did'nt sleep well last night, and I have dialysis at noon. Somehow I have to remain awake until treatment time. I can really tell when i get a toxin build up in my system. Not only do I start swelling in my hands and feet, but i feel like I have been working 7 days a week for months! Just so dang tired and drained feeling, that all i have any desire to do is go to lay down somewhere. I hate feeling like this! I feel like the day is wasted before i ever get started! At least the inflammation in my arm has diminished to little of none. hope that the treatment will be less painful. And I have a good fire going in the wood stove . one of those days...

[Gry]

Best wishes for you my friend.

[Steele Savage]

Typed then lost....

If your able you have a pack or two with your name on 'em.


You & yours are in my prayers
In CHRIST
S

[lumberjack.mr]

Thank you for your kind words, today was better. I had a difficult time trying to sleep during treatment, but at least the needles were less painful today. I feel like i have been running for the last two hours! Thank God it is getting better.
I have a lot on my mind tonight, but i don't have the energy to type it all out. LOL ! definitely a dialysis day..
The weather here is moderately cold~ upper 20's with a strong north wind. I have to keep the fire burning tonight, so I guess i better get started carrying in firewood for the stove.. Hope everyone else has a great evening, a restful slumber, and a brighter tomorrow! Lj.mike

[stoned-trout]

damn man..i hope things get easier for you..hang tough bro

[lumberjack.mr]

at last another weekend has passed, dialysis in the morning 6:am or noon- depending on the turnout.. If I had been asked a couple of weeks ago; what is the hardest part- i probably would've said the Needles and the pulsing of the machine, or maybe the constant alarms - that ring in your ears nite and day! Now I would answer differently. Today I would say seeing the patients that are in the advanced stages of diabetic renal failure. They are the ones who have it rough. I/we all deal with the mental issues of being terminal, but the physical toll they are forced to pay is horridly more debilitating than the disease that is upon me. Few are able to walk; if they have legs left. The ones that can do little more than stand for a wheel chair to be provided them, and must some how deal with the trauma of their memories, they are the ones I admire, for their courage, tenacity, and perseverance. I get angry or start looking in the face of pity, and I think of the course of their days compared to my own. I find the strength to slap myself back into reality.
Isn't it odd how the things we spend our entire lives trying to secure, provide, and treasure, become the our greatest loss at the moment of death. Our loved ones, children, spouses, brother and alike , all gone in a flash. The land we so vainly call our own , to be handed in deed to the designee of or last will. The monetary assets rank high on the list of priority, but I hope and believe it will be my wisdom of pain and suffering, that will be my legacy, for in that wisdom is the greatest strength I could ever lend. I: I am one to defy logic and medically speaking i am an uncharted water. None of the normal align responses to various modality' of treatment, are presented by me. The chemical imbalances in my body have the medical community at a stump. I am fifty years of age and have been under the knife thirty three times! I have survived head on collisions with with tractor trailer loaded with logs, crashing a motorcycle at 135mph. and spending 3 months in a coma, I have even had a Hammer head shark hit my catch sack , spear fishing at night on the island, and drag me down to depth beyond any reason to survive,but i am still here. I can still function, and drive myself wherever i chose, make my own decisions about my healthcare, and I can still go home to my loving wife' & children's arms. I fear not for I ; At peace in my present, I await the future, and I prepare. All the while I must live, and know that I am truly existing at the end of an electrical outlet, and a dialysis machine. My demise awaits me in the shadows of time, beyond the considerations of present zeal or greed or lust. My demise is smaller that a spit cell of bacteria, or viral influence upon society. I can not see me tormentor, but I feel it's presence grow stronger as I wait. There is frequently a clam before a great storm, and a period of morning in it's wake. This be my calm,or the prelude to my great storm. Time is a relentless obstacle and foe. Lj.mike

[lumberjack.mr]

Another one of those days... Up extra early so I will be able to sleep in the chair. I have a hundred things I need to be doing! And they all start with getting my but out there and staking out the greenhouse I want to build. I have the raw cedar logs for the frame of it. I just have to garner the energy from somewhere to go ahead and dig the holes for the corner logs. Problem is this dam yard is about 6 in. of dirt and all rock underneath! When we put the chain-link fence around the yard- A full acre, we had to rent a 90lb. jack-hammer to break the rock up so we could set the fence post! I might have a bigger problem with this than i think, as I am pretty sure a 90 lb. j-hammer would be little too much for me and my wife to operate now. I might be able to pick it up, but I am pretty sure that would be about it! I am up on top of a hill, overlooking a really big lake- miles of water! The wind up here can be pretty outrageous, and when those Texas cloud burst storms come thru, it is common for 60=80 mph. winds to precede them. So i need the corner post and preferably the side and center brace- poles to be it the ground at least three feet- set in concrete. and large enough for 14" logs. I would really like to go with an all glass roof, but the occasional hail storm would require some way of covering it up in a hurry. I have a large 40/x40' heavy duty truck tarp. I suppose I could devise some way of rolling in up to the center of the roof and two people would be able to unroll and stake it down relatively easy..
I think that would be great! Then I could just frame and plastic the rest, put a door on one end and a couple of vents- green house for me. Now I just have to find the energy to do all of this! I still haven't finished out the kids play house, and it has been three years since i started that little two story wonder! I finally got all of the doors built for it last fall, but i still need to trim it out, and put some sheeting on the interior walls, and insulation for the cold winter winds, and a light on both floors in case they want to have a camping party or something. Maybe a little over board for a play house ? When i was a kid we played in barns, but there aren't any near here .. lol. you'd be amazed at how long kids can occupy themselves in a barn. We had forts built in the hay bale stacks, and passages into grain bins, and feed chutes. I can tell you when you parents say go feed the cows and clean up the barn- it means get lost for a while... fine in the summer, but in the winter it's a bitch to find a place out of the wind and some what warm- somehow barns always seem a little warmer. WE don't have a barn, so an insulated playhouse isn't unusual at all..? LOl
Memories... Lj.mike