dealing with death - OG/ Cannabisworld Refugees - International Cannagraphic Magazine Forums

stealthballer · 03-09-2006, 08:34 PM

My grandmother(who raised me) just died on monday at 1120 pm.

She had lung cancer and was 79. First let me start off by expressing how much I loved this woman she was as close to a saint as I ever met.

Now here is my problem, hospice killed her, my family was too stupid to know she was od'ing on the pain killers and the lorazapam and took as the cancer. I knew better but I am just the grand son.

so then she dies, and my aunt steals all the meds she was on, says to flush em, mean while the moment my grandma went into a half ass coma my aunt took her xanax and pain killers and was taking them herself.

now I find out my aunt cleared her bank account too.

How do I dismiss this anger? nothing that my grandmother woulda wanted to happen has happened, the way she died the things her kids have done since.

I just am so pissed off at the family its crazy.

I know its not right, anyone got any clue how to turn this rage off though?

Haps · 03-09-2006, 08:48 PM

You have made the first step by recognizing the danger and futility of anger, for that I salute you. There is no way to make it right, such things happen in families at tragic times. There will be times that will test your will, at such times I simply try to be strong and true to my values and ethics, I think of myself as the large rock in the stream, or the willow tree, and let the rage or anger flow past. Welcome to the forge of life.
H

Sportster · 03-09-2006, 08:51 PM

Quote:

I just am so pissed off at the family its crazy.

I know its not right, anyone got any clue how to turn this rage off though?

Been there since May 05 when I found my pop dead in his fav chair....Not the same issues, but yes, kinda the same in a odd way!! Either way, I ended up an still am very pissed off at family members who have short changed me for $$$$...

For me...I shut the door, turned my back, basicly told them all to GET FUKED!!! an if they come to their senses....Welp, they'll know where to find me!!! I got my own life to live the best I can, without some bullshit gettin' in my way any more!!! I learned that when I was sittin' with my pop as I found him, cold an stiff...Life is way short, an sometimes yer takin' away in a nano second, its to short to be pissed off at the small shit for too long!!!

ANGER...It WILL run yer life my friend, deal with it, or it deals with you...then worse things come as a result, unless your perpared to pay the price for the worse, whatever that may be......then step aside from the crap, an live YOUR life!!!

Stay SAFE-n-GOOD LUCK!!!

stealthballer · 03-09-2006, 08:57 PM

i wanted to honor my grandmothers wishes with a lot of things, she died literally in abou 5 days she didn't know she was going and so much she wanted to plan for was left.
She talked to me about it but now nothing she mentioned will be done and my aunt is making a run for the hills still preaching about how she flushed the pills...What about that vial of morphine. fuck this I am so pissed.

I am done with that side of the family save my cousin she is good people.

03-09-2006, 09:03 PM

Vial of morphine.................clear ing bank accounts..............she's robbing the dead, call the cops........the bank account is your grandma's estate, not to be cleared by any family member, it should have been frozen untill a court decides who gets what.

She leave a will?

I think the family should share the Morphine, might bring some closeness.

Your aunt sounds hooked!

Sorry for the insanity the family...

stealthballer · 03-09-2006, 09:11 PM

the only problem I have with hospice is that we had 5 days left with her, not one was a lucid day. if my family had known it was the drugs that made her out of it and not the cancer...I just wanted one conversation with her before she died. I never thought she would go so soon, she came to and asked "am I dying?"
asked my aunt more than once if she had a stroke?
she was searching and looking for answers cause she didnt ever think she was gonna die so soon.
my family did what hospice did wasn't the right things.
then when she dies I am the rock that handles the funeral arrangements the confirmation of death everything while the morons sit back and split the pills up?

the they force the funeral to be the day before my daughter's birthday cause they have a trip planned and can't cancel it.

mom and dad have been decent through this but this has made me realize they have to have set plans and set rules in place today not tomorrow since they may go anytime.

LIFE IS SO FRAGILE

at least my grandmother got to see my kids, even in a drug haze her face lit up when my daughter said "i love you"

I miss her so much

Verite · 03-09-2006, 09:28 PM

Dont let the trip home ruin the whole vacation, enjoy what you had together and focus on that.

2buds · 03-09-2006, 10:11 PM

stealth, chin up bro
It's amazing how the ones you thought you knew and loved will turn 180 in a split second when someone dies. I turned my back on my biological fathers side of the family 17 years ago. I had an uncle pass, great guy, the only one who made anything of himself out of 7 bros and siss. During the viewing they argued over who gets what from his home, no one trusted anyone to pick up his belongings from the hospital without everyone present because everyone wanted his jewelry, car keys, etc. Its hard man, you live your life the way you feel is right and fuck the rest of them. Go with your heart and you'll rest easy at nite. Teach your children morals, values and respect, the things you learned from your Grandma and you will make her dreams come true even though she's gone, she'll know man, she'll know.

bloodshot · 03-09-2006, 11:49 PM

A good way to deal is to raise a joint to your grandmother. Then once your so stoned go ballistic on your aunt about how she's disrepecting her mother and tell her to fuck herself.

Thats actually what i'd do, might not be what you call a "good" idea but it would make you feel a hell of a lot better.

NightFire · 03-10-2006, 03:41 AM

I have a similar situation. My mother died from cancer in 89. My family starting robbing from her as soon as they felt it was safe (before she was dead).

I no longer associate with anyone in my family except my younger sister and one brother.

The anger you feel is normal, and you shouldn't shut it out. Recognizing it and discussing it is the best thing to do. The anger is typically associated with more than just the theft, it's also the feeling of abandonment.

It's a difficult thing to deal with, and to be honest, a pshycologist is the best place to go to help you overcome the grief, if you are comfortable with that course of action.

I shut myself up, and it has casued me significant psycological damage that is not likely to ever be reversed, and is damaging to any relationship I have been in. I don't allow myself to get close to people, for fear of emotional injury.

My advice is to discuss everything with you're partner, and possibly seek counseling. There are typically group counciling type things in most areas that can help and are either free or very inexpensive. Your workplace or school is very likely to offer something like this.

I wish I could provide a "do this, then do that and everything will feel better" but I can't.

My condolences

03-09-2006, 08:34 PM	#1
stealthballer Banned Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: look behind you Posts: 567	dealing with death My grandmother(who raised me) just died on monday at 1120 pm. She had lung cancer and was 79. First let me start off by expressing how much I loved this woman she was as close to a saint as I ever met. Now here is my problem, hospice killed her, my family was too stupid to know she was od'ing on the pain killers and the lorazapam and took as the cancer. I knew better but I am just the grand son. so then she dies, and my aunt steals all the meds she was on, says to flush em, mean while the moment my grandma went into a half ass coma my aunt took her xanax and pain killers and was taking them herself. now I find out my aunt cleared her bank account too. How do I dismiss this anger? nothing that my grandmother woulda wanted to happen has happened, the way she died the things her kids have done since. I just am so pissed off at the family its crazy. I know its not right, anyone got any clue how to turn this rage off though?

03-09-2006, 09:28 PM	#7
Verite My little pony.. my little pony Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 4,750	Dont let the trip home ruin the whole vacation, enjoy what you had together and focus on that. __________________ Strains by Verite .......................... Holy Grail Intro, Seeds at Seebay, Private Breeders Orange Diesel Intro, Seeds now at Seedbay

03-09-2006, 10:11 PM	#8
2buds Never tell a soul! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 749	stealth, chin up bro It's amazing how the ones you thought you knew and loved will turn 180 in a split second when someone dies. I turned my back on my biological fathers side of the family 17 years ago. I had an uncle pass, great guy, the only one who made anything of himself out of 7 bros and siss. During the viewing they argued over who gets what from his home, no one trusted anyone to pick up his belongings from the hospital without everyone present because everyone wanted his jewelry, car keys, etc. Its hard man, you live your life the way you feel is right and fuck the rest of them. Go with your heart and you'll rest easy at nite. Teach your children morals, values and respect, the things you learned from your Grandma and you will make her dreams come true even though she's gone, she'll know man, she'll know. __________________ If it matters that much we'll roll one for everybody.

03-09-2006, 11:49 PM	#9
bloodshot Canadian Toker Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 91	A good way to deal is to raise a joint to your grandmother. Then once your so stoned go ballistic on your aunt about how she's disrepecting her mother and tell her to fuck herself. Thats actually what i'd do, might not be what you call a "good" idea but it would make you feel a hell of a lot better. __________________ 1: that stoner kid always writes in his diary 2: yeah, i noticed he writes in it every time he asks the teacher to be excused to go to the restroom. 1: someone told me it is his masturbation diary. he writes how many minutes it takes to ejaculate, the relative amount of semen, the technical method used, the mental image produced, the relative duration of the orgasm, and where he wiped his hand in the bathroom stall. 2: you're sick. 1: not compared to stoner masturbaters 2: ha ha ha, i guess you're right. 1: wanna get drunk and do a few rails tonight? 2: hell yeah.

03-09-2006, 08:48 PM	#2
Haps stone fool Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 4,233	You have made the first step by recognizing the danger and futility of anger, for that I salute you. There is no way to make it right, such things happen in families at tragic times. There will be times that will test your will, at such times I simply try to be strong and true to my values and ethics, I think of myself as the large rock in the stream, or the willow tree, and let the rage or anger flow past. Welcome to the forge of life. H

03-09-2006, 08:57 PM	#4
stealthballer Banned Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: look behind you Posts: 567	i wanted to honor my grandmothers wishes with a lot of things, she died literally in abou 5 days she didn't know she was going and so much she wanted to plan for was left. She talked to me about it but now nothing she mentioned will be done and my aunt is making a run for the hills still preaching about how she flushed the pills...What about that vial of morphine. fuck this I am so pissed. I am done with that side of the family save my cousin she is good people.

03-09-2006, 09:03 PM	#5
Guest Guest Posts: n/a	Vial of morphine.................clear ing bank accounts..............she's robbing the dead, call the cops........the bank account is your grandma's estate, not to be cleared by any family member, it should have been frozen untill a court decides who gets what. She leave a will? I think the family should share the Morphine, might bring some closeness. Your aunt sounds hooked! Sorry for the insanity the family...

03-09-2006, 09:11 PM	#6
stealthballer Banned Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: look behind you Posts: 567	the only problem I have with hospice is that we had 5 days left with her, not one was a lucid day. if my family had known it was the drugs that made her out of it and not the cancer...I just wanted one conversation with her before she died. I never thought she would go so soon, she came to and asked "am I dying?" asked my aunt more than once if she had a stroke? she was searching and looking for answers cause she didnt ever think she was gonna die so soon. my family did what hospice did wasn't the right things. then when she dies I am the rock that handles the funeral arrangements the confirmation of death everything while the morons sit back and split the pills up? the they force the funeral to be the day before my daughter's birthday cause they have a trip planned and can't cancel it. mom and dad have been decent through this but this has made me realize they have to have set plans and set rules in place today not tomorrow since they may go anytime. LIFE IS SO FRAGILE at least my grandmother got to see my kids, even in a drug haze her face lit up when my daughter said "i love you" I miss her so much

03-10-2006, 03:41 AM	#10
NightFire Eclectic Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 233	I have a similar situation. My mother died from cancer in 89. My family starting robbing from her as soon as they felt it was safe (before she was dead). I no longer associate with anyone in my family except my younger sister and one brother. The anger you feel is normal, and you shouldn't shut it out. Recognizing it and discussing it is the best thing to do. The anger is typically associated with more than just the theft, it's also the feeling of abandonment. It's a difficult thing to deal with, and to be honest, a pshycologist is the best place to go to help you overcome the grief, if you are comfortable with that course of action. I shut myself up, and it has casued me significant psycological damage that is not likely to ever be reversed, and is damaging to any relationship I have been in. I don't allow myself to get close to people, for fear of emotional injury. My advice is to discuss everything with you're partner, and possibly seek counseling. There are typically group counciling type things in most areas that can help and are either free or very inexpensive. Your workplace or school is very likely to offer something like this. I wish I could provide a "do this, then do that and everything will feel better" but I can't. My condolences